Chapter 29 A Goblin’s Fear and The First Step to Courage

I swallowed hard, feeling like my chest was going to explode. I couldn’t lie to her. Not to Lyn. She had saved me and called me her friend. But if I told her the truth... what if she turned away from me, or worse, despised me for what I was about to confess?

“I... I wasn’t supposed to be here,” I stammered, my voice quivering with guilt.

“I was sent... I was sent by Master Rakrak... to... to... scout.”

Lyn’s ears twitched, her eyes locking onto mine.

“Scout? For what?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the tears of shame and fear prickling at the corners of my eyes. My voice dropped to a whisper, trembling with the weight of my confession.

“To find information... to see if there are... potential alliances in the forest... to see who lives here, what dangers there are. And... and then I was supposed to go back... back to Master Rakrak... and tell him... or the hatchlings... they’d... they’d suffer...”

Lyn’s playful demeanor melted away completely now, replaced with something colder, something sharper. Her eyes, which had been so warm and full of life, narrowed with an edge I hadn’t seen before.

“Master Rakrak?” she echoed, her tone no longer playful.

I nodded, my body trembling like a leaf in the wind.

“I-I didn’t want to... b-but he made me. If... if I don’t go back... the hatchlings... they’ll be punished. H-he’ll hurt them, Lyn. And I-I can’t let that happen.”

I stared at the ground, feeling like the lowest of the low. I wasn’t just a weak goblin. I was a traitor, a coward, a pawn for someone else’s cruelty. I had been sent here to spy, to gather information that could hurt others. And now, I had to admit that to her, the only person who had ever shown me kindness.

“I... I didn’t mean for this to happen. I... I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I just... I just wanted to keep the hatchlings safe. But now... now I’m stuck. I... I don’t know what to do.”

 My voice cracked, and I buried my face in my hands, too ashamed to look at her.

The silence in the cave was deafening. I didn’t dare look up. I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment, the anger, or worse - the betrayal on her face. My heart pounded in my chest, and I braced myself for the worst.

Would she chase me away? Would she hate me? Or just kill me on the spot?

But then, to my surprise, the silence was broken by a soft, steady sigh.

“Little Green...” Lyn’s voice was still serious, but there was no anger in it, no malice.

I peeked through my fingers, daring to look up at her. Her eyes had softened, but they still held a weight I hadn’t seen before.

“You’re in a tough spot, huh?” 

I nodded, my hands still trembling.

“I... I didn’t want this,” I whispered, “I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to be part of Master Rakrak’s plans. I just... I just want to keep the hatchlings safe.”

“I see,” she said softly.

“You were forced to do so. You didn’t have a choice.”

I nodded frantically, tears welling up in my eyes.

“Y-Yes! Exactly! If I don’t go back, they’ll punish the hatchlings. Master Rakrak... he’s cruel. He... he will do horrible things, Lyn. I can’t let them suffer because of me.”

She was silent for a moment, her eyes searching mine as if trying to figure out the right words to say. Then, finally, she sighed again, this time sounding almost... sympathetic.

“Look, Little Green, I’m not going to pretend to understand everything you’ve been through. I’ve lived a different life, and I don’t know what it’s like to have someone like Rakrak breathing down my neck. But... I do know that you’re not a bad goblin. You didn’t want to be here, you didn’t want to hurt anyone. You just got caught in a bad situation.”

Her words hit me like a gentle breeze, soothing the panic that had been swirling inside me.

“L-Lyn...”

She smiled faintly, though there was still a seriousness in her eyes.

“You’ve got a choice now, Little Green. You can either go back to Rakrak, keep being his pawn, or... you can stand up for what you believe in. Protect the hatchlings, sure, but do it on your terms. Not his.”

My heart fluttered at her words, a mix of hope and fear rising inside me. Could I stand up to Master Rakrak? Could I protect the hatchlings... without being a tool for evil?

“I-I don’t know if I can,” I whispered, my voice shaking.

“I’m just... I’m just a weak goblin.”

Lyn chuckled softly, reaching out to pat my wrinkled head.

“Maybe you are right now,” she said playfully, “but you’ve got more strength in you than you think, Little Green.”

I wanted to believe Lyn. I really did. Her words were like a spark, lighting something small and fragile in the dark corners of my heart. But even with her encouraging me, deep down, I knew the truth. I knew myself better than anyone else. I was a coward. Always had been. A coward who would always fail when it mattered the most. It was just who I was.

My hands trembled as I sat there in the dim cave, my knees pulled up to my chest. I stared at the ground, the weight of my own worthlessness pressing down on me like a boulder. 

"I want to save the hatchlings," I whispered, my voice barely more than a squeak. 

"I want to free my enslaved kin. I want... all of us to live happily. To be away from the pain and torture. To be free..."

The more I spoke, the more my voice trembled. I could feel my eyes burning with unshed tears.

 "But I... I'm just one weak, miserable goblin slave. I can’t even walk straight without tripping over my own clumsy feet."

 I sniffled, wiping my nose on the back of my hand, my words tumbling out faster now, fueled by my self-loathing. 

"How am I supposed to help anyone? How am I supposed to save them? I can't even hold a weapon without getting sick! I... I can’t even stand up to a bug, let alone Master Rakrak or any of the other evil goblins. I... I just..."

I looked up at Lyn, my chest tightening with hopelessness. 

"I can’t do it. I’ll fail. I always fail."

I waited for her to laugh at me, to tell me I was right, that I was just a pitiful little goblin with no hope of ever being anything more. Maybe she would leave, disgusted by my weakness. I’d be left alone in this cave, and then I’d crawl back to Master Rakrak with my tail between my legs, and everything would go back to how it was - me being a pathetic, miserable slave.

But Lyn didn’t laugh.

Instead, she just looked at me with those golden eyes, her face soft. She was quiet for a long moment, her tail flicking back and forth behind her in the way it did when she was deep in thought. I could hear the rain outside the cave, steady drumming against the earth, and the silence between us stretched on like a yawning chasm.

Then, finally, she spoke.

“Y’know, you’re a lot harder on yourself than you need to be, Little Green.”

I blinked, confused. Hard on myself? What did she mean?

 “B-But... I... I’m weak, Lyn. I can’t.”

“Shh.” 

She put a finger to her lips, cutting me off. 

“Let me talk for a second, okay?”

I shut my mouth, my ears drooping a little, waiting for her to continue. She leaned back against the cave wall, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes still fixed on me.

“Do you think I wasn’t scared the first time I had to fight someone bigger than me?” she asked, her voice surprisingly soft.

 “Do you think I just woke up one day knowing how to swing a sword and take down a monster twice my size? I was scared out of my fur the first time I left the village. I thought for sure I’d mess up, trip over my own feet, and get eaten alive by some big scary beast.”

I stared at her, my mouth hanging open. Lyn? Scared?

She must’ve noticed the look on my face because she let out a soft chuckle.

 “Yeah, I know. Hard to imagine, right? But it’s true. My father, Cat Boss, always told me I was too reckless. Said I wasn’t ready to face the dangers of the world. He used to scold me all the time, whack me over the head with his big paw, telling me I was still just a little cat. And he was right of course.”

She smiled, a distant look in her eyes as she thought back on those times. 

“But I didn’t listen. I wanted to prove I was more than just the village troublemaker, more than just the Cat Boss’s daughter. I wanted to show him that I could protect our people, that I could be strong.”

She leaned forward then, her gaze locking onto mine with a fierce intensity.

 “And you can be strong too, Little Green. It doesn’t matter if you trip over your own feet or if you’re scared. Everyone’s scared. Being brave isn’t about not feeling fear. It’s about doing what needs to be done, even when you’re terrified.”

I swallowed hard, my throat tight. 

“B-But I can’t fight, Lyn. I... I’m not like you.”

Lyn let out a snort, her ears flicking in amusement. 

“Who said you have to fight like me? There’s more than one way to protect the people you care about. You don’t have to swing a sword or charge into battle to be brave. Sometimes, just standing up, just refusing to let others suffer, is enough.”

“But I...” I stammered, still overwhelmed by my doubts.

“Look,” she interrupted, her voice firm now, “I know you’ve been through a lot, Little Green. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like, living in those breeding farms, watching your kin suffer. But you’re not alone anymore. You’ve got me. You’ve got the hatchlings waiting for you. And you’ve got something inside you that’s worth fighting for, even if you don’t see it yet.”