The Platinum-Coin Princess and the Broken Blade

So, I just crawled out of this dungeon after 40 days. 40. Days. Sunlight? What's that? Seriously considering suing the dungeon for emotional distress and vitamin D deficiency.

Anyhoo, back in Graaswell, I'm all dusty, smelly, and covered in monster guts. But hey, those sweet legendary loot items I snagged? Totally worth it. Never again, I swear. ...Until next weekend. gotta fund my badass boots addiction somehow.

I walk past the wall, and what do I see? Amiria and Watoson, our "elite" guard duo, giggling like schoolgirls. Amiria's doing this whole dramatic retelling of the prince faceplanting into the royal pudding. Watoson's eyes are wider than my inventory when I found that enchanted dagger.

I'm like, "Hey lovebirds, shouldn't you two be, I dunno, guarding? Goblins don't take vacations, you know." Amiria turns beet red and stutters out a "Welcome back, Lady Alexandra." I just wink and give her a playful nudge. Gotta keep 'em on their toes.

40 days in a dungeon. Zero sunlight. Zero human contact. Zero Pocky. Then, BAM! I emerge, blinking, into... Graaswell's annual Pocky Festival? Seriously? It's like a Lisa Frank notebook threw up rainbows and glitter everywhere.

My brain: Woah mama, is this a festival or did a candy factory explode?
My ears: bleeding from the overly cheerful music
My stomach: growls loud enough to rival a dragon's roar
Me: internally screaming and humming "Renai Circulation" to drown out the noise

I miss my headphones. I miss my anime openings. I miss not being surrounded by a sea of people high on sugar and happiness. Send help. Or better yet, send me back to my world so I can binge-watch my favorite shows in peace.

But first, food. My stomach is staging a coup and I'm pretty sure everyone heard it. facepalm Why does food always betray me in public?

Okay, so, food. Priorities, people! I'm scanning the festival like a hawk, and this one food stall is giving off serious eat me vibes. The sign says "Takoyaki"? Sounds... edible. And by edible, I mean I'm about to gnaw my own arm off.

I get closer, and the vendor is OUT. Like, drooling-on-the-counter out. Raises an eyebrow New definition of customer service, I guess.

I try to wake him gently. Nope. Okay, time for Plan B: the dramatic awakening. I slam my hands on the counter, unleashing a battle cry worthy of a dragon slayer.

Narrator (me, in my head): And as she raises her voice, a single tear rolls down her cheek-

ME: WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!

*Narrator (me, still in my head): ...Sorry.

ME: JUST GIVE ME THE FOOD, YOU SLEEPY OAF!

He jumps awake, nearly faceplanting into a suspicious puddle. As I lean over to check if he's alive, my dress... malfunctions. You know, the whole accidental boob exposure thing.

Vendor: eyes wide with terror I-I have a family!

Me: blushing like a tomato It's not what it looks like! I just want food!

Awkward silence intensifies

Me: regaining composure Takoyaki. Now.

Vendor: F-four copper coins.

Me: slams down a platinum coin Here. Take it. And let's never speak of this again.

Okay, so I'm at this food stall, right? The sign says "Takoyaki al Forno," and it smells like heaven. The vendor, Marco, is explaining how it's like these little octopus balls cooked in an oven, and I'm SOLD.

The price? A few measly copper coins. Now, I've been binge-watching MrBeast lately, and you know how he does those insane giveaways? Well, my brain's kinda stuck in that mode.

So instead of handing over the coppers, I whip out a PLATINUM COIN. Like, the kind you'd use to buy a castle or something.

Marco's eyes are about to pop out of his skull. He's probably thinking, "Did this chick just stumble out of a dragon's hoard or what?"

Meanwhile, I'm internally channeling my inner MrBeast, like, "Make it rain, baby!"

If this wasn't an isekai someone's probably recording this for TikTok. I'm pretty sure I just became a meme.

Okay, so, confession time: I'm starving. Like, could-eat-a-goblin-raw starving. And then, I smell it. That mouthwatering mix of sizzling batter and melted cheese. It's like a siren song for my stomach.

I stumble over to this food stall, and my jaw drops. This mountain of a man with the thickest accent I've ever heard is flipping these golden orbs of deliciousness like a pro. I'm mesmerized.

Me: eyes sparkling Wow, that looks amazing! So, what's your name, mister chef? I'm Alexandra.

Chef: beaming Marco, at your service, bella! And these are not just ordinary takoyaki. These are takoyaki al forno, a fusion of Japanese and Italian cuisine.

Me: raises eyebrow Takoyaki... al forno? That's a fancy name for a ball of food.

Marco: slightly offended Fancy? This is a culinary masterpiece! Imagine the soft, chewy texture of takoyaki combined with the rich, cheesy goodness of a suppli. It's a symphony of flavors!

Me: internally Okay, I'm in love. With the food. And maybe a little bit with Marco...

Okay, hear me out. I'm starving, right? And the smell of this takoyaki al forno is making my tastebuds do the cha-cha. Marco, the chef, is all like, "It's a fusion of Japanese and Italian cuisine, blah blah blah." I don't care about the culinary history lesson, dude, I just want the recipe.

So, my ADHD brain kicks in. Before I know it, I've snatched a piece of spaghetti from a nearby table and I'm waving it in Marco's face like a weapon.

Me: eyes narrowed Spill the secret formula, or this noodle gets it!

Marco: clutching his chest like a damsel in distress Mamma mia! Please, don't break the pasta! I'll tell you everything!

Internal monologue Dude, you're Italian in spirit, not nationality. Also, I paid you a platinum coin for this food, so technically, the recipe is already mine.

Marco starts rattling off ingredients: "One cup flour, one egg, dashi stock..." I'm frantically scribbling it all down on a napkin.

Narrator (me, in my head): And as she writes, a single bead of sweat trickles down her brow-

ME: WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!

*Narrator (me, still in my head): ...Fine.

<FOOTNOTE>
Ingredients:

Alright, let's get down to the secret formula to be spilled and whip up this Takoyaki al Forno, a fusion dish that'll have your taste buds singing!

First things first, let's tackle the batter. Grab a bowl and toss in a cup of flour, an egg, and a cup and a half of dashi (or any stock you have on hand). Whisk it all together until it's smooth as silk. Think pancake batter consistency, but maybe a tad thicker. Now, for the fun part! Gently fold in some chopped cooked octopus (or shrimp, if you're feeling adventurous), a handful of chopped green onions, a bit of pickled ginger for that tangy kick, and if you've got them, some leftover tempura scraps for a little extra crunch.

Next up, we're making the supplì filling. This is where things get cheesy! Combine a cup of cooked risotto (or Arborio rice), some diced mozzarella (don't be shy!), a sprinkle of Parmesan, and a pinch of salt and pepper. Mix it all up and roll it into small balls, like little Italian treasures.

Now, let's get this party started in the oven. Crank up that heat to 375°F and give your baking dish a quick greasing. Pour a bit of batter into the dish, just enough to cover the bottom. Gently place your risotto balls on top of the batter, then smother them with the remaining batter.

Pop it in the oven and let it bake for about 20-25 minutes, or until the top is golden and crispy. You'll know it's ready when it smells like a heavenly mix of Japanese street food and Italian comfort food.

If you're a fan of extra crispy goodness, here's a little bonus step: coat those baked balls in flour, dip them in beaten egg, and then roll them in breadcrumbs. Fry them up in hot oil until they're golden brown and irresistible.

And there you have it, folks! Takoyaki al Forno, a dish that's as fun to make as it is to eat. So go on, dig in and enjoy this unique flavor explosion!

</FOOTNOTE>

Okay, so I'm vibing with this chef Marco, right? He's making these bomb-ass takoyaki, and I'm all, "Dude, you look like a buff Super Mario." He gives me a blank stare, and I realize... wrong universe. Awkward.

Me: So, how'd you end up in this medieval-ish world with a takoyaki stand?

Marco: dramatically Shipwreck. Magical cookbook. Pasta.

Me: Sounds about right. I just crawled out of a dungeon. My clothes are currently traumatized thanks to some slimes with an attitude.

Marco: chuckles Dungeon crawl? You look more like a scholar.

Me: Appearances can be deceiving. I've seen things that would make a goblin blush.

Narrator (me, in my head): Like, say, a certain dress malfunction...

Me: WOULD YOU JUST LET ME TELL THE STORY?!

*Narrator (me, still in my head): sips tea

Me: Anyway, it was... eventful. Goblin hordes, slime infestation, a showdown with a goblin grandpa who looked like he'd been pickled in vinegar...

Marco: laughing Goblin grandpa?

Suddenly, this old dude with a questionable toupee stumbles over, smelling like a brewery exploded.

Old Dude: You callin' me a vinegar-soaked pickle, huh?!

He tries to punch me, but he's moving slower than a snail on sleeping pills. Chaos erupts. Marco grabs a spatula and goes full Italian Mama Bear.

Thwack! I get knocked back, and then... this dude with Fabio hair swoops in to save the day.

What in the actual heck is happening?!

Okay, so this old dude clocks me in the face. Like, full-on Saitama punch. Before I can even process it, the takoyaki stand turns into a chicken coop with everyone scattering. Marco's over there, brandishing a wooden spoon like it's Excalibur.

Then, swish - a sword comes out of nowhere, blocking Grandpa Fist-of-Fury's next swing. This dude in a fancy outfit steps in, looking like he just walked out of a shampoo commercial.

Prince Gabrielle: "Sir, striking a woman is a grave offense in Graaswell."

Me: rubbing my cheek And nearly slicing my nose off with your sword is perfectly acceptable?

Prince Gabrielle: smirks Better than a broken nose, wouldn't you say?

Okay, he's got a point. And damn, that smile could charm a dragon.

Internal monologue Note to self: Find out if this prince is single. Also, get that takoyaki recipe from Marco. Priorities.

Okay, so this "Prince Charming" guy is about to arrest the old dude who punched me. But Grandpa Methuselah decides to pull a fast one and accuses ME of stealing HIS money.

Old Man: waving my coin pouch See? She stole it! Arrest her!

Me: internally screaming That's my hard-earned dungeon loot, you senile squirrel!

Prince Gabrielle: detective mode activated Old man, are the coins copper, silver, or gold?

Old Man: smirks Silver, obviously. She's a peasant.

Me: about to throw hands again THEY'RE PLATINUM, YOU BLIND BAT!

Crowd: gasps collectively

Prince Gabrielle: Platinum, you say? opens my pouch, sees a dragon's hoard worth of shiny coins

Old Man: face = ⊙_⊙

Me: sobbing uncontrollably IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE! I EARNED THEM!

Okay, I know, I know. I'm not usually a crier. But the stress of the dungeon, the near-death experiences, the accidental flashing, and now this? It's all a bit much, okay?

Suddenly, a voice booms through the crowd...

Okay, so this whole situation is a mess. I'm sobbing like a baby, the old dude's making me look like a thief, and the crowd's buzzing with gossip. It's like a daytime soap opera, but with more slime residue on my clothes.

Suddenly, a familiar fiery mane bursts through the chaos. It's Alepou, my dungeon crawling partner-in-crime and voice of reason.

Alepou: looking like a badass goddess Alex? What in the Seven Hells is going on here?

Me: between hiccups He... said... stole...

Alepou's eyes lock onto the old dude clutching my coin pouch. Her expression could freeze hell over.

Alepou: death glare activated You dare accuse her of theft?

Her voice is like ice, but her words are fire. Prince Charming tries to calm her down, but she's not having it.

Alepou: That pouch and every platinum coin in it belongs to Alex. We earned it together, fighting tooth and nail in that forsaken dungeon!

The crowd is stunned. Prince Charming looks intrigued. Old dude is sweating bullets.

Me: internally Damn, Alepou, you're a freaking legend.

Okay, so my BFF Alepou is officially going Super Saiyan. The prince is trying to de-escalate the situation, but Alepou's not having it. She's radiating pure rage, like she's about to unleash a Kamehameha wave.

Prince Gabrielle: trying to reason with a hurricane Please, let's not resort to violence...

Alepou: lunges at the old dude

Prince Gabrielle: blocks with his sword

CRACK! The sword shatters into a million pieces.

Prince Gabrielle: more concerned about the sword than his life My sword! My precious sword!

Alepou: deadpan It was just a toy.

Everyone in the crowd is freaking out. I'm pretty sure I saw a couple of people spontaneously combust from fear.

Alepou: turns to the crowd, eyes glowing Listen well, all of you. If you stand against Alexandra, you stand against ME. And you will regret it.

Okay, she's definitely gone full anime protagonist. I'm kinda scared, but also really impressed.

Then, everything gets weird. The world starts spinning, and I'm flooded with memories from another life. A bully, a broken toy, a vibrating banana... WTF is happening?!

Okay, so I black out for a second, and when I come to, it's like a different reality. Alepou's hovering over the old dude, looking like she just realized she accidentally kicked a puppy.

Alepou: Alex, are you okay? Did I... hurt you?

Me: Nah, I'm good. Just had a weird flashback. But it seems like things played out a bit differently this time...

Cue mischievous grin

Me: Let's just say your hidden power manifested itself in a... unique way. The old man didn't get punched. He got... bounced.

Alepou: looking confused

Me: Think of it like... a chest-based catapult. He got too close, and physics did its thing.

Alepou: face turns the color of a ripe tomato Oh dear gods...

Prince Gabrielle: I... don't understand.

Me: shrugging Alternate timeline, alternate outcomes. But hey, at least nobody got seriously hurt this time, right?

Prince Gabrielle: looks at his broken sword, then at the unconscious old dude Well... there's that.

Okay, so my friend Alepou is mad. Like, really mad. She lunges at the old dude who tried to steal my loot, and he trips and falls... right into her chest.

What happens next is straight out of a cartoon.

Dude gets launched like a rocket. Alepou's boobs didn't change size (still a respectable 39-22-39), but they suddenly became denser than a neutron star. Imagine getting hit by a milk truck made of pure boob.

Me: blinking in disbelief Did that guy just get knocked out... by boobs?

Alepou: looking at her own chest like it's an alien life form I think he bounced off my chest.

Me: dying of laughter BOUNCED?! This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen!

Alepou: blushing so hard she could power a small village I don't know what happened!

Me: patting her on the back Don't worry about it. It's just another day in Isekai, right?

But deep down, I know this is just the beginning of something weird. And bouncy.

Okay, so my friend Alepou just invented a new martial art. We'll call it... "Boob-Fu."

It all started when this old dude tried to steal our hard-earned platinum. Alepou got mad, he tripped, and BAM! He bounced off her chest like it was made of titanium.

Me: Did you punch him, or did he just trip?

Alepou: staring at her own chest in horror I think he bounced off my boobs.

Me: dying of laughter Seriously?!

Alepou: blushing like a tomato I don't know what happened! One minute they were normal, and the next... rock hard. Do you think anyone will ever want to marry me now?

Me: trying not to laugh Don't worry, girl. Someone out there will appreciate a woman with a little extra... power.

Meanwhile, the guards show up, looking like they just walked into a tornado made of takoyaki and tears.

Amiria: Orange Fury, care to explain?

Alepou: It was an accident, I swear!

Internal monologue Yeah, an accident that involved my boobs becoming sentient weapons of mass destruction.

Alepou's freaking out, the old dude's out cold, and the market looks like a goblin raid happened. And to top it all off, she's threatening to sue her hormones.

Me: Well, that escalated quickly. Nice work with the... uh, chest bump?

Alepou: sobbing This isn't funny, Alex! I'm a walking disaster!

Sigh I guess this is what happens when you mix dungeon crawling with puberty.

Okay, so my friend Alepou just discovered her hidden talent: weaponized boobs. Seriously, this old dude got a face full of chest and went flying.

Me: Chill, girl. It was a one-time thing. Besides, who wouldn't want a girlfriend who's a human airbag?

Alepou: glaring at me

Me: Okay, maybe not the best choice of words. But seriously, we need to figure this out.

Meanwhile, the guards are freaking out, the prince is having a meltdown over his broken sword, and I'm just trying to enjoy my takoyaki.

Prince Gabrielle: points at me dramatically YOU! You did this!

Me: sarcastically Just kidding. I wanted a drink. summons an iceberg on the table

Prince Gabrielle: jaw drops But... how...?

Me: flips him off Buzz off middle finger(ಠ_ಠ)🖕, Your Highness. You're like a broken record.

Internal monologue Seriously, dude, chill.

Then, I start humming "Lero lero lero lero." You know, like Kakyoin from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

Prince Gabrielle: eyes light up Kakyoin's Lero Lero?! As in... JoJo's Bizarre Adventure?

Me: You know JoJo's?

Prince Gabrielle: I may be royalty in this world, but in another life, I was a total weeb.

Me: bursts out laughing We're gonna be best friends.

Alepou: interrupts our bonding moment Ahem, lovebirds. Can we focus on the unconscious old dude and the fact that I just weaponized my boobs?

Me: sigh Fine. But first, takoyaki.

Takes a bite, burns tongue Ow, fck! Hot, hot, hot! Sht! I bit my tongue... Damn it! Let me continue the story later.