4.2 Admission Of Madness

The Theory Of Nothing was less of an annoying read than Akiha would've thought, and the hand drawn drawings were pretty cute, but what got his attention was a note tucked between pages 68 and 69. Since such an infantile gesture had Haku written all over it, Akiha opened the note.

I think discontent is attaining sentience.

Or maybe it said 'duckling is under arrest'. Haku's calligraphy had always been a point of contention.

I talked to it. It has a voice.

Or maybe it said... literally anything else. Hopefully. Should he tell Hua?

Don't tell Hua.

Akiha would.

I'm telling YOU this because I trust you. You can be smart when you're not trying to be normal.

Akiha should?

It doesn't want to exist. The more discontent grows, the more it despairs. It seems as though I'm the only one who hears it. Hua will know in due time, but its best if you see it first... to confirm if it truly exists, or if I've finally gone mad.

Akiha could. It was the best decision, really. Everyone had kind of collectively agreed that Haku would go to a psych ward sooner than later. What he said made no sense, because he made no sense.

To try to read after that was a futile endeavor. Words blurred into each other like letter soup. Haku was actually sound asleep, for he'd stolen Akiha's own, literally and figuratively, and so it didn't sem too amoral to stare at him instead.

It'd been years since their reunion by this point. Akiha and Haku would never be a thing. He knew by this point. He'd known for long that it didn't even matter anymore. Flowers bloomed, water flowed, and Akiha had been cursed with the worst kind of unrequited love—that which wouldn't leave, wouldn't stay, couldn't be said, and should never be acted upon. And for what? Why this crazy loser, anyway? Akiha fancied him quite a lot, but apparently he wasn't that attractive according to what others said. It could've been the haircut. Or lack thereof.

"Haku."

No answer.

"I'll tell Hua."

No answer.

"Huh. So you are indeed asleep."

Nothing.

"I..."

Akiha balanced himself on the wooden chair's hind legs, back and forth, back and forth, staring at the roof.

"...nothing."

***

Since Akiha seldom left college, he forgot how white the world was. Shiou hadn't always been like this, but allegedly a demon king or some shit had been buried at the exact center of the country, and so strong was his spite and his power that it'd frozen the region (which was how boundaries with other countries had been established in the first place). It'd never gotten less amusing to open a map and see green and yellow everywhere in the continent except or that weird, white spot near the top. Funnier even was the Imim desert which almost seemed to swallow the ice.

He sneezed. "Shut up," Haku told him.

"Apologies." He'd just have to control his autonomous nervous system, no biggie. (Yes biggie.)

They walked.

They walked when the world was white below and black above, and at its coldest. With how dark it was, Akiha couldn't see the snowfall, but he sure could feel it, hear the crunch below their footsteps, the bitter howls of the wind. "Can I—can I just... where are we headed?"

"The lake."

"The—" The lake behind the college was a famous spot for doing things that shouldn't be done in lakes behind colleges. With that said, to do such activities under such weather could've been considered an extreme sport. Knowing Haku, he'd chosen this date precisely for that reason—four days after Akiha had read his admission of madness. "The lake, huh... what a peculiar spot for 'discontent' to manifest."

"Why, Akiha, have you ever been discontented there?"

He blushed. "Fuck off."

And because Akiha was cursed, Haku chose that moment, of all moments, to glance at him from the corners of his eyes. "Sensitive topic, huh?" He stupidly, tactlessly and bitchily noted. "Do you need advice on the matter?"

"Didn't you say to shut up? Then shut up."

"Hmm." Haku intonated that as a question. He looked ahead after that. Akiha sighed, which didn't go unnoticed, but to point it out would be too much even for Haku. "In any case, we're almost there. Let me get into the lake."

"...what."

"Or perhaps that's a poor way to put it. Under? Under the lake. I can do it on my own—often do, in fact—but it's kind of annoying. Surely, with your idiot savant capacity for ice spells, you should be able to split the surface and open a way to its center."

Akiha didn't know what 'savant' was, but the other word held all the context he needed. To counter this would've been easy, but he decided to be the bigger person, not because he was, but because it'd annoy Haku. Would the plan succeed? Only time could tell.

They walked.

They walked a lot, so they ought to be close.

"...Akiha. Say something."

And so the plan had succeeded. "Something," Akiha replied.

"I'm sorry for calling you an idiot savant. It's true, but I can see how such an assertion could hurt your feelings."

"I'm used to it," Akiha said, which was true. "Numb, even. So is Hua."

"I don't hurt her feelings."

Akiha said nothing.

He slammed his face against Haku's back when the latter paused, so strangely and without warning, as he tended to do. As Akiha fell backwards, Haku began, "Do I hurt—oh." So then he helped Akiha back up. Without letting his wrist go, he continued: "Has she specifically told you that I hurt her feelings?"

"...no, she hasn't."

"You hesitated. Is that a lie?"

"It's not."

"Then why did you hesitate?"

"She hasn't literally told me 'Haku is hurting me', but her actions do." He shouldn't be saying this, but Haku made it too easy sometimes. "Haven't you noticed how often she sighs lately?"

This time, it was Haku's turn to stay silent. His face didn't change, which meant the words had reached him. Otherwise, he would've rolled his eyes or dismissed the notion. Moreover, he stared. As in, 'do continue'.

"So... uh. I suppose you're disillusioned, but that's no reason to neglect yourself."

Just as easy as that, Akiha lost him. Haku let him go, shrugged, then kept walking.

So now Akiha spoke to his back. "Whatever's going on lately, you should talk about it to someone. It's not... good. I mean, no, of course it's not, but—"

"I am."

"You are?"

"To 'discontent'. We're here." They were. "Open a path to the center of the lake now."

They couldn't summon a will-o-wisp or it might alert someone, so Akiha had to rely on the lake's faint luminescence to guide him. Like the crystals, it glowed yellow, cyan and magenta in different spots; that happened as a result of so much magic activity nearby. As had the hole in the magical field atop the college. "You say it like it's easy," Akiha mumbled. "Mass, force, viscosity... you expect me to calculate this under such injurious conditions."

"If I can, so can you."

The lake, as it turned out, had a giant air bubble at its center. Akiha parted it open at once, so fast, so forcefully, that his head began to pound. Almost a decade studying magic and he still got headaches after casting strong spells. Knowing this, Haku caught him before he collapsed, then slung Akiha's arm over his shoulders. "Die," Akiha said anyway.

"Now we slide."

"Now—no Haku don't Haku what the fuck this isn't a slider are you NO ARE YOU INSAAAAAAAH!"

Haku shoved him into the makeshift tube Akiha had spawned in the lake. To slide through glowing, still water was surreal, and while he could breathe, and he knew it, his autonomous nervous system did not. (Yes biggie.) It took him landing on what seemed to be a floor made of ice to gasp, rolling to the side just in time to avoid getting flattened by Haku.

Akiha sat up, still gasping for breath. Haku landed on his feet. "Don't close the tunnel," he said, "Or if you do, tell me so I keep it open."

"You're insane. You're insane."

The air bubble was large enough for both of them to stand, walk a bit, take in the eerie surroundings. In the middle of the bubble was a chair. It was wooden, indigo-colored, like the ones at the academy, and the sparse trees surrounding them. It was also dry. It also balanced itself on its hind legs, back and forth, as though someone upon it were staring at the roof. "Say something," Haku told the invisible thing on the chair. However, this was to no avail. "...I knew it. But you see it, right?"

Akiha scrambled up. He used Haku for support. Did he need said support? Probably. "And you say that thing talks to you?"

"Usually. Don't call it a 'thing'."

"You just called it an 'it'. Let's just—oh, shit. Oh, shit. What the fuck?"

"Your cussing is indecorous. If it was thinking of talking, now it certainly won't." Haku then addressed the thing on the chair. "Cut him some slack, if you must. He's not someone who reacts favorably to the unknown."

"T-then why did you bring me here, you fu—idiot?"

Haku said, "I wanted to confirm if 'discontent' is real. Go on, say hi. Either of you. Do confirm each other's existence."

Akiha clung to Haku's arm. The chair moved like a metronome. It wasn't a trick; there was something. Someone. "...is that... a wraith?"

"I don't know," Haku said. "I don't think so. Perhaps?"

"That... 'discontent' is s-something we need to dispel."

"See, that's what I've been telling you all along."

"Then why phrase it so vaguely!? Just say 'hey, Akiha, the lake where everyone fucks is haunted'. Not even to me, just—to anyone. Sheesh, no wonder there's that hole in the sky! That thing is eating most of the magic!"

There was a third voice: "Your friend is very funny."

It came from the chair. It came from above. It came from inside Akiha, and from Haku. "Now you talk," Haku noted, redundantly and nonchalantly. "Yes, he is. He's shaking now, so I guess he can hear you after all. Can you hear it, Akiha? Hello?"

"Let's get out of here," was Akiha's reply.

"You should listen."

"Shut up!" Akiha told the voice.

It laughed. The chair stopped moving. "Come back once you've calmed down. Just the two of you."

"Shut up shut up shut up shut up Haku let's get out of here. Let's—you stupid, you...!"

"I'd like some books next time. It gets lonely, and boring."

"It does," Haku said. "My bad. I forgot."

"Stop talking to it!" Akiha was pulling at Haku's arm now, to no avail. "Let's go, come on!"

"You should've given your friend more details before bringing him here. He won't be of any help tonight." Did it—did it sigh? "It gets soo boring. Just go."

They (just) went. Akiha had never crawled so fast. He didn't even remember it was a tunnel surrounded by water until he was out of the lake, with Haku close behind. The second he emerged, the tunnel cracked and filled with water, as though it'd always been that way.

Akiha hurled a snowball at Haku. Whether it hit him or not didn't matter. "That's it," he snapped. "I'm telling—"

"You won't."

"Oh, you bet I will."

"You won't." Haku's smile wasn't his own, nor were his fingers as he slid his thumb across his throat, as a warning. "Bring me some books tomorrow, all right?"

Akiha stared at him... it.

Moments later, Haku collapsed.