Premonition (1)

Hello, William.

“Oh, you again.”

You look pale.

Will looked at himself.

And weak.

“I’m tired. I want to go home,” he said with a low voice.

Home? Where is your home?

“My home?” he asked, “I can’t remember. Not only my home, I can’t remember anything.”

Do you remember who you are?

“I am…” he paused, “I don’t know who I am.”

Then how can you return?

“I don’t know.”

Do you know where you are now?

He looked around. He was surrounded by complete darkness as before. He could only see himself.

“I’m nowhere.”

That is right, the voice said, and I do-

“And you do not exist. Yes, I know. You’ve said that before.”

You are lost, William.

“I don’t need to hear that from you.”

But I am here to guide you.

“I don’t need directions. I’m fine on my own.”

Yes, for now. But as time will go by, you will find yourself more lost than ever. People who get lost, they all end up in the same place. A place where only a few can come back from. Do you wish to be one of those people, William?

“What nonsense are you talking about?”

To you, the incomprehensible may simply be ‘nonsense’, the voice replied, but as you venture into the realm of possibilities, aim to embrace with an open mind, rendering nothing nonsensical to you.

“I don’t understand.”

Perhaps it is too early for you.

“Wha-”

We shall meet again, the voice cut in the middle, very soon.

…

When Will opened his eyes, he found himself being tapped on the head by Arnold.

“Oh, you woke up?” Arnold looked surprised. But there was no way of knowing whether he was faking it or not, “Didn’t know it would work though.”

Will found himself thirsty. He didn’t know how many days he had been there. He lost count of the days by then. He found himself tied up on the floor. Little by little, he began to regain his memories. As a result, he became furious.

“Let me go!” He struggled to move his body. The pain from the constant torture made his body shiver.

“Easy, kid,” Arnold said, “You wouldn’t wanna hurt yourself more than you’re right now.”

“Let me go.”

“Tch,” Arnold showed his fake sympathy, “Look how he tortured my boy.”

Bending his knees, Arnold sat in front of Will, “I told Luis to go easy on you though.”

“...”

“I don’t want you to die,” he smiled, “Not yet.”

He took out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. He slowly unfolded it and looked at it. Will knew what it was as soon as he saw it.

“Did you know?” Arnold asked.

No response from Will. He kept his eyes on the floor.

“I bet you want to know the actual truth behind all these, ah?” he asked, “It would be a shame to die here without knowing the reason.”

Arnold folded the paper and put it in Will’s pocket.

“Why are you doing this?” Will asked without looking at Arnold.

“Hm?”

“What do you think you’ll gain from it? Beating me to the death, torturing me. Even if you make me tell you the location, then what? You’ll go there and then what? Kill them all? And then what? For what reason? What reasons do you have to do any of these?”

“Wo wo, easy there, cowboy,” Arnold laughed, “You’ll choke on your words.”

“...”

“Let’s not answer your question yet. But you’ll get it pretty soon.”

“You’re fucking insane.”

“Well, that I’m aware of,” he laughed again.

Arnold looked at Will for a few seconds without saying anything. He let out a deep sigh, “You know, kid,” he sat beside Will, leaning against the wall, “You’re here, struggling, enduring the pain, for what?”

“...”

“Your family, do you think they actually cared much when you left, ah?”

“....”

“I bet they didn’t mourn at all. Your sister, what was her name?”

Will tried to shake his weak body in anger when Arnold asked about her. But he appeared harmless, resembling more of a sorrowful person.

“Ethan told me everything.” he continued with a pause, “She’s dead, isn’t she?”

“...”

Arnold patted Will’s shoulder, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Don’t touch me.”

“Your family and your people must have been too busy to have your dead sister around their mind all the time. I’m sure there wasn’t much room for you. Your daddy, what about him? He must’ve been so shocked about your sister’s death that he forgot all about you,” Arnold patted Will’s pant’s pocket where he had put the piece of paper, “Afterall, she seemed to be more important than you.”

“...”

“Not only him, I bet all of your people think the same. What do you say, ay? You’re hear, getting your balls busted nonstop and what about them? They are living peacefully. You're enduring so much for what? For nothing.”

“...”

“You’re struggling. But this struggle of yours, is anyone here to witness it?”

“...”

“Think about it, you went to school, ay? You’ve studied history and shit. So many people contributed and sacrificed so much to make a better world. But how much do you appreciate it? Taking things for granted is a common habit for us humans.”

“...”

“Unseen, unvalued,” Arnold continued, “Look at you, nothing but skin and bone. Your people don’t even know what kind of state you’re in. You think they worry about you all the time? Nah. You pop up in their mind from time to time and that’s it.”

“...”

“They’ll cry and mourn for a few days then everything will go back to as it is. This is how it has been.”

“...”

“People forget pain very easily,” Arnold stood up, “Don’t be a hero, Willy boy. Because you’re not one. You’ll just end up dead. And life will still go on for the rest of your people.”

Arnold approached the door and opened it.

“You’re right,” Will said with his trembling voice, “I’m no hero. And I don’t need to be one. This mere life of mine, it has no value anyway. Who are you without your people? If I get to keep my life with the cost of my people’s, then I don’t want that. Kill me if you want. But you’re getting nothing out of me.”

Arnold smirked, “We’ll see about that, eh Willy boy?”

…

Olivia opened the door when she heard someone was knocking.

“Just wanted to see if you needed anything,” Emma showed her concern, “Are you feeling okay now?”

“Yeah, somewhat. Come in if you want,” Olivia moved aside from the door and sat on her bed. Though it had been a few days, she still looked pale.

Emma entered the room and looked through the window, “Look at all this snow. I wonder when it’ll end.”

“This year has been rough.”

“Huh, tell me about it,” Emma leaned against the wall with her arms crossed.

Olivia rubbed her hands to warm them. The ropes left scars on her wrists. Even though she wanted to forget all that happened, seeing them repeatedly reminded her of the things she went through.

“That thing you and Nolan did,” Olivia said, “I still can’t believe how you two pulled it off.”

“It was all Nolan. I only did as he told me to do.”

“It was risky though.”

“I know. That’s what I told him too.”

“Well, if not for that, I may have been dead by now.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Sooner or later, it was supposed to happen.”

Emma remained silent. She knew Olivia was right. Not only her, everyone would have shared the same fate.

“But it wasn’t Nolan who saved us in the end,” Olivia said, “It was Ryan.”

Emma smiled, “Yeah, you’re right. Credit goes to both of them.”

Olivia sighed, “I’m tired.”

“Oh, take some rest then. I’ll leave.”

Olivia laughed a bit, “No, not that kind of tired.”

“Hm?”

“I’m tired of all these,” she said while looking outside through the window, “How long have we been running?”

Emma let out a deep breath, “I don’t know. It feels like ages.”

“Ever since Rust fell down. Nothing but disaster followed us. I don’t know how much longer we can manage to survive.”

“Stop with this gloomy talk, we’ve survived so far, haven’t we? We’ll just keep doing what we’ve been doing.”

“Yeah, I know, I know. It’s just, after all that happened recently, I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Well, don’t.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Olivia mocked her.

“And besides,” Emma said, “Someday, we all have to die anyway. So enjoy your life while you can. Because once you’re dead, you can’t anymore.”

“Wait, let me write it down,” Olivia pulled out a paper and a pen from the table’s drawer beside her.

“What are you writing?”

“Top 10 quotes of all time,” Olivia mumbled as she wrote the headline.

“Stop it!” Emma pulled the paper and threw it away.

Olivia laughed, “Why? You didn’t say anything wrong.”

“Yeah, yeah, right.”

The mood lightened up a bit. Olivia missed it. Even in Rust, though their lives were always in danger one or the other way, they managed to lead a “normal” life. Before Nolan took in Olivia, she was roaming around in towns. After her father's death, her aunt began to take care of her. She was old. Her husband died from an accident not long after their marriage. She never got married again for whatever reasons. She never got to have kids either. She used to visit Olivia and her father from time to time. But even that was very rare. Olivia never got to make a bond with her and she didn't really want to anyway. Her attitude and gestures always rubbed Olivia the wrong way. But she didn't have much choice but to live with her after her father's death. When the apocalypse began, Olivia was working as a waiter in a restaurant. It was a part time job she managed to get that matched her schedule for school.

She never knew what happened to her aunt after the apocalypse. She was out of town on vacation with her former co-workers. She offered Olivia to go with her but Olivia refused. And then it all happened.

Ever since she was a child, she was very fond of her father. After all, he was her only friend. Olivia had a hard time making friends in kindergarten. Even in elementary school, she failed to interact with her classmates because of her rough behavior and unfriendly attitude. But despite all that, she never felt alone, not for a single moment. But it all went down after her father died from cancer when she was in 9th grade. The incident left her heartbroken and she became insecure of herself. Even after all those crises, one thing that still kept her going was the horse that her father gifted her; Buck. If not for him, she would have lost herself by then.

Before ending up in Rust, Olivia somehow managed to survive on her own, but barely. She finally realized how hard it was to live alone. Even though she met many people on her way, most of them were ill minded. She often found herself in danger around them. Once again, she was all alone. As living in cities and towns became very risky, Olivia decided to head towards forests. That was where she met Nolan. Rust was a heaven built on earth, at least for her. Although she had a hard time getting used to so many people, surviving all by herself for almost half a year made her realize the importance of having friends and families.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Olivia was lost in her thoughts, “I miss this.”

“What?”

Olivia couldn't bring herself to say what she meant, “Um, never mind.”

“You're acting weird.”

“Is that Arthur?” Olivia asked as she noticed someone under the big tree ahead.

“That’s him.”

“He’s almost never inside, is he?”

…

Arthur sneezed twice in a row. He wiped his nose on the sweater.

Shit, I think I’ve got a cold.

Because Rust fell so unexpectedly, they didn’t get time to bring their necessities with them; warm clothes were among them. Down the road, they did manage to get their hands on some of them from abandoned houses. Surely they didn’t come with perfect sizes. Past few days had been rough for them. Arthur often thought to himself if he was responsible for it. If he just had listened to Nolan and carried on with the plan, they still would have Rust, his mother still would have been alive. In that sense, it was him who actually killed his mother.

Arthur slapped himself, for fuck’s sake, stop! What’s done is done. You can’t undo it. So stop with this guilt feeling or whatever that you’re having!

But it was not as easy as it seemed. Guilt is an emotion that can deeply wound a person. It has the power to push someone to become a better individual, offering a chance to atone for his mistakes. Conversely, it can also drag him down. But the choice of which path to take lies entirely in his hands.

What have I become? So weak and pathetic, he thought to himself, I miss you, mom, dad. If you come back, I swear I’ll be a better son.

“Mister, what are you doing here all alone by yourself?”

Arthur looked up. The little girl was standing right in front of him. He couldn’t recall her name.

“Leave me alone, kid.”

“You’ll get a cold.”

“I already have a cold.”

“Come inside.”

“I told you to leave me alone, didn’t I?”

Himari didn’t feel intimidated by him. She kept asking him questions, “Say, why are you always outside? It’s not safe outside, you know.”

“You little shit,” Arthur mumbled, “What about you? Huh? What are you doing here then?”

She smiled like she got caught doing something naughty.

“What’s your name, kid?”

“Himari,” she replied, “Himari Takanashi.”

“That’s such a weird ass name,” he commented, “Himari Takanashi.”

She let out a laughter, “You sound funny.”

“I sound just fine. It’s your name that is funny.”

“What’s your name, mister?”

“You don’t know my name?” Arthur seemed surprised, “How long have you been with us?”

She shrugged.

“Well, I forgot your name. So, I guess it’s fair,” he mumbled, “I’m Arthur.”

“Arthur?”

“That’s right.”

“Funny name.”

“It’s not funny. It’s a cool name.”

“It is funny.”

“Wait, why are you even here?” he asked, “You should get inside. It’s not safe out here.”

Just then, Lucas came running out of the house. He looked around as if he was searching for something. Then he saw Himari under the tree ahead.

“Himari! What are you doing here? Didn’t I tell you not to go outside?” he approached them.

“But I was talking to Arthur.”

“O-oh,” Lucas couldn’t say anything back. He was sort of afraid of him, “But it’s not safe here. L-let’s go inside.”

Arthur got up and started walking away.

“Where are you going, Arthur?” Himari asked.

“None of your business, kid,” he looked at Lucas, “Get her back inside before I smack both of you.”

“Y-yes,” he grabbed Himar’s wrist, “let’s go.”

Arthur kept walking away without looking behind. He was freezing. But he felt more comfortable there than inside with the rest of them. People can endure physical discomfort, it is the unshakable torment of inner suffering that proves truly unbearable.

___