2.10 Cérise's Falafelization

But what?

With Mish and Two-Rabbit's pathetic backup, the plan was as follows: to lure the guards towards the bandit camp, have them do the work, rescue Snail, and continue the journey.

That was, of course, in theory.

"Cheery."

In practice, they'd die.

"Eat."

Cérise realized he'd been holding a falafel for so long it'd gotten stuck to his fingers, and thus was no longer palatable. "I'm not hungry," he said, which was true as of five seconds ago.

Two-Rabbit said, "Eat anyway."

"He's right," Akiha opined. "All I see you consume is alcohol."

MIsh's turn: "And that's bad."

So Cerise took a swig from his waterskin out of spite, then ate the falafel. It was sticky. Two-Rabbit had tissues. And issues. He tossed, not gave, Cérise an entire bag of snacks.

And so they advanced, towards the slaughterhouse, snacking in silence.

Until they didn't. "We'll die." Why? Because of Cérise, of all people.

"Nah," said Mish. "Kaz doesn't kill people. He just sells them."

How reassuring. "You don't know that."

"Oh, I do. After all, it was I who took his right eye." She placed her paw above said area. "This time, I won't hold back."

"...right."

"You told me we could do it earlier," said Akiha. "What changed?"

The same thing that had 'changed' between the time he'd seen Kaz and the time he'd regained his composure, post-teleportation. Since there was no reason to say this out loud, Cérise didn't. Best to leave the thinking and feeling to others, although...

...fine, they'd die if he stayed silent.

But.

"Explain," said Two-Rabbit.

Believing. Wanting to believe. Wanting to want to believe. But. "Let's say there's half a dozen guards following us," Cérise failed to explain. "There's two options. If, um." He cleared his throat. "If... it'd be easier if I could show it."

"Use the falafels," said Two-Rabbit. When Cérise failed to respond, Two-Rabbit took matters into his own paws; he took out exactly six falafels, placing them on top of an empty paper bag, with uncanny precision. The other two gawked. By this point, Cérise had begun to accept that they'd die if he did nothing to change the course of things, which was fine and all in theory, but in practice, there was a reason why others thought and felt in his stead.

In theory: 'Follow exactly as I say and there will be no casualties.'

In practice: "So... this one is the leader. Wait, no. Let's say this one is the guards. This one... Kaz. These two are Kaz's henchmen. This one is Snail. And this one is us. This is what happens."

Akiha squinted at Cérise's falafelization of future events. He pointed at one falafel (Kaz), then the other (Snail). "Then, he... keeps Snail? And the henchmen attack us and the guards?"

"Yes."

"What's the other option?"

Cérise reassembled the falafels.

Akiha's interpretation was a follows: "Everyone kills each other?"

"No." He reassembled them.

"Oh. Wait, who are those three and why is one of them alone?"

Cérise reassembled them again.

Mish giggled, then choked it back. Why? Because the falafels were together and she had the sense of humor of a teenager. Bored, or annoyed, or hungry, Two-Rabbit took a falafel and ate it. Akiha looked like how Cérise felt.

As if the situation wasn't infuriating enough, Mish took out two more falafels, placing them on top of Cérise's diagram without permission. "To replace the one Two-Rabbit ate," she informed, "And the other one's me."

"No," said Two-Rabbit.

Akiha ran a hand down his face. Akiha ran two hands down his face. He kept them there.

If only Luke were—

No.

—here.

Fine. If not for them or the suicidally naive guards, then... for Snail? Though Kaz wouldn't hurt her. He hadn't seen her when the rest of the Wraiths were killed. He'd probably try to recruit her, and she'd humor him, since she wasn't stupid... or that's what Cérise would've thought, had she not fallen prey to panic, too, which was how they'd gotten into this mess in the first place. Then again, wasn't the savage southerner and his minions there, too? The guard... whathisname... had been fighting along them. If only he could get them to cooperate...

Cérise took the not Mish falafel, saying, "There's a group of foreigners I forgot to talk about before. They also got tricked by Kaz, I think. The problem is that Mish and I fought them earlier, so I don't think getting them to cooperate will be easy."

"Why are you using me?" Mish whined. "Just take another one. Why not just take another one?"

She was ignored. "One of you two would have to convince them," continued Cérise. "Maybe you, Akiha. You can pretend to be a confused tourist, and then—" Mish took another falafel out of the paper bag, probably to symbolize her, so Cérise snatched it and fed it to Two-Rabbit. "—pretend you don't know the rest of us. The leader... hm... no. The leader and the other three could have a chance against Kaz. You can use spells from a distance. The rest of us and the guards can deal with the henchmen."

Slowly, Akiha's hands slid down, so that they only covered his mouth now. "You want me to mediate with... the other prisoners, right? I presume they're the ones Two-Rabbit mentioned before. Along with the guards, that'd even the numbers against the bandits. That sounds more plausible, although if Kaz is so strong that it'll take five of us to defeat him, then—"

"Not defeat him," said Cérise. "Distract him."

"...oh, shit. Well, then... distract him. And you can't join the foreigners because you fought with them earlier. What if you distract Kaz?"

"No."

"Why not?"

'I don't want to.'

'Why?'

"None of your business."

"Oh, Shereez, come on."

"The guy might recognize him," said Two-Rabbit.

True and untrue. Since it wasn't a lie, technically, Cérise nodded. "Yes." And he was redundant, too. "That."

And Akiha obviously didn't believe him. "Ah. I see."

"Y-yes. Yes. So do that. Mish, can you boost others' attributes or just your own?"

"Uhh..." Her ears flattened.

"Can you try?"

"Maybe? But I've never done it before, so I'm not sure what could happen."

"Try it on me." Since they stared at him as though he'd gone mad (again), Cérise added: "You boosting Akiha and yourself is the only way for this thing to succeed. Two-Rabbit can't fight, obviously. Just do it. Hurry up."

"Okay—okay. But there's no space here to dance."

"Then don't do that shit."

"She has to," said Akiha. "It's 'chanting', remember?"

Like Akiha's 'sandstorm' from earlier. The southerner brute hadn't chanted, which had led to his blizzard being weaker than it would've been otherwise. Cérise had literally never chanted after graduation and he'd done just fine, but he had to remember that these people sucked. "Fine. Do it once we arrive."

"So now," informed Two-Rabbit.

They were there, at the oasis. Almost. Not only did the driver immediately cast an illusion spell around the carriage, but he also asked no questions, instead limiting himself to proclaiming: "It'll be twenty zuli for every half hour I wait."

Asking for several times the price meant this wouldn't be the first or last time he lent himself to such a dangerous job. So be it, then. Two-Rabbit rolled out first, then Mish, then Akiha, who'd gone pale (even for his standards) again. Cérise was the last. Despite himself, his heart pounded. Despite the weather, his fingers were cold. "Do it now," he told Mish.

"Here goes nothing." Again, she twirled, though this time the stupid dance took longer, and she aimed both daggers at Cérise. She watched. The other two watched. Even the lizards watched. "...so?"

"So?" Cérise asked.

"Do you feel any different?"

"Did it work or not?"

"I—I don't know? Can you try lifting Two-Rabbit?"

Cérise expected a 'no', but Two-Rabbit raised his arms. More touching. Cérise did a good job of not reacting this time. "Not a good idea. If it doesn't work, I'll break something. Let me try..." He held out a hand. Two-Rabbit took it. With how much stronger beastmen were than humans, it'd be impossible to even budge his arm, and they both knew it, which was why Two-Rabbit held his paw while Cérise applied a moderate amount of strength to the grip, only to toss the poor furball a good five meters away from them.

Before they could panic, Two-Rabbit came rolling back. (Literally.) He puffed his fur upon standing up, sending dust and fur everywhere. "It worked," he noted. "Stay away from Cheery."

"Sorry," not Cheery mumbled.

Mish was too stunned for speech; if only she could be stunned more often. When Akiha clapped her shoulder, she jumped, though he didn't seem to notice. "You did it, Mish! I knew it!"

"Uh. Um. Knew what?"

"That you could do it! We all can do it! Come on, my turn. I'm not good with your specialty, but I'll help where I can."

Cérise felt like he'd snap his spine if he moved too hastily. Some Wraiths had been boosters, too, but not... this much. No wonder she slammed herself into walls when she enhanced her speed. Should he say this? Yes? No? They looked so happy...

Too late. She danced. Two-Rabbit refused to be tossed again, but he took out a bag of falafels double his size from his satchel, which Akiha easily carried, and which was then shoved back in place. Lost to post-despair euphoria, he almost clapped Mish's shoulder again, but she dodged it, since she probably valued her arm. "Oh. Right. Pardon me."

"I'll be fine," said Two-Rabbit. "Please stay away from me."

"Will do," replied Cérise.

Finally, Mish danced for herself. She wasn't too stupid if she realized that boosting anyone's speed could lead to their bodies breaking apart. Having the strength of an ant for a few minutes would do. Cérise held back the urge to re-adjust the bandage on his arm because he'd tear it. The bandage. And his arm. This was a poor idea. "All set!" Said Akiha, who, despite himself, clearly held back at as well. "With another illusion spell, we'll be fine until we get close. What then, Shereez?"

"What I said before."

"...so we go our separate ways. What should I say to convince them to join us?"

"Just look distressed."

"And me?" Asked Mish. "And me?"

"Stay with Two-Rabbit and do your stupid dance thing every few minutes. I can handle the rest."

"And the guards?"

"Eh."

It shouldn't take long for them to arrive, see the mess, and either leave for reinforcements, or naively try to fight, depending on how experienced they were. If the former were to be true, it'd take half an hour for the battalion to show up. If the latter were to be true, they'd be nuisances, distractions at best.

Honestly, with how freakishly strong Mish's spell was, the biggest threat was Cérise, both to himself and others. Even walking felt threatening. Based on the awkward way Akiha followed him as they passed by the oasis's first yurt, he shared the sentiment.

Even then, what he'd said before held true—that they'd have to distract Kaz. To defeat him was impossible. He hadn't attained the second-highest rank of the Wraiths for nothing.

The guards showed up. They didn't get off the cart. At such a distance, they, too, heard metal clashing, fire and lightning cracking. "Let's see what they do," Cérise told the rest. "I think they're going to go b... oh, great. Never mind."

The guards hopped off their carriage, all six of them.

Nuisances. Distractions at best. They hadn't even used an illusion spell for themselves.

"...well, now we have to protect them, too. Akiha, go. Keep the spell to yourself. The rest of us will get the guards' attention, so they'll follow us."

"Got it." Akiha waddled off. At this point, Kaz's henchmen had almost certainly noticed them, thanks to those dumbass guards, but they hadn't made a move, which meant that Snail was bait to draw them back, reinforcements included.

Their plan? To capture and sell everyone.

If only Luke were—

No.

—here.

By the time Cérise remembered he hadn't told Akiha what to do with Snail, the kid had waddled into the distance.

"Let's move."

Two-Rabbit and Mish followed Cérise, with the guards trailing close behind, and the bandits watching.

How many...?

Fourteen. 

Fourteen henchmen. 

Six guards.

Four fools.

Four fools, but useless.

...wait, no, wasn't it thirteen henchmen and Kaz? Unless...

...great, and this was why Cérise preferred following plans to making them.

"There's three of them on that yurt," Two-Rabbit said. "Ambush."

Cérise reached for the hilt of the knife, not the sword. The latter would give his identity away.

"They're moving."

"Yes."

"Towards the guards."

"Ye—what? Oh, f—" Cérise had to skid back to slash the arrow in half before it hit one of the guards, who squealed, which left Two-Rabbit and Mish wide open for the other two bandits to strike. While the former turned into a furball again, the latter drew her daggers, only to fail to slash an arrow. 

Moments later, she tumbled onto the sand, paralyzed by the poison on its tip. 

Another arrow. Cérise moved forward this time, leaving the guards alone, which, of course, led to not two, but three bandits to burst from the yurt, and towards them. A silent, fourth archer grinned from above its roof. 

If only Luke... but no. Even if he were here, he wouldn't help. He was the reason why this happened in the first place.