The Succubus

The morning sun shone through the curtains, illuminating Neo’s messy room, with the extinguished candles, the ruined, bloody summoning circle, and the heaps of trash that had begun accumulating since time immemorial.

Neo awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He was greeted by a skimpy clad, red haired girl, with horns and small wings, residing on top of him.

"Oh, you are finally awake! So, what are we waiting for?" She asked as she leaned forward and sniffed his scent.

She had to do a double take.

"Wait, you're a virgin? Tsk," she snickered in disappointment. "Boy, I am a Succubus, and this isn't 'Nam! There are rules here."

"What's 'Nam?"

"Voidnam?" she asked.

He just shrugged his shoulders.

"The empty, ruleless, and chaotic expanse," she said. "Don't they teach you anything in magic academy anymore?"

"Oh, great, is this one of those fantasy scenarios?" he asked. "Can't even get laid by a Succubus... in my own dreams..."

"This isn't a dream, boy."

"Huh?"

"What do you mean 'huh'? Where are we anyway? This doesn't look like Windhill, Arabor, or Rockwell."

He just raised an eyebrow.

She looked around.

"Wait... Is this another realm? Heavens no! Even if I could finish the deed, are you telling me I'd be stuck... wherever here is?"

As she gradually moved back, her right hand got stuck in a puddle of spilled, leftover instant ramen that had fallen out of a trash bag.
"Ew. Couldn’t you have at least cleaned a bit before summoning me? This is the worst. No wonder you never had a girl."

Neo skillfully evaded the trash while also dodging her complaints and slowly stood up, still not fully grasping the situation on hand.

"So… I am not dreaming… and you’re a Succubus?"

"Yes, I am Sirena. And who are you, deaf virgin?"

"People call me Neo," he said as he ruffled his hair and pressed his hand against his aching head. "And I am not deaf. I just have a hangover. What are those rules you were talking about?"

"Oh, hey, you did pay attention!" she exclaimed as she clapped her hands. "It’s quite simple, actually. I draw out the life energy of the ones I mate with, while drawing upon their memories of prior partners… the more prolific my partner's prior sexual exploits, the stronger the illusion, and the more energy I can extract. Thus, you are not an option," Sirena said and shrugged.

"So… if you drain someone's life force… why the hell would anyone in their right mind summon you?"

"For the same reason someone pays a hoe with money that they gained through sacrificing their blood, sweat, tears, and lifetime. Same difference. Though we do provide a better service, even if it comes at a higher price. The usual old wizard wanting to relive his youth… the occasional young wizard wanting to relive the time with his now ex… there can be many reasons. Anyway, I answered your question, now it’s my turn! Where the hell am I?"

"You're in a realm called Earth."

"Never heard of it. I am from A'tuin Three," Sirena said.

"Never heard of it," Neo replied, while his stomach rumbled and the headache stung with a vengeance.

"Let's postpone this issue. I’ll head out and grab something to eat, and to deal with this hangover. In the meantime…" Neo said, as he grabbed one of the devices from a shelf. "This is my… call it a magical library. It can replay scenes that others recorded in the past… It's like a pocket theater of sorts. You just use that thing and click here, or there, like this. Get it?" he asked as he demonstrated how to use the device.

"I am a Succubus, not the village blonde," Sirena said as she started to mess around with his device. "What even is all this stuff? Clockwise something, counterclockwise something... Chicks with sticks? What the fuck?"

"Hey, don't look at me, I am neither the producer nor the consumer. I just sell this stuff. Supply and demand. The invisible hand of the market. Ever heard of that?"

"Is that one of this realm's great ghostly demon lords?"

"Not even close. Anyway, what I was trying to say is, 'I am pretty vanilla myself.'"

"Well, duh... virgin."

"Could you please stop rubbing that in?"

"Depends. Could you stop rubbing one out and get with a girl?"

"Now you are just mean for the sake of it. I am at the convenience store. Getting myself breakfast."

"Great, and what about me? YOU were supposed to be MY breakfast!" Sirena exclaimed.

"Your breakfast is canceled!" Neo said as he slammed the door behind him.