Not All Protagonists Go To Heaven

My eyes opened to a clear blue sky. I inhaled a lungful of air, and pushed myself upright from the adrenaline that made my heart pound like a jackhammer. My vision was blurred, and all I saw were splashes of green and blue. I took steady, deep breaths to calm down and become aware of my surroundings. Heat from the sun beat on the back of my neck, and a chilly breeze grazed my arms. As my eyes cleared, I found myself facing a vast, green plain before me.

Everything was flat with no hills, trees, or distant towns to break up the monotony. It’s as if an omnipotent god created the most basic, earth-like world and called it a day. “Where am I?” I muttered. If I moved now and kept walking, would I reach an end? Or am I in an infinite plain that went on forever?

I patted the dirt off my uniform pants and stepped forward. No time like the present to find out. I should be freaking out right now, worried about my whereabouts and how to return home. But the serenity of this place was enough to quell any anxious thought that dared to rise.

But that calmness didn’t last when, upon taking the first step, a deep voice from the sky boomed, “Nathan Acres?”

My heart jumped, “Jesus Christ!” I looked everywhere, trying to find the source of the voice, but I was alone in the field.

“Sorry for the scare,” it said in a lower volume, but still leaving an echo that travelled the land. The scratching of pages turning, and a pencil writing soon followed. “Struck by a white Isuzu truck on the way from school. Standard.”

“Truck? What do you-” Images of a towering truck flashed before my eyes. Its grill with the ISUZU logo inched towards me in slow motion. Once my face drew so close that I stared at my distorted reflection on its metal surface, the image vanished.

In a daze, I blinked a couple of times to process the vision. It wasn’t long before the memories of that commute to school came flooding in my head. I remembered getting up from bed feeling prepped for the first day of exams. However, it wasn’t until I looked at my phone that I realized I overslept. In a rush, I threw on my uniform and ran out the door without considering breakfast or proper hygiene. I ran so fast that I didn’t pay attention to what was in front of me. Just as I stepped on the crosswalk, something struck my side, and everything went black. “So, you’re saying I’m dead?”

“Quite.”

I paced in a circle and sunk deep into my thoughts. Meanwhile, the sounds of pencil on paper continued. “So, now what? Am I in purgatory? Do I go to Heaven or Hell?”

The scribbling stopped. “On, no, none of those exist,” said the voice. “The procedure will go as usual. You’ll reincarnate into a new world.”

I halted my pacing and looked up. “Come again?”

“You’ll wake up in a new body and start a new life. You may choose to live in the same world as your old one. In your case, Earth, Gregorian Calendar Year 2024. Or a different world with unique laws, species, societies, and the like.”

My mouth went agape. “That’s it? No judgement or anything?”

“Nothing like what you were taught in that catholic school of yours.”

Come to think of it, I’ve read hundreds of books about reincarnation before. It’s a form of afterlife believed across most religions. Although, the books I read were far from religious. In Japanese novels and anime, reincarnation, also known as “isekai,” is a popular genre.

The hero, beaten and burned in his old life, dies and awakens in a new world filled with fierce dragons, towering castles, and complex guilds. As the hero grows accustomed to his new life, he goes on a quest to defeat the demon king. But he isn’t alone, because along the way, he gathers a mighty army of... elf girls.

I grinned, and my mouth watered as the realization settled. Not only would I awaken in a world where I can matter for once – where no one can hold me back – but I get the chance to meet cute, possibly tan, elf girls. Have the hours spent reading these novels made me a chosen hero of some sorts? Will I finally gain the magical powers I’ve always dreamed of?

I hopped out of my reverie and held my arms out. “Alright, Jesus. Can I call you Jesus? I’m ready to reincarnate. How does this work? Do I jump through a portal?” I pointed at a couple directions, “Or is it not as easy as it sounds, and I have to go on an epic quest to earn it?”

“Actually, wait,” it said in a lower volume and sounding unsure. “Sorry, I’m new here, so please forgive me. I just received an email from the higher-ups. You can’t reincarnate.”

I frowned, “Wh-why not?”

“You’re not Japanese.”

Disappointment welled up in me. “Not Japanese? What does that have to do with reincarnation?”

“All of our clients, those eligible to reincarnate, are required to have Japanese blood. One hundred percent, in fact. You are American. Born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts.”

Anger began to rise, and I snapped, “I died, right? You yourself said there’s no heaven or hell. Am I just left here? You have no choice but to send me over.”

“That would ruin protocol.” It began writing again, “By the way, you aren’t dead. The truck stopped just before the crosswalk. It barely touched you, but you fell in shock, then hit your head on the concrete.”

"Can’t you, like, make an exception?”

It snapped its fingers, “You’re about to wake up. Have a wonderful day.”

A black hole appeared behind me, bringing strong winds that pulled me towards it, but I held my ground and used all the energy in my legs to run away. “You’re not letting me off that easy, pal. I want my elf girls!”

The force intensified and made me slip, but I gripped onto a bundle of long grass and hung on with all my might. But the black hole’s pull, combined with my weight, was too much for the grass that it tore from the ground, and I was sent flying inside. The plains grew further away as I sunk deeper into the hole. “You son of a-”

***

I woke up to a clear blue sky disturbed by a circle of concerned eyes from other students and the sunglasses of a cop with a beard. Groaning, I pushed myself up, but struggled to maintain balance, as if I just woke up from a deep slumber.

The cop snapped his fingers at me, his cigarette stench seeping into my nostrils as he spoke, “You alright, kid? Should I call an ambulance?”

I shook my head, “No, but I could use a Japanese work visa.”