Manipulator

I stare for a long moment. That can’t be right, manipulative people… That’s not me, but it is me. It fits me perfectly. I’m to self centered to me a people pleaser. I often manipulate the people I see at parties. Manipulated the interviewers just last night. Just a little nothing bad. Just painted myself in a good light. Kept the conversation going, and made myself seem a bit more experienced than I actually was. I wasn’t lying. Anyone knows that this was just my first movie. That’s not what people want to hear though. So I manipulated them, their feelings in the conversation to go the way I wanted it to. Just a little. It hadn’t felt that bad at the time after all everyone in this business was at least a tiny bit manipulative. They manipulated their fans into only seeing a certain version of themselves. A persona. Everyone had one. I had many. One for every occasion. Then I think back to the bullies, and that cheating guy at school. Had Luna picked me out of a crowd because she sensed something I didn’t. I hadn’t even realized I had been doing it most of the time. Everyone didn’t see the world that way though it seemed. I had never manipulated people I cared about at least not intentionally, or even potential friends like that guy Alex. Alex. He just met me, but eventually he would notice the pattern of my behavior. There was no way he could ignore it. There was no way I could ether. Would he still want to go on that date with me? I take a breath. I can deal with this. Everyone did. I’m just feeling a little self conscious that’s all. I always felt I needed higher self esteem. Maybe I should talk to mom about this, or even Beck. I had never opened up to them about these feelings before. I really did wear personas all the time. Personas weren’t like masks. They were you. Just a version of me that was more confident, and felt more put together. I walk into the dinning room trying to find mom. Father is the first person to see me. Not what I had in mind.

“What did I tell you when I hired you. Keep your impulses in check. Maybe then you wouldn’t have gotten Manipulator.”

“But you do similar-“

“Not to the extent I’ve seen you do it. The masks you wear. The way you always knew how to get out of trouble. Alway with just the right thing to say. Always with just the right complement.” I didn’t understand how I could be so much worse that him. I had learned this stuff from him. I just perfected it. I suppose our reasons were different too. He did what he did because he was ambitious. I did what I did because- Why? I never really gave it much thought before. I supposed more that anything I wanted to be loved. Loved unconditionally. Like Mom, and Jude, and Beck.

“What would your Mother think? When she starts to notice your cracks. She’ll be so disappointed. And your friends won’t want to be around someone who manipulates those around them all the time. And your fans. What will they think? No they can never know.” He concludes. I feel like my head is spinning. I alway knew my dads love was conditional. At least some extent, but what about everyone else around me? How flawed could some one really be before they abandoned you? “You’ll have to hide it.”

“Hide it.” I say surprised.

“Yes you don’t want your career to end prematurely do you?” I shake my head. “You’re a skilled enough with the make up. I don’t care what you make it instead. Just play the part, and never let the mask fall.” I went from wearing personas to wearing masks. “And Reece.”

“Yeah?” I say almost sleep walking to my room.

“No one can know about your manipulative tendencies. You’re stuck like this so manipulate them into thinking you’re not a manipulator. And don’t disappointment me. I will not have you ruining our reputation.” I nod slowly. I go to my vanity. My Fathers always been a little… but he must really believe this will end my career if it’s revealed who I really am. That no one will love me anymore. That they’ll start to see how bad I really am. I hold back tears. I would not go down with out a fight. I write a new word on my face.