Half-Way Honeybuns

Well shit. Today starts my job for this Emperor. Let me tell you about this guy here. See apparently Yang and him went to a school of arts or some shit and were friends. However Yang has a worser upcoming then the Emperor and wanted a piece of the pie. The Emperor basically said when he made it to the position of Grand King he would share his wealth. I'm sure you can guess what fucking happened since Yang has the largest clan in the country. They both sure are successful motherfuckers, but damn did they take different routes to do it. I ain't mad at either, but who am I kidding.

You got your little fill on lore there ya see. A large appetite you got. Ole big back ass. I know you enjoyed all of that too. I promise if the author ever makes me ramble like that again I'll slap the shit out of that dusty ass cotton ball afro. 

So anyways every night I had a new set of tasks in my room. Each night there was a target to drop on and kill. Some of the Emperor's most deadly threats. And I did the job well. Life was going great. Until this motherfucker gets a phone call. 

"Hello, Emperor's line speaking!" 

A menacial ass voice gets on the speaker, "Bring me Sudo. Midnight. No one else."

The line abruptly hangs up. Who in the dog fuck was that?

"Who in the dog fuck was that?" the Emperor said at the top of his damn lungs.

I come downstairs after eating a nice bowl of ramen? "What you screaming about down here, you sound like Loki from Ragnarok. ARRGGHHHGG headass."

"It seems that someone wants you at midnight and I'm supposed to bring you to them. A d you need to stop that um.....roasting? You must have respect for the Emperor who gave you a chance."

Aww shit. Niggas know I love me a fight. If it's ANYTHING I could get for my birthday, it's a good ass fight and a half.

"You right Big E. But shit I wanna squabble, bring me to em then!" I say.

"Getsudo, this is obviously a trap. Even with your skill, someone is looking to ambush you there." Says the Emperor.

Me: "Wait nigga how do YOU know?"

Emperor: "Uhm....I...it's a hunch-"

Me: "Oh hell nah so you tryna set me up!"

Emperor: "No I'm telling you that if you go there's a possibility-"

Me: "And I'm telling you that if you try to betray me I'll whoop yo ass again!"

Emperor: "Listen to me."

Me: "Nah I done heard you enough you tryna set me up"

Emperor: "LISTEN."

Me: "What if they tryna get you instead! Nigga I'll just let them get you then like-"

Emperor: "LISTEN YOU BLACK PIECE OF SHIT! FUCK."

Me: "Oh shit so that's how you feel huh"

OHHHHH shit. More roasting.

Emperor: "No wait. Forgive me. I didn't mean to-"

Me: "Forgive me is what your barber said to you after getting finished stupid ahh boy. You ugly ahh got a four v forehead basketball court cranium up there. And you ugly as shit with that Sleeping Dogs ass mohawk hairdo. You not Johnny Bravo you Johnny Avocado. Looking like Lee from Rush Hour. Shut yo Shang Chi chicken fried rice and egg roll havin' ass up."

His family silently laughs behind him.

Emperor: "You know what. Since you take this so seriously, you can go. But you'll have to go alone. I'm only trying to protect you."

Me: "My own fucking clan turned on me. They killed my fucking mom in front of me. They burned my house down, took my money and fucked over my tuition for my brother Jordan. I ain't been protected by nobody but my damn self, and I don't need anyone to start. I'm fucking out of here, I need some air anyways."

I slam the door on my way out.

I had been feeling betrayed for the longest. It came out right there. Dude wants to protect me when that's long gone. I protect HIM. I protect my FAMILY. When am I gonna be protected? 

It's almost midnight. I'm looking for a scrap since I'm shitty I had to actually let my damn emotions out rather than bottle and roast niggas.  I go to the place where they tell me to meet.

Now usually niggas will say HELLO! and get they ass chopped like salmon. But you read this for a BLACK samurai with no code or honor. Which means I don't have to conform to SHIT. 

So I wait patiently for a time to see this individual....

*You gotta get the attention of them.*

The fuck?

Wait wait wait.

What the fuck do you mean? Do I need to yell for him to come out?

*DUH!*

Hold on this author pissing me off. The fuck?

*Dude you need to get the attention of them so the plot can move. That's not how this works.*

Bitch I'm a black samurai you made me that way. I don't wanna do that shit.

*Well the readers are waiting for it! Shit do something! You can't do everything with common sense Getsudo there has to be a contrast.*

Bitch make one! Ain't you the author!

*FINE.*

The shadowy figure creeps and and stands at a position in the middle.

The voice croaks, "Getsudo?"

Hold the fuck on. This voice sounds familiar. 

"Come out. We need to talk."

I come out and respond.

"Who the fuck are you and why do you want me?"

"Because you still owe me MY HONEY BUN!" the figure launches at me and springs an elbow towards my face.

And you wanna know who it is?

It's the fat fuck Frito.

And he wants to fight.

Over a honey bun.

Fuck this author.

"Frito are you fucking kidding me. Did you not think any of this through" as I catch his elbow.

Frito: "I'm.....still hungry man. It's been months since that fight. I thought that since you were the only one that bought me food I could...you know...get some from you?" 

Sudo: "Man are you fucking serious. You side with the clan that executed my mother and countless other people for the love of bills and you think I'm gonna buy your big round ass some food knowing you with the opps? For someone who eats a lot the blood flow of the food sure as hell don't go to your BRAIN."

Frito: "Listen man, I'm against that stuff I swear. I just want something to EAT. Big Yang hasn't fed me in 5 months." 

Sudo: "I can't tell."

Frito: "Okay very funny haha okay. Listen I know you're upset at me but I've been wanting to tell you something. But you've got to take me to go eat."

This big sum of a bitch actually has me interested on that offer.

Sudo: "Mmm...say Frito. I know a sushi shack not too far from here. If I take you there will you sing?"

Frito : "OH GOD YES!"

Sudo: "Aight big nigga don't get too excited. This is a one time thing. And only because it must've been urgent for you to come to tell me something when all you care about is eating."

His mouth is WATERING like a dog with no....water. Yeah, that one wasn't great.

Frito: "Y-YEAH man! And I thought we would go eat like old times, you know! So uhh...what do you say?"

As reluctantly as possible,

"Fine big guy. But you are NOT the best dressed for that shack. We gotta get you a robe. They don't allow......rags in the store."

Frito: "OH BOY! I'll go...clean up! I promise! You'll never regret this! The info is so good! And maybe just uhh maybe we can be friends again? I know you didn't kill me for a reason! You could've killed me back there easy, peasy! But I swear I won't let you dow-"

Sudo: "AIGHT NIGGA DAMN. C'mon let's go. I don't have a lot of time to be out here."

And so it begins.

And since I didn't say it this chapter...

Fuck. Mary. Poppins.