Everything that weighs on my heart (1)

His white strands hung in the air like icicles. When I removed my hand from his face, he had returned to being an angel lost in eternal sleep. His closeness always carried a sense of déjà vu that defied all logic.

Tonight, déjà vu will become reality.

I gradually tilted the torso of my vessel backward. His body became as light as a feather, and past a certain angle, he began to float in the air. More excited than ever, I grabbed the ingredients I needed for my experiment and confidently headed to the living room.

As I entered the cellar, I felt something different in the air. Without a doubt, it was the scent of victory. Excitement coursed through me like an electric current. I didn’t wait for Edwoyn to land on his chair before rereading the necromancy journal at the page I needed. As I studied the runes of the seal I would have to draw, I noticed something moving out of the corner of my eye.

"Pfff, I knew I should have cast an extension spell," I grumbled. "You’re always so restless, it exhausts me just watching you…"

Edwoyn had barely opened his eyes when he made a face straight out of a nightmare. ‘Nightmare’ was the exact definition of what his life had become, and the role I played in it was far from insignificant.

Don’t worry, my dear prince, I’ll make everything right. You’ll have a happy ending, like in fairy tales you like so much.

"What are you doing?! Let me go! Justine! Help!"

He thrashed about in every direction, but magical straps held him firmly in place.

"I’m doing what I spared you for all this time. And for goodness sake, stop yelling: Justine never cared about you anyway."

His tantrum resumed in full force. Hadn’t I been clear?! Unable to read another word in these conditions, I opted for a paralysis spell, "Rigana Corpo–"

"Desafio Ombracé!" he interrupted me.

What?!

My annoyance only grew when he brushed aside the hand I had placed on his shoulder. Breaking a spell while I was in physical contact? It was unimaginable, but with Edwoyn, never say never.

Realizing he hadn’t needed incantation sand, I scrutinized his irises. As long as they didn’t glow with magic, I had nothing to worry about. The experiment couldn’t fail. I had done everything perfectly, and yet a drop of doubt seeped into me.

Never say never.

"What’s going through your head? Do you have a death wish casting a spell like that?! I didn’t lend you my grimoires so you could pull stunts!"

"Says the one about to kill me!" he shot back. "I don’t know what you’re planning, but don’t think I’m going to sit here quietly!"

"Oh yes, you’ll sit quietly and–"

"Arména Refractio!"

Instinctively, I deployed a magical force field before realizing it wasn’t necessary. His spell didn’t worked this time.

"Oops, seems the first time was just a fluke… My turn now, shall I?"

After silencing him with a snap of my fingers, I was free to repeat my paralysis spell. Taking advantage of the situation, I sat on his lap and clung to his neck like a damsel in distress, "I always get what I want, my dear."

The poor little doe couldn’t even blink when I playfully poked a finger into his cheek. Paralysis spells were a terrible torture for the emotional types like Edwoyn. This would serve as a lesson to him, though he didn’t have much time left to live.

Regaining a bit of seriousness, I left my charming prince for the necromancy journal.

"Do not damage the vessel body during its death. Suffocation is best." I read.

This soul transfer seal was a true masterpiece. At first glance, I could see the complexity of the spell, a blend of genius and unparalleled persistence.

Fate had it that his work remained unfinished, but through me, it would finally bear fruit. The reason the necromancer had failed to bring his mother back to life was that he lacked a crucial ingredient. Everything was perfect… except him.

His weak human mind would never have evolved enough to fully resonate with magical energy. It was essential if he wanted to manipulate the essence of a soul! But as for me, I knew no limits. I was the perfect candidate to lead this experiment to success. I had spent my entire life studying, dissecting, and manipulating souls. Let’s just say I was the best in the field.

I closed the little notebook without a second thought. Edwoyn knew exactly what was coming next. I could see in his frozen gaze that he wasn’t ready for it. The truth is, no one is ever ready when it’s time to face Death.

I approached his shirt and slowly unbuttoned it. Each button came undone as if marking the countdown to his fate. With a green pen of magical ink, I traced runes onto his frail stomach skin. When I would speak the incantation, the inscriptions would glow with a green light, and Edwoyn's soul would be expelled from this body for the next ten years. The most challenging part of the operation would be calling upon Big Brother’s soul, whether he was dead or still alive somewhere on the Continent. I would have preferred to track him down, but for now, the longing was unbearable, and this was my only chance to reunite us.

I checked one last time to ensure my drawing perfectly matched the model, then discarded the pen. My ten fingers formed a net that I tightened around his throat. Bent backward, my target resisted with all his miserable strength, desperate for air.

His survival instincts were so tenacious that he managed to twitch despite being paralyzed. The final moments of my victims were always the most delicious.

Having absolute control, the feeling of holding their fate in my hands... that was true power, an indescribable pleasure! I fed on it like a predator feasting on fresh meat. Every gaze that dimmed passed through me before fading into nothingness. In those brief moments, I was no longer empty: I was filled with an unstoppable force.

The prince gave me a violent kick to the stomach. I staggered back despite myself, giving him the precious breaths of oxygen he had fought for. That single leg movement, of unbelievable intensity, had been enough to free him from his lethargy.

This was a very bad sign. I couldn’t afford to lose control at this stage of the process. Immediately, I checked his eyes, and found an electric blue gleam.

Damn. He’s coming. Evil Edwoyn.

“What the hell are you?!” I cursed.

His peculiarities were getting on my nerves. If he kept resisting, I would have no choice but to use my trump card, despite the irreversible damage it would cause.

My secret weapon.

“I’m your only solution, Aurora. When will you set aside your ego and accept the truth?” that male voice resurfaced from my memory.

All this time, I had refused to use it on the prince, though it could have spared me countless headaches. I knew better than to rely on the easy way out—it was far too risky. I really didn’t want to resort to it, especially now that we were so close to the goal.

“You’re completely insane!” Edwoyn spat, breathless. “What do you even want from me?!”

He can still talk?

I watched his every move from a safe distance. In this state, he could inflict serious harm, so there was no way I’d let myself be exposed. If he could still speak, that meant I had a chance to salvage the situation. I had to avoid provoking him further.

The moment he reverted to a wild beast like he had with De Ritella, I’d have no choice but to fight. This place was far from ideal for unleashing our full magical power. If he triggered an explosion of raw magic, the house would be destroyed—and maybe me along with it.

So the top priority was to return him to his normal state. I hoped he’d get distracted by my words because I had nothing else to calm him down.

“I already told you: I’m doing what I spared you for the first time. I just… took too long to figure out the right way.”

“What are you talking about?! You never told me anything! What did I do wrong?”

Good, keep going, focus on my words, and forget everything else.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just that…”

"That what? You’ve taken everything from me, what else is wrong now? I was ready to help you despite everything, because deep down, you had a good intentions and needed an ally to protect the kingdom from prohibited weapons! But I’ve been such a fool… Are you really telling me you spared me just to… kill me?" he smiled nervously. "What’s the point of all these lies, Aurora?"

"There are no lies. You are the ally I need. Let’s just say you need… a few adjustments to meet my standards."

"Excuse-me? Killing me counts as an 'adjustment' to you? With this spell, you’re turning me into your little brainless puppet, is that what this is about?"

Edwoyn lowered his chin to the green runes marking his skin. What should I do? No matter what I said, my answer wasn’t going to please him.

Faced with my silence, he scowled, "So, this was all just an act, and I’m the fool? I couldn’t kill that noble, so now you’re getting rid of me, thinking you’ll find someone else more suited to be your slave? How many times have you pulled this trick? How far down your list am I?"

“…”

Me, a serial brainwasher? What had he imagined? That I discarded people like disposable artifacts? I was nothing like those nobles who arranged death matches, promising marriage contracts with their heirs just because they were bored and couldn’t figure out how to entertain themselves!

You’ve more than proven yourself. I don’t need to look for anyone else, Edwoyn. You’re mine for life. We’re in this together now. Drenched in the same, sticky red.

"You’re…" His breath caught in his throat. He kept his gaze fixed on the ground, as if I were too hideous to look at. "Congratulations, you’ve managed to be even worse than Father! At least Father didn’t sell me false hopes!" The boy let out a bitter, cynical laugh, brimming with deep frustration.

"You were never meant to make it out, Edwoyn. You’ve been dead from the start. I’ve only changed the official time of death."

"You’re exactly like all those criminals you complain to be scum. Hmm, wait, what do you call it again? You call that 'justice'?"

"No, I’m nothing like them," I denied immediately.

"Come on, Aurora, open your eyes: murder is murder, no matter the reason!"

Frustrated by his naivety, I raised my voice, "You’re the one who needs to open your eyes: here, it’s kill or be killed! Who stops the mass murderers, the persecutors, and all those who abuse their power while your royal justice turns a blind eye? Even if I break the law, I do it to make the world better!"

"Those are just excuses to ease your conscience. Truth is you’re only serving your own interests! Just look what you’ve done to me!"

"Excuse me?" I scoffed, hand on my chest. "No noble would’ve shown you the outside world, much less the truth about your family. I gave you a few extra weeks to enjoy what was always denied to you... I’m not the villain here, when will you accept that?"

"You think I enjoyed my time here, being your scapegoat? That all of this makes you some kind of benefactor? What world are you living in, Aurora?!"

"I’ve spent my entire life helping! I have the right to get something in return, for once!"

"All you’ve done is exploit injustice to satisfy your murderous urges, and you still dare to call that ‘generosity’? Admit it, everything you do is because you love to make people suffer! Look at you in a mirror: you’re no more than a damned monster!"

A painful silence followed his outburst. What was left was an irritating void, like a slap to the face.

I had snapped. Our arguments were made of empty words, but sometimes those words could cut a thousand times deeper than a blade to the heart.

For me, there was one word that hurt more than any other: monster. I wasn’t one. I was anything but that. There were monsters everywhere, roaming free. That’s all there was. They were the ones responsible for all our misery. For everything.

No matter the horrors I’d committed since becoming a mercenary, it was nothing compared to those monsters, corrupt to their core. Edwoyn was wrong: I never killed for pleasure. I killed because the filth needed cleaning up. Because someone had to do it, and I was perfect for the job.

Fate had chosen me.

I wanted to make corrupted people understand, to make them suffer a thousand times worse than their victims had. I gave them a taste of what they deserved for spreading chaos, for stealing others’ happiness, for sacrificing innocent lives for their little ambitious projects…

No one was screaming anymore. We were both catching our breath after an abstract but exhausting battle.

Edwoyn’s eyes had inexplicably returned to their original green colour. Now, they were watching, waiting for my next move. It took all my strength to regain my composure.

He made me lose my temper. I was one step away from bashing his skull in with my fists. Was it anger? No, it couldn’t be. I wasn’t able of feeling those filthy emotions… So why did I want to throw him across the room? Why did it itch inside me? Why did I feel this irresistible need to scream and destroy everything in sight?

Is it because it hurts? But pain doesn’t affect me. I have no heart, no weaknesses.

In my calmest voice, I took my time to explain. I could tell him everything that weighed on my heart—he’d take it to the grave in just a few minutes. Why make a big deal out of it?