Mayumi & Decisions: Part Three

‘Just know Katsumi, you have to put in the effort.’

I know that. It sounds so simple but it isn’t.

Katsumi was left daydreaming in the middle of a class. His mind was stuck on Arata and how to go about approaching her.

I might be able to approach her if she was alone. Though it feels impossible when she’s with her friends. Especially when one of those friends is Akito…

He looked to his left to see Mayumi diligently writing in her notebook. Paying close attention to what the professor was saying.

But it’s up to me… Damnit. After this class I’ll talk to her. It doesn’t matter who she’s with. Just thinking about coming up to her when she’s in a group makes me nervous. What the hell. Why am I fidgety like some middle school boy confessing? Going up and talking to someone you know is trivial.

Is it because it’s Akito and Nakagawa? And what I’ve said to them? It shouldn’t be embarrassing following through on my promises.

Mayumi stood in a cluster of people outside of the classroom. The group was composed of Saki, Yui, Jackson, and another guy Katsumi didn’t know. Saki and Jackson were caught up in a conversation while Yui and Mayumi were engaged with the other guy.

Katsumi stared at them. Not even a year ago that would have been me… What happened?

Mayumi was looking down at some papers, presumably the homework they were just assigned last period. Even in this moment intertwined with a group, Arata seemed to distance herself.

Was that how she always was? Or was it because of how she’d been feeling recently?

I have to— Katsumi took in breath in an attempt to calm himself.

He began walking down the hallway towards Mayumi. Something that sounded like the most trivial task a person can do, suddenly felt like a herculean feat.

I’ve already started walking, I can’t turn around now, that’d just look weird.

Katsumi caught a glimpse of Mayumi looking at him out of the corner of his eye as he strode down the hallway.

Night had come, and like most nights recently, Katsumi was lying on his couch staring at the ceiling.

The smell of Tobacco had fully set back into his apartment. Opening windows or using air-freshener didn’t make a difference anymore. An ashtray sat on his living room table, holding a cigarette that slowly burned.

The hole between their apartments had been patched a few days ago. Katsumi only noticed now as he looked over at the wall.

I couldn’t do it.

                                                                            ☒ ☒ ☒

“No.” A Saki’s voice cut through the air.

“Hah?”

“There’s only one reason I can think of that would make you show up to your morning class.”

Saki stood with her arms crossed in the doorway to a lecture hall, blocking Katsumi.

“N-no, I just had a change of heart. I thought I should start coming to this class on time.”

“Murakami, just go. Don’t try this.” Saki had a serious look in her eyes.

Shut down already… It’s the perfect chance to bail out. Katsumi looked past Saki and into the classroom.

Mayumi sat in a seat next to Jackson, scrolling on her phone. She looked up and over to the doorway—the two made eye contact. The look in her eyes was different from Saki’s, they looked as if they were waiting for this moment, asking him to not listen to Saki.

“Akito, this doesn’t concern you.”

“Don’t think you can—”

Katsumi pushed past her.

I couldn’t sleep because of this. I thought all night, building up the courage. It would all mean nothing now if I just went in and ignored Arata.

He was now standing over the desk Mayumi was at. Neither of them said anything, even though it was clear they both had so much on their minds.

Hirano wouldn’t lie to me. It’s stupid to even think that. I know Arata wants me to do this. He clenched his fist while she kept staring up at him.

“C-can you come with me? We need to talk.”

Mayumi shut off her cellphone and stood up in an instant.

Hirano was right… I’m so glad…

Katsumi didn’t think of what to do after this point, only that he wanted to be alone with her. The two silently left the classroom, and aimlessly wandered through the campus.

“Arata, I—” Katsumi began to speak but went into an extended silence.

“You…?”

“I’ve been thinking. About what I did…” All my fears feel right. This is too hard.

Mayumi remained silent.

“I-I came to the realization that… I want to make it up to you… I want to— no, I’m going to make this right. I’ve thought over and over about what I did and what people told me. I-I’ve decided that I can’t let you go on like this.”

A distant smile formed on Mayumi’s face. “Murakami, thank you. But, I’m not some heroine that needs to be saved. I’m going to be fine. You do not have to worry about this anymore.”

What? What is she saying? She’s blatantly lying.

“Arata… I’d believe you if you could say that without that look on your face... I can tell you're lying.”

Mayumi didn’t respond.

“Don’t say things like that. I know there isn’t any one thing I could do or say to make you trust me again, but I want a chance to show you. I want you to believe in me again.”

Katsumi took a deep breath.

“I keep thinking about it, and I can’t stand this. I hate what I’ve done. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t get this feeling out of my head. It’s telling me to go back to you.”

This is probably the last thing she wants to hear. I know she’s lying, but it’s for a reason. Most likely as a way to try and push me away with the least amount of trouble… I really didn’t think this through. Thinking about it now, my request is really selfish… I never for a second considered if she wanted this.

It’s unfair to her… I’m lying too, aren’t I? Would she really be alright if we made amends just for me to put distance between us? Isn’t that what she tried to do in the last few weeks?

“Alright.” Mayumi said.

Hm? What?

“You shouldn’t look surprised. I think you spoke honestly. A few weeks ago I probably wouldn’t have believed you, but just now, I think you really meant what you said. I’ll go along with you for now.”

What’s this feeling?

“This weekend then.”

She agreed?

“You are free this weekend, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Make it up to me then, okay?” Mayumi’s distant smile felt close and familiar now.

“Y-yes, I will. S-so don’t plan anything.”