Toshiro Okumori is... Confessed to?

 Toshiro Okumori

If Himari Iwasaki was good at anything; it was always making me annoyed. She did a great job today at doing that, as expected. Just one glimpse of her made me want to vomit. I never thought that we’d see each other again, especially with what happened last year.

But of course, nothing ever goes the way I imagine. So in reality, it was only inevitable to run into her again.

And still, I have a burning hatred for her.

The sky didn’t seem so lively anymore and was instead replaced with a bright orange shade of the sunset that almost blinded me. The sidewalk was utterly vacant and serenely quiet, with the only noises being my rapid steps as I ran out of the café.

"Okumori-kun!" Miyake called.

I continued to run and ignored her.

"Okumori-kun! Okumori-kun!" She repeated. The tapping of her feet joined with mine, and her heavy breathing accompanied after.

Stay away from me. Don’t come any closer.

Then, a tight, cold hand seized my shoulder. The hand felt delicate and soft, but its stiff grasp on me made me anxious. I didn’t bother to face who it was, and instead stayed put.

"I'm not going to ask what happened, nor will I even bother. But don't you think yelling at Iwasaki-san was a little overboard?" She said, then continued gasping for air.

I had no answer to Miyake’s question and only lowered my head to face the gray cement floor.

“... I’m sorry. That was rude of me to say. In the end, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have brought you here with me, anyway." She grimly spoke after.

I immediately froze and felt a piercing feeling in my heart after her apology.

“... Hey,” I muttered to her.

“Hm?”

“Did you know all along?” I grumbled. “That I had a deep hatred for her?”

“... I’m sorry… I was just thinking of myself.”

“Don’t make me give pity to your evident selfishness... I could see it from the start.”

I could feel my lip quiver in irritation once I had become quiet, only to speak again.

“Please don’t continue your act of generosity to earn my liking either, because I can see that too. I won’t fall for it, so give up.”

This time, nothing left Miyake’s mouth. She only tightened the grip she had on my shoulder even more instead. It wasn’t a gentle hand anymore that held me, but a rough one. She breathed in deeply and exhaled after.

“What can you really see, Okumori-kun?”

“What?” I slightly brought up my head now.

“Tell me, what can you see? Do you believe that I’m just doing this for the sake of earning your appreciation towards me? Do you think that I’m just demanding your gratitude and politeness, only to never return any of it back?”

Miyake continued and stiffened her clamping grasp on me even more after taking in my soundless attempt of answering.

“I don’t like it when people only desire affection for themselves and are in deep love with their own infatuation. It’s a narcissistic, and arrogant thing to do. It’s a mess that never ends well. Why would I want any of that? Am I that much of a bad person in your eyes?”

Then all of a sudden, she loosened her grip on me. It returned to a fragile, and soft hand once more.

“Is it so hard to have a desire for companionship? That’s what humans were made for, right? To make friends, and bathe in pleasure with that knowledge of shelter from another being? To laugh with, and jest with, so you can forget all about the horrible dilemmas and unforgiving atrociousness in this world?”

Her tone all of a sudden became smooth and hushed.

“Is that so wrong?” She repeated desperately.

"A one-sided relationship isn’t worth fantasizing about." I heatedly grumbled.

I was moderately humiliated with my response. I hated the fact that this was all I could say after everything she had uttered to me. I felt like a little child getting roared at by its parents.

"I'll make it two-sided, then.” She confidently replied.

… You'll only be hurting yourself, idiot.

I jerked my shoulder forward to remove her hand from me and began walking forward in silence. Miyake didn’t seem to follow for a few more seconds and appeared to simply stand in muteness until finally walking and adding onto my footsteps.

And so, we both head home. We didn’t bother to give each other any sort of communication, or even any attention. We even distanced ourselves considerably far, too, and acted like complete strangers to each other on the walk home.

I took one more final glance at Miyake and caught a glimpse of her approaching her house with a rather glum-looking expression planted on her face, until finally facing my door and opening it.

I entered my room and immediately dropped face-first onto my bed and curled up into a ball.

“Leave me alone.” I quietly muttered in irritation.

Who gives a shit about any of that, anyway… Take the hint already, you damn dense animal…

Seriously. What a pain.

Who knew I'd meet that pink-haired freak today? Let alone snap at her. I didn't even feel content about myself for yelling at her, but instead felt irritated. I couldn’t understand if yelling at her after all these years was a big mistake or an achievement. If anything, it just made me feel more miserable.

I can’t talk to her as I used to anymore. I can’t. It’s impossible.

I just wasted my time screaming at her. She’ll just stay stubborn like that until the day she dies.

So go away, Iwasaki. I don’t want to see you. Nor Miyake, nor Kojima, nor anybody else anymore. I don’t want anyone getting involved with me.

I just want to drown in my own self-hatred.

Is that so hard?

I shut my eyes, clutching my pillow tight to my chest with a burning sensation in my heart.

And then, I fall asleep.

The next day

I jolted upwards from my bed, hyperventilating. I scanned the messy, yet dull room, then stared down at my palms. They were sweaty; glistening in the radiant morning sunlight.

"Bad dream?"

I sighed and nodded, only to stop and look over in startlement. Miyake stood, wearing our school uniform, proudly by my doorway.

"You're going to be late, by the way. Hurry up." She complained. “I would’ve left ten minutes ago if I wasn’t waiting for you, you know!”

Why are you even here?!

I heatedly stood up from the bed and instantly stepped forth.

“Oh...” She commented as I stood up.

I stopped and looked down at myself. It appeared that I was only wearing my pants from yesterday. Did I manage to take off my shirt during my sleep? How did I even manage to do that?

I aimed back up to Miyake, who was offering me a difficult grin.

“B-Breakfast is ready, by the way…”

“Shut up…” My crimsoned face blurted out quietly.

"Mhm. Got it.” She agreed.

It wasn’t long until I got ready for school. I put on my school uniform, buttoned up my jacket, and headed downstairs.

"Good morning, Toshiro!" My mom greeted me, leaning on the kitchen counter.

I compelled a smile and nodded. I then approached forwards and cupped my mouth by her ear. “Why did you let her in?” I murmured in a disturbed way.

She replied by crossing her arms in a smug manner, then brought up her left arm and guided her finger at her cheek.

“Hmph. Did you hear her earlier? She wants to go to school with you! Of course, me being the amazing, flawless, and rational mother, accepted her request to do so! It’d be wrong of me to deny such an offer!”

“What?”

She entirely overlooked my evident disarray and continued.

“Come on… Don’t act like you don’t see her as a friend! It’s a chance, Toshiro! A chance!” She cracked on me while whispering.

I changed my sights from my mom to Miyake and observed her. She sat on a chair, rocking her head side to side, and swinging her legs back and forth, innocently chewing on a piece of toast. I felt guilty while watching her, but in slight disbelief, too. I was fully aware of what I said last night, and I hope she is, too.

So I’m a little lost here. Isn’t it supposed to be really awkward? How is she even sitting here in my house without a hint of shame?

I turned back to my mom and shook my head.

“Not happening?!” She cried.

Miyake turned to us and tipped her head a little to the left.

“Hm? Whatsh not happenin’?” She asked, with food still in her mouth.

Where are your manners?

“O-oh! Nothing, Miyake-chan! Nothing to worry about!” My mom confronted her.

We then both encountered each other’s eyes again and relieved a tired moan together.

Of course, Miyake had no intentions of leaving me behind, no matter how much I had wished for her to. She calmly stayed until I had finished my breakfast, and even went as far as to watch me, too. It did nothing but only made me feel awfully self-conscious about myself. After I had finished, we left the house soon after and began walking on the path to school.

“Your mom’s pretty energetic. She’s nothing like you. Did you know that?”

I confirmed her question with a strong nod.

“She’s also rather… Unnerving, too, I should say. Before I had woken you up, she said she had some outfits for me to wear. Something about a really, really lively mother begging you to wear some clothing that you are completely unaware about is a little too much for me…”

I turned to her and noticed that she was shuddering, undoubtedly alarmed and petrified.

“She might make me wear something revealing! I absolutely despise revealing clothes…” She continued to mutter.

Miyake… Revealing clothes… Nope. Can’t see it. A little too extreme for my brain. I assume she hates going to the beach, then?

"Seriously... I'm starting to think that she's a psychopath of some sort! She keeps bragging about my looks, my hair, everything! It's scary!”

While she continued venting her mundane complaints, I put on my earbuds and began listening to some music. I couldn’t endure listening to her anymore, so this was my only resort to freedom for the following fifteen minutes.

Eventually, I assumed Miyake had found out that I had been deliberately ignoring her because she yanked out my left earbud from my ear. I looked over grumpily, meeting her sulking face.

“Hey… You weren’t paying attention to me at all in the slightest, were you?”

I answered by giving her my disinterested eyes.

She sighed, then began itching her neck. "That's one of the things I don't like about you..." She mumbled. She then looked up at me once more.

At least she had admitted that she isn't necessarily fond of me. Straight and to the point, too. Normally, when people are met with words such as this, a feeling of gloominess runs through their spine. However, I was different. Instead of feeling downhearted and saddened about it, I felt rather pleased.

Miyake walked ahead of me and sparked up a new conversation. "So? What was that bad dream of yours? You seemed pretty frightened when I saw you.”

Not putting in any consideration with my response, I blurted it out.

"Tomoka-"

I shut my mouth in an instant after noticing what I had just said.

"... Tomoka?" Miyake questioned. She began walking backward, with her hands still behind her back, carrying her school bag.

“Err… Tomoka Koyanagi.” I confirmed in haste.

“Tomoka Koyonagi-san?!” Miyake sparkled.

Seeing the now scintillating Miyake in front of me, I couldn’t help but feel baffled upon noticing that she had believed my excuse. I gestured a ‘yes’ with my head and even faced away from her to improve the effectiveness of my lie.

Here’s the thing, though. No, I did not have a dream with Tomoka Koyanagi. Hell, I barely even know her. The only reason I’m aware of her presence is that she once coincidentally popped up in one of the search recommendations when I had been looking for rabbit videos from a channel named ‘Koyanagi.’

I definitely wasn’t planning to tell her about the Tomoka I know, nor ever.

Rather, I’d like not to even be reminded of her anymore.

“Were you thinking of something lewd with Koyonagi-san?! She wouldn’t even fathom dating someone like you, Okumori-kun!” She spat.

I’m very well aware of my hideousness, but did you have to go that far?

“You’re in senior high school! She’s in her mid-twenties already! That’s just extremely- extremely immoral!”

I felt a little humiliated after taking in what she indicated.

Oh. So that’s what you meant.

Miyake then stopped and looked down to the floor in consideration.

“She’s a very charming and adorable woman, though, so I don’t necessarily blame you… Still! It’s not right!”

Yeah. Whatever…

On the way to school, she continued rambling on and on about this Tomoka Koyonagi, which I, unfortunately, had the opportunity to listen to. She wouldn’t stop talking about her concerts, her confidence, looks, and even her ‘lovely’ eyes. It was like I was listening to a stalker.

I opened my shoe locker when we finally arrived, while Miyake kept relentlessly chatting. I reached inside to get my shoes, but instead of feeling the leather of shoes grazing against my fingers, I could only feel the texture of paper. Puzzled, I pulled whatever it was out.

It was a pink letter with a heart stamped on it. There was an aroma of roses that protruded out of it, too.

“And the way she dances is so mesmerizing! It’s super cool- A LOVE LETTER?!”

Miyake neared over to me to see the letter, took a second to examine it, then snatched it right from my hand and stepped away.

"Okumori-kun! You have to respond to this girl's feelings properly! Do you know what that means?! That means not acting carelessly or rude! If you do that, you'll make her cry!" She pointed at me while waving the letter in her other hand.

“Take it from someone who deals with these almost daily! If you don't correctly respond to their feelings, you'll be in big trouble!”

What even is the ‘correct’ way of rejecting someone? I’m breaking somebody’s heart here, no matter how politely I say it.

"...Art room... Art room! You have to go to the art room after school!" She declared soon after reviewing the letter.

I sighed.

"Good! I will eavesdrop to see if you either accept or reject her!”

You creep! What the heck? Are you really that invested in this?

I knew I couldn’t argue against her stubborn mind, so I lifted my arms to the air in a yielding way, as if I was saying: Do what you want...

–

Classes were wearisome, as usual. Fortunately, I didn’t manage to converse with Miyake often today, as she was too occupied with the mass amount of kids that had taken a liking to her.

I mean, can you blame them? She’s gregarious, friendly, and communicative. Not to mention, she also has an insanely beautiful charm and looks to go along with it. Every lecherous boy’s dream, pretty much.

Yet, I could only feel as if that they only were captivated by her appearance, and her appearance only. Lovestruck eyes, clutching of the hearts, spoiling the person, all the while none of them has presumably even appropriately chatted with her.

And that’s exactly where the problem lies.

Giving respect and high esteem for a singular person largely because of their looks and nothing else is just a setup for downfall. Because of how people can be so enclosed in one's appearance, they entirely forget that they even have a personality. They see someone and immediately label them as the ‘cute girl.’ In reality, they’re human, too. Not just a sight to look at and lewdly dream about, but a living organism that breathes the same air as you.

And then when they ultimately get soul-crushed, they begin to wonder what went wrong. Chances are, their character isn’t as generous as their looks.

Miyake could be a cold-hearted piece of garbage for all I know.

I could be a cold-hearted piece of garbage for all I know.

I had exited class once school was over, and strolled out of the building while listening to music to block out the noises of the exuberant conversations between the students. But before I could even step out of the school perimeter, I sensed a dangerous presence behind me.

“Okumori-kun!”

I turned around and watched Miyake dash towards me.

"You forgot to go to the art room, remember?" She gripped my shoulders and shook me.

Oh, right. I have to reject someone, don't I? I sighed, nodding.

"Jeez, you should seriously remember these types of things!"

Miyake dragged me back inside the school and began informing me of what to say as if I was some sort of child beginning to learn how to respect its elders.

"I know you can talk, so say something like "I'm sorry, but I can't return your feelings.” if you’re going to reject her! And bow, okay? Understand? That's all you have to do!”

She switched her tone to a deep one while she imitated me, then swapped back to her regular high-pitched tone as soon as she finished. Honestly, I didn't know whether to be offended or not by it.

"If you say something rude, it won't be good for you! Just don't make her cry, okay?! Okay?!” She strictly spoke while leaning close to my face.

What are you, my mom? There was a repulsed look on my face as I looked away from her frown.

While Miyake continued to scold me, there was only one singular thought that lingered in my head.

I’m not someone reliable, and I'm not someone trustworthy. I’m very far from any of that.

I'm not someone who craves relationships. I resent relationships.