Chapter 10: Keeping Distance

“Ugh, I swear these quests get even more unnecessary.” I said to myself as I entered my room.

“Well, isn’t this the first quest you’ve gotten since coming to the castle?” Kimi asked whilst stepping out of the shadows. I turn my back to her and she removes the school uniform’s coat.

“Yes, however this quest is near impossible on top of being annoying. Even adding in a failure penalty to it which is kept hidden from me.” I approached my bed and plopped down on it. “Because why would they give me useful information like what my penalty will be.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, a habit I picked up while here from the stress of the situation. Kimi approached me and took my hand, placing it in between her hands. Her cold facade at odds with her warm and comforting behavior.

“If the quest has a penalty it should have a fair time limit for it. We can come up with a plan together.” Kimi comforted as her expression warmed for a moment before returning to ice. “Now please lay back on the bed.” She instructed lightly pushing my chest.

Kimi lifted up her uniform a bit as she hiked up the bed. Positioning herself on top of my stomach with her hands on my chest.

“Are you prepared?” Kimi asked with a hint of worry in her tone.

I nodded in response as I braced for what was to come. Kimi slowly closed her eyes as parts of her hair started to lift upwards. The area around her coming to a low glow as electricity flowed from her hands into my body.

This is the method I came up with to help increase my Defense Stat to something more secure. When we started I remember the pain being almost unbearable passing out multiple times a day during our sessions. Now Kimi is able to increase the output of her magic to something that after long sessions will also cause her fatigue. Which I try to avoid as much as possible but I need these stats to be as high as possible.

“What is this quest you received?” Kimi asked as the magic stopped. Moving her hands further up onto my shoulders as her hair draped back down her face. Now in a messy bun compared to earlier.

“In thirty days I need to find a way to convince the queen to join our mission. I can’t tell how I’m even supposed to start convincing her. She doesn’t seem interested in the throne. Nor does she look to be in a bad relationship with the king on the surface.” Explaining my worries to her I could see her expression changing. Leaving behind Kimi the cold maid to the close friend I’ve acquired over these months.

“There isn’t many angles for you to play by. Not only that she is just as guilty as the king is. Forcing them into the position of a concubine for an heir. I’d prefer it if we could remove them both.” She voiced her opinion with a sour expression.

I sat up slowly and placed my hand on her cheek. In which she leaned into it causing some of the tension in my shoulders to dissipate.

“I hear you Kimi. Though I don’t want Yume to live the rest of her life without her parents. She’s close with her.”

“I see you’ve grown fond of the princess.” Kimi pulled away from my hand as she said those words. “Here I thought there was no room in your heart for anyone.”

Too much has changed between us for those words not to weigh a bit on my chest. To where if things were different I would have kissed her by now. If things were different I would have ran off with her. If I were different I would have told her I loved her.

Kimi leaned in and kissed me softly. A kiss reminiscent of kissing a lover goodbye when you don’t know when you’ll see them again.

I sat there shocked as she pulled away. My heart aching in my chest to just get over myself and kiss her back. The way her eyes looked at me, like she was looking at someone much more deserving of this, had my heart racing.

“Kimi-”

“Stay with me.” She pleaded as she rested her head on my chest. “Don’t go to dinner.”

“You know I have to. Not only for the mission but because of the quest.”

Kimi pressed more of her weight onto my chest laying me down on the bed. She lifted her head as she hovered over me. Looking at me with an expression I don’t recognize and scared me. Because it hurt me to see the pain in her eyes as she looked at me. As if she was telling me with only a look that she would sacrifice everything to just have me stay. To have me choose her over the quest and the mission.

I didn’t know what else to say in this moment. So I did what I always did in moments like this. I reached up to her and played with her hair which tended to calm both of us down.

*WHY DO YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO?*

'Well welcome back system. You finally decided to have a conversation with me now of all times.' I thought to myself as I looked away from her.

*WHY DO YOU DO THE THINGS YOU DO?*

*I'M FAILING TO UNDERSTAND EVEN AFTER WATCHING YOU THESE PAST FEW MONTHS*

'What? Your line of questioning is as bout as vague as your quest descriptions.'

*YOU CARE FOR THESE PEOPLE AROUND YOU*

*SO MUCH SO THAT IT COULD BE CALLED LOVE*

*CHARLOTTE*

*YUME*

*KIMI*

*YET YOU KEEP DISTANCING YOURSELF FROM THEM*

*IT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE RATIONAL*

'There’s nothing rational about emotions. It’s why I try to not have them get involved when I make decisions. It’s usually how things go wrong.' I defended from the system. Though it felt more like I was defending from myself more.

*HMMM*

"Rin.." Kimi called out softly.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I looked back at her.

"Would you hate me if I said I was in love?"

Why did that question scare and hurt the hell out of me? Kimi, don’t. Not for someone like me.

"No.."

There was a large silence after my response. I knew what I was supposed to say in that moment and it was even what I wanted to say. Instead I didn't say it back. Why can’t I say it back?

"I think I'm going to get some air.” I forfeited as I sat up.

"Don't you need to be getting ready for the dinner soon?" She asked as she retreated off of me.

"I'll make it back here in time. I just need a moment to clear up some of my thoughts." I lied, I wanted to run away.

I left my room and went on a little walk around the castle. Luckily there was no one up and about currently which was a plus. Since I couldn't deal with people right now when my head feels this foggy.

I didn't realize but I walked directly towards the same bench I always sit at whenever I need to think. Stood in front of the bench was a perfect view of the kingdom.

I sighed as I sat down on the bench. Watching as the sun was starting to set over the walls of the Kingdom. Feeling like my thoughts could bridge the gap between me and the setting sun. A guilt forming for the dishonesty I’ve been living by when I know I don’t need it.

"So it is true that you can be find here on this bench." A voice called out from behind me.