Why do you look so lonely?

Nightmare 02 – Why do you look so lonely?

What is a dream? What is a nightmare?

They are both creations of the mind, simulations woven from fragments of memories and imagination. They portray events from our past, possibilities of our future, and even impossibilities that will never come to pass. Yet, there is an undeniable difference between them.

In simple terms, if the mind's simulation brings us joy or fulfillment, we call it a dream. Dreams show us the things we long for, the experiences we crave, and the aspirations we hold dear. They are the products of our desires, unfolding during our sleep.

On the other hand, nightmares are what we call bad dreams. They are simulations that betray our hopes, conjuring images and scenarios we dread. Nightmares show us the things we despise, the moments we wish to avoid, and most of all, they show us what we fear.

Someone important to you dies. Or you, yourself die. In nightmares, there are even killers chasing us through twisted landscapes, relentless in their pursuit. These are the simulations that haunt us, the ones so vivid, they don’t just kill us inside the dream but also in reality.

In other words, a true death.

Nightmares are dreadful experiences. Dreams are wondrous. If a dream can fill us with joy and excitement, then a nightmare can plunge us into terror and despair.

No one should want to experience a nightmare. But what if someone who has died twice in such a dream actually, wholeheartedly, wishes to return to it?

Is he strange, mad, or perhaps something else entirely?

This is what I ponder. Perhaps he has a reason to reenter that deadly simulation.

What is more important than one’s life?

As a man, what is more important than my life?

I don't know the answer.

—However, the girl of my dreams appears in my nightmares.

Isn’t that reason enough?

[ [ [] ] ]

Under the stormy night, I find myself in a nightmare. Within that nightmare, there is you. 

[ [ [] ] ]

I was staring at the ground, its color barely visible due to the dim light. Several meters away from the swing where I sat, there was a light post—the only light source in this place—illuminating a set of slides just beneath it.

It was night and I was in a park…but what was I doing here?

I surveyed my surroundings, looking in every direction only to see pure darkness except in my front where the light post stood. It was disturbing—the eeriness of the silence and everything.

Suddenly, the light turned off, and all was enveloped in darkness.

What!?

Then the light returned abruptly…

And there was a girl beneath the post.

Her height was around 150 centimeters. She had long black hair that smoothly draped down to her stomach and her bangs hid her eyes. Her skin was white, pale, and frail as snow. She was approaching slowly, taking small steps as her white gown flapped in a creepy, gracious motion.

A white lady.

Realizing it, my body involuntarily rose up instantly, preparing for whatever she would do to me.

She made another step. It was soundless.

I watched her feet, walking barefoot on the ground in complete silence. No tap, thump, patter, nor any sound. It was as if she was not even touching the ground in the first place. And after a series of steps, she stopped. This time, I looked at her face—I saw her smiling.

A smile that felt weird to me, conveyed two conflicting emotions. The first was relief, and the other was malice.

“I have found you at last.” Her voice was oddly powerful, yet very attractive.

“…What… do you mean?”

“…Ah, I’m really glad. I can finally…” she continued, ignoring my question. She hugged me suddenly, confusing me with her strange actions. “Finally, I can—“

Then I felt a searing pain in my stomach and my eyes widened when I saw it.

I was stabbed with a knife.

“Kill you.”

She pushed me down on the ground and then she released the knife from her hand. She sat on my right side, carefully observing me.

“Why…are you doing this?” I asked, feeling the blood dripping from my mouth. But at the same time I uttered those words, I was wondering.

I was dying yet I could feel no fear nor any panic. It seemed that I was not scared of dying at all. Leaving everything I had built, my friends…and my family doesn’t really matter too, I guess.

With my memories buried somewhere, sometimes, I see this world as gray, mundane, completely alien.

“It’s your fault.”

But why? Why does it feel like this world is so colorful and vivid right now? Is It because of my imminent death? Or…

She suddenly leaned forward and when our faces overlapped—

She kissed me.

“That was my first kiss,” she smiled as she leaned away. “Hey… was that your first too?”

What she was saying didn't make sense to me. I was far too shocked. It was too sudden and unexpected. I couldn’t understand her at all. I just stared at her, eyes wide as a thought entered my mind. 

That was my first kiss, I think...

Her expression was dismayed as she received no answer. Her lips relaxed down, and she whispered almost inaudibly, "Goodbye..." 

She stood up and was about to walk away. 

"He-hey," I muttered weakly.

I didn’t know what crossed my mind at this time and I was just taken by the spur of the moment. However, it didn’t deny the fact that I asked her an unbelievable thing.

“Why do you...look so…lonely?”

She did not reply and she did not move away, still looking at me. It was hard reading her reactions with her eyes concealed with her long bangs. But I could make out one emotion, it was longing.

I felt my body cooling down, losing its temperature as I blankly shifted my vision to the night sky above.

…Seems that I will die any second by now.

That was the last thought I had.