Chapter 9:

Episode 1-8: To Be Understood

Soul Heretic - Promise Bound Souls Episode.1

I remember this moment.

It was late. I had another nightmare.

Like always, my body shook and quivered, as my eyes desperately worked to hold back tears.

You could always tell. Even when you slept, you always knew what I needed.

I could feel you wrap your arms around me. The warmth of your body against me.

It set my heart at ease.

Sophie - “It’ll be alright. It’s just a dream.”

I heard you whisper in the darkness.

Sophie - “Nothing can hurt you when I’m here. I promise. So sleep. Just rest.”

I always could, my eyes quick to close. Safe in your arms.

I want to be safe again. I still want that feeling.

So when I woke, and felt warmth, I couldn’t help but think, for just a moment, when I opened my eyes, I’d see you.

Marianalotongue- “Good evening.”

But I didn’t.

I can’t say I was disappointed with who was there instead.

My head in her lap, I stared up at her face as she stared back down. Her hand ran gently through my hair. It felt nice.

Riley- “Mmm…”

Marianalotongue- “Do you still hurt?”

Riley- “Yeah…”

Marianalotongue- “That makes sense. You should feel all better in a little bit.”

Riley- “Ok.”

It hurts too much to move my eyes, so I just stay focused on her face.

Riley- “Yuta…is he-”

Marianalotongue- “Hmm? Oh yeah. He’s fine. He’s pretty used to getting stabbed and stuff, this was nothing!”

Riley- “He…fucking…what?”

Marianalotongue- “I think one time we had to pack his organs back into his tummy after a close call with a demon. Sarah’s a really good witch. She’s a witch by the way. I guess you deserve to be a bit more in the loop now that you’re involved.”

Riley- “Uhm, ok.”

I’m not sure why, but that makes me chuckle.

Marianalotongue- “Is that funny?”

Riley- “It’s so horrifying I can’t help but laugh.”

Marianalotongue- “I don’t think that’s the right response.”

Riley- “I’m the same person who doesn’t know how to talk to people, remember?”

Marianalotongue- “Oh yeah.”

Riley- “Yeah…”

I gulp. A small silence commences before I start talking once more.

Riley- “I didn’t mean to run away.”

Marianalotongue - “I figured.”

Riley - “I just…couldn’t help it. I was terrified.”

Marianalotongue - “Why?”

Riley - “I was terrified you’d be scared of me. That you’d hate me.”

Marianalotongue - “Because…”

Riley - “Yeah.”

She smiles, and chuckles.

Marianalotongue - “I’d never hate someone for who they are.”

Riley - “Yuta said you wouldn’t. Or, something close.”

Marianalotongue - “The only thing that bothered me was that you lied.”

Riley - “...”

Marianalotongue - “But…I don’t deserve the truth always. I can’t expect someone I hardly know to tell me everything. So…don’t feel like you owe me honesty always.”

Riley - “It’s…not about what you deserve. To lie about that…it’s because I’m stupid.”

Marianalotongue- “You’re not stupid.”

Riley- “Huh?”

Marianalotongue- “I bet Yuta made you think of that word. You both calling yourselves stupid is what’s stupid.”

Riley- “I-I really am though-”

Marianalotongue - “Talking to people is hard. Trusting them is even harder. It’s ok to be bad at it. You’re not an idiot just because you can’t be understood, or you’re…afraid of being understood.”

Her finger rubs against my forehead.

Marianalotongue - “I am too sometimes.”

Riley- “But…I…”

Something was obscuring my gaze. Hot and wet. I could see her face becoming softer.

Riley- “I want…you to understand me.”

I could hear myself begging with every word.

Riley- “I want someone to know me, and accept the meaning of every word I speak.”

Marianalotongue- “Riley…”

Riley- “It’s too much work for mom. She doesn’t even…wanna try! It was too much for everyone I ever spoke to, everyone who left me behind. Everyone who feared me. But I…I like Yuta. I think Sarah is needy but nice. I think those siblings could be fun to know. I…like you…and…want to know you.”

Riley- “I want to stop feeling hopeless.”

I could hear her voice soften.

Marianalotongue- “Tell me what you want to say, then.”

Riley- “I’m scared.”

Marianalotongue- “I was too. But it’ll be ok. So say it.”

Marianalotongue- “I’ll understand you.”

A ball forming in my throat threatened to keep every syllable stuck behind it, but I fought. I fought, until they came bubbling out.

Riley- “I’m gay.”

She smiled, before answering my confession back.

Marianalotongue- “Me too.”

I could feel my heart stop.

Riley- “You…you’re…also…gay?”

The words were whispers, only for us to hear. When the only thing I could be sure of was that I was alone, a monster,, she whispered the only word I ever wanted to hear back.

Marianalotongue- “Yes.”

She stopped rubbing, bending her head down, and letting the tip of her nose touch my forehead.

Marianalotongue - “And, before Sarah repeats the same mistake she made today, I think you’re cute.”

Riley - “I…think you’re…cute…and…nice…and…I…”

Riley - “I…”

I couldn’t say it.

No matter how much I wanted to. The tears were so strong. But I know.

I know she felt it.

Thank you, for proving I’m not alone.

Thank you for your kindness.

Thank you, Marianalotongue.

...

Sarah- “So, this is your place?”

Riley- “Yeah.”

Standing in front of my home, I feel my stomach starting to churn.

Riley- “Thanks for walking with.”

Sarah- “No need to thank me for that. You were pretty helpful today, you know.”

Riley- “I definitely don’t feel like I was.”

Sarah- “Helpful for a girl with no magic advantages. You really put that trash can lid to work.”

Riley- “I can’t tell if you’re messing with me…”

Sarah- “Think what you want, I’m free to keep the level of sincerity to myself. Now, how about we go give your mom a heart attack?”

Riley- “I think I’d rather die…”

Sarah pats my shoulder before pushing me forward, down the path to the porch and up to the door. She handles the knocking.

After a moment, I can hear the sound of quick footsteps before the door whips open and, standing there with a wild look in her eyes, is my mother.

Riley- “Hey mom-”

Mom- “Where the fuck were you?!”

Her hands seem to spasm with uncertainty before grabbing my shoulders and pulling me into her embrace. It’s tight, and kinda uncomfortable…no, actually, it’s very uncomfortable.

Sarah- “I apologize for stealing your daughter for so long.”

Through my peripheral vision I can see Sarah slightly bowing.

Mom- “Excuse me?”

Sarah- “My brother was…he was hurt bad, and I couldn’t get him back home myself. Your daughter, she…she stopped everything she was doing to help me and I’m…I’m so grateful.”

I could hear what sounded like choked back tears. Damn, she’s great at this.

Mom- “Riley…oh, my baby girl. Such a sweetheart.”

Riley- “I-it was no b-biggie…mom, I can’t brea-”

Sarah- “The least I could do was bring her home…and apologize for being such a burden.”

Mom- “No no, you have nothing to apologize for honey. I know my girl’s got a big heart. You get on home now, okay?”

Sarah- “O-ok. I’ll-I’ll see you tomorrow Riley! I’ll never forget this!”

With that, the sound of her leaving footfalls signals her leave, before mom finally lets me go and lets me inside.

Stepping through the doorway, I can see on the living room table a glass full of red, a wine bottle, and a cellphone.

The door closes behind me.

Mom- “Who was that?”

Ah…damn, guess it was too much to hope for that she’d buy it.

Riley- “She’s, uhm, Sarah.”

Mom- “A friend?”

Riley- “Y-yeah. She’s a friend.”

Mom- “I see…”

There’s a pause, before I feel a pat on my shoulder.

Mom- “Call next time.”

She walks past, back to the couch and sits down, picking back up her phone.

Mom- “Fuck I’ve got a lot of people to call back now.”

Riley- “I’m sorry.”

Mom- “I’m sure.”

I feel a twist in my gut before I go for the stairs, heading up to the second floor.

Arriving back in my room, I feel my whole body relax.

I don’t bother undressing, just walking over to my mattress and falling onto it. My eyes close quickly, exhaustion catching up to me.

Riley- “Mmm…”

I see flashes. Flashes of that thing, it’s disgusting whips colored like veins, the baby head peeking out of its mouth. I could feel my teeth clenching.

Riley- “Stop…”

I sigh, my eyes opening. Not good. There’s absolutely no way I’ll be sleeping with this on my mind.

Think about anything else.

Ah. That’s right.

I have people to see tomorrow.

A slight blush tinges my cheeks.

It feels a little nerve wracking. I try to move past the giddy nervousness but I just can’t.

Riley- “I can’t have a repeat of today…”

I definitely can’t afford to run away just because I feel like an idiot.

I’m the one who made her confess…something like that.

Marianalotongue - “Me too”

Riley - “...nnnngh…”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

My mind feels like it's going a million miles a minute as I shove my face into my pillow.

Even though my heart and brain are in a panic, I’m smiling. More than I think I have in my whole life. I roll this way and that before becoming a starfish and staring up at my ceiling.

Riley - “I know a gay girl.”

The words leave lips and feel like fiction made reality.

Riley - “And she’s so fucking pretty.”

Her beautiful skin…beautiful eyes…beautiful hair and face and clothes and nghahgahdnknef.

Riley - “Shit…I totally like her.”

I gulp.

Riley - “I like a girl, and there’s a chance that won’t freak her out.”

My bright red cheeks are squished with my smile growing even wider.

I can’t wait.

I can’t wait for tomorrow.

…

Sarah - “Hey.”

Yuta - “Mmm…”

Sitting in a cafe, Yuta types away at his computer while Sarah stares daggers into his forehead.

Sarah - “Why’d you do it?”

Yuta - “What do you mean?”

Sarah - “You made a pact with death.”

Yuta - “...”

Sarah - “You know that’s impossible to take back. You were so set against it.”

Yuta - “You know why.”

Sarah - “You’ve known her for a few hours! You have to let people stay dead all the time! So why her?!”

His fingers freeze on his keyboard.

Yuta - “Because I won’t let someone who’s so similar to me not find happiness.”

That seems to shut her up.

Yuta - “I won’t…believe it’s impossible for someone like me to find what they want in life. If I could get this far, it’s only fair that she gets the chance to do the same.”

Sarah - “That’s not worth trading your soul for.”

Yuta - “Only I can determine that.”

Sarah - “When did…you get so confident?”

She bit her lip, but the drips hitting the table were enough for him to notice the consequences of his actions.

Sarah - “You’ll never put yourself first will you?”

Yuta - “No.”

Sarah - “Yeah…I wonder where you learned that from.”

The two grow quiet, before Sarah reaches over and places a hand on his head.

Sarah - “Still, congrats. You’ve made your first friend without any help from me.”

She ruffles his hair, with no resistance from him.

Sarah - “I’m proud of you.”

Yuta - “Thank you.”