Chapter 0:

The final page of a diary

My life was already on hard-mode even after reincarnated as a different person

(*Hello, it's Lilas, the person who clumsily puts their idea into words and lines.
Before you read, I have one thing I would like to suggest.
I have a habit which is I often listening to music while reading, so I love to recommend one song when you read this prologue.
It is called [Call of Silence (Clear Sky Remix) (Instrumental)].
Because you can't copy&paste the link, I can't put it here. You can find this song on YouTube.
The title of the video is the same as what it is called above.
I personally found the song fit this chapter when I wrote and reread this, so I hope you will feel the same.
I will end my monologue here, and I thank you so much for reading this work of mine.
Please enjoy the chapter, the music, and look forward to the next chapters*).

What would you expect when you reach the age of 20?

The time that is always hailed as the peak of youth?

The time when you are enjoying your college life?

The time when you are having fun with friends in many vibrant places?

The time when you can stay out late but still be nagged by your parents?

The time when you are wondering about your future occupation?

The time when you are walking alongside your girlfriend, hand in hand?

The time when you can graduate from your virginity?

The time when you are dreaming about marriage and kids?

The time when you are swamped with schoolwork and part-time work?

Whatever might pop up in your head, I'm sure you will be having a blast.

And I'm very envious of you.

A soliloquy on Thursday, August 7th, 2024.

It was a peaceful night.

The outside was drizzling while the sky was clear. I'm sure it's just a passing rain and will end soon. The moon wasn't as bright as it was yesterday.

I was in my room.

My room wasn't big but it was enough to live by myself.

The TV was showing my favourite anime which aired every Thursday. By the way, the ending was playing.

The bookshelf, which was placed beside the TV, maybe too small since there are books on the floor.

"I may have bought too much"

I once thought that while looking at the piles of books that might collapse at any moment.

The comfy bed that I paid extra attention to was where except for sleeping, I often sat to read books.

The curtain I bought to block the sunlight on the window was hung open. It seems that the rain has stopped.

I was sitting at my desk and was in the middle of finishing today's diary.

Swirling my pen, I was deep in thought.

Looking at the lines I wrote earlier, I thought about my life.

Not being as peaceful and tranquil as tonight, it was not to the point of tragedy, but it was a horrible one.

I was the only child in a normal family with my parents.

We were not a wealthy family but not a poor one, either.

I lived like every other kid, going to school, playing, eating and sleeping. To sum up, it was very normal.

Until my parents passed away due to a car accident when I just finished my first year of high school.

Devastated as I was, I had to watch my relatives arguing over my guardian issue.

My father was hated by my relatives since he inherited the house according to my grandfather's will. He also said that since his other children were so useless and awful, they didn't inherit much.

My mother was the only child and her parents already passed away.

As a result, I was also hated by them.

Whether it was fortunate, my uncle took me in. He was my father's elder brother.
He was still single despite being 5 years older than my father. No one wants to marry him, so do I if I were a woman.

My life with him was worse than I thought. He forced me to get a job since he always burned his money into alcohol and gambling.

I could only do part-time jobs so the pay wasn't much, but he still took all of that. The only time he gives me money is when he pays my tuition and my meals, which "enough" is an overstatement.

He was abusive and a horrible uncle. He yelled at me when he was drunk or angry, sometimes he used violence and hit me hard enough to be unable to attend school on the next day.

I was exhausted with school and work, to the point I wanted to collapse at the front door. There were already histories by the way.

When I was sleeping due to exhaustion, he yelled at me for wanting me to clean his house and his room.

His room was a pain to clean, it was so untidy and stink of cigarettes that I struggled to clean.
The exhaustion kept accumulating.

Because of this, I kept missing class and didn't learn properly. Therefore, I always failed at my exams.

I was told by my teacher, and sometimes she invited my uncle to come to my school for parent-teacher meetings, he always evaded the problem.

My high school life was a disaster. No knowledge, no friend, no love, no youth.

Envy was always written on my face whenever I watched my peers walking and talking together, planning where to go next. Or those who were enjoying their student love.

At least I was lucky enough to not get bullied.

The high school life sailed like a wind for others, but for me, it was like the clock was ticking as it had to.

The graduation was in March, the cherry flowers were about to fully bloom, ending my time as a student.

I was old enough to get a full-time job, you know what comes next.

I couldn't do anything about that so I decided to discard the plan of going into my dream university and started looking for a job.

I was 18 back then.

Working was hard, but I tried my best. I also got my first girlfriend. She was 5 years older.

I met her at my job and we really click. I felt comfortable with her. I found myself at ease whenever I talked to her and it made me forget my awful uncle at home.

I confessed to her and she agreed. I thought to myself that I would treasure this relationship.

Until I witnessed her having sex with my uncle in my house.

The moaning of my girlfriend, the grumble of my uncle, the loud noise when their private parts slammed at each other, their sweat all over the mattress, the pleasure shown on their faces...

Seeing that, I didn't know what to feel.

I was speechless due to shock and tried to get out of there but tumbled to my feet and fell down to the floor.

I turned around while my heart was beating loud enough that I could hear it, my uncle and my girlfriend were there, half-naked.

My uncle glared at me, he kicked me in the stomach and yelled at me to get out of there. I was too shocked and scared to move. I finally got out of there after he kicked me again.

I ran out of the house.

Bewilderedly sitting on a bench in a park near my house.

The evening I was just about to get home after working all day, in order to see that.

"How..."

I thought while my hands still shaking. I don't know what to think. I might have cried.

I broke up with my girlfriend after that. But she is still in and out of my house with my uncle.

I found out later that apparently, she agreed to date me because it was fun to her and all of her actions were acting. She met my uncle at her regular bar and hit off with him, she seemed to follow my uncle's money which, ironically, mostly came from me.

I hesitated to get into a relationship due to that, but I did try. I got a second girlfriend, but we broke up not too long later. She was ashamed of me and my family, my uncle. She often harassed her, she also said that I wasn't suitable for a relationship.

The time I couldn't get out her my uncle's abuse was so long that it felt like forever.

He died not long after that due to his overconsumption of alcohol and cigarettes.

I was alone again but I wasn't sad with this one.

I moved to a more decent apartment and spent time there for 2 years.

I was struggling to make ends meet, and working overtime was normal. I rarely have a good sleep.

The days were harsh, but I kept telling myself it would be okay so you had to try your best.
I sincerely wished that miser wouldn't fall upon me again.

Betrayed by my hope, I was diagnosed with an incurable disease and was told to be prepared when the time came.

I couldn't know how I felt back then, neither can't I now.

Feeling the world was falling down, I was in depression for several days. I was terribly scolded by my boss when I could come to work.

"There can't be any worse"

I continued my days with that thought in my mind, keeping myself staying as positive as possible.

Living with an abusive uncle, being ntr-ed by my own relative, having a couldn't-be-memorable high school life, struggling with work, stress accumulating, earning myself an incurable disease

That was what I summarized about my past.

The clock was now at 11:50. A new day was approaching.

August 8th was my birthday, and it marked the 20 years I exist in this life. I'm not sure I should be grateful.

The table lamp blinked a few times, the clock stroked midnight. It is officially my birthday.

My consciousness started to fade away, my eyes didn't see any light, the chair I was sitting in a moment ago fell down.

I died right on my birthday.

(*This is not the protagonist's POV)
His life has ended.

The table lamp blinks a few times before turning dark.

The piles of books and light novels collapse to the floor.

The pen he was holding falls beside the diary.

There were lines on the final page of the diary:

"If I die, will I be reincarnated to another world, or to a new me in this world or to live another person's life? The third one isn't good, since that person has to die, which I never wish for".

I, Toshi Kieru, 20 years old from today.