Crawlindreadeye

It was time to take down that obese bloodsucker. I took the initiative and unleashed a flying kick, yet that bastard dodged by flying around. Ugh, the buzzing sound those wings make is unbearable! I should have grabbed my earplugs. Oh wait, I couldn't because some stupid horny bitch tied me up and threw me in the trunk! Then my equally horny superior shoved me forward, not giving me time to collect my thoughts!

"Say, do we really have to do all this?" Bella sighed.

What the hell is she talking about!? Of course we have to do all this!

"Hon, hon? Want to give up-"

"No, shut it, creep!" Bella snarled as she kicked Mainard out the window.

"Why did you do that? Now he'll get away."

"Aoi-nee, we need to talk. Ever since we started fighting that creep, I felt like we were getting abandoned."

"By Gyselle?"

"No, no! Like, some higher power."

"And that would be?"

"..."

Another one of Bella's pointless rants, ladies and gentlemen.

...

Ugh, Sis isn't getting it at all! We're being abandoned. Like, our existence gets forsaken abandoned. I can sense it, dammit, and I'm very accurate on these things. We've been tossed to the side. What I don't know is by who. Maybe it's the chief, but I feel like it's a higher power.

"Bella, go down and arrest the damn bug you kicked," Aoi glared.

"Well, whatever. It's probably noth- MMPH!?"

I sudden;y found myself being hurled backwards as something white and sticky began wrapping around me. Could it be... SPIDER WEB!?"

...

I could only watch in horror as Bella was mummified in spider web. She must have been right, we're in the worst timeline. For the only one that spins webs like that, is the undead spider skull himself, Crawlindreadeye.

Crawlindreadeye was a large undead spider skeleton pirate. Not sure on that last part, but he's got a pirate beard and hat and talks like a pirate. Pillages, plunders, rifles and loots... murders, kidnaps, and drinks all the rum. Yar har fiddle-dee-dee, that sounds like a pirate's life to me.

...!

Ugh, I referenced pirate songs again. This shit always happens when this bastard shows up.

"Yar harr! It be the Bleu cheese sisters! Aye got me yer mother and father, so come quietly if ye don't want yer sister to die,"Crawlindreadeye sneered as he yanked on his threads.

Two additional figures were hurled up through the window. One was Gyselle, who is NOT my mother. Seriously, she's only a few years older than me. If anything, we'd be mistaken for sisters. And the other blob; Mostique Mainard. NOT my father.

"Yeah you can chuck the fat mosquito out."

"Don't mind if I do then!"

Mainard let out a muffled scream as Crawlindreadeye sunk his teeth into him, injecting spider zombie venom into him. Luckily, that stuff doesn't turn you into a zombie, or at least it sure as hell better not, because the last thing I want is that creep to be undead.

Fortunately, Crawlindreadeye ate him on the spot. Unfortunately, his blood and guts splattered on me.

"Welp, case closed. The culprit's dead. Now if you'll excuse me-"

"ARR! Ye ain't goin anywhere!"

And before I knew it, I was mummified again, this time in icky sticky white web. Crawlindreadeye was full though so that meant we were all safe, but that also meant he'd drag us back to his hideout at the wharf, meaning....

"As we fly, a little shanty bout yours truly."

Fuck.

"Crawlindreadeye! Watch him crawl! Crawlindreadeye crawlin hall! Crawlindreadeye, crawlin long, Crawlindreadeye yar har har! Crawlin along the undersea floor, Crawlindreadeye be a paddelin forth! Lookin for booty and treasures galor. Crawlindreadeye crawls."

"MMPH! NGH MMPH NGH MMPH [UGH! WOULD YOU STOP WITH THE SONG]!?"

"Sorry belu cheese, I webber yer mouth to stop ya from disruptin me songs. OH! That reminds me! I pilage and plunder rifle loot and murder, cuz I be a pirate..."

Oh no.

"Yarr harr fiddle-dee-dee-"

HEY WAIT HE'S JUST SINGING THAT SONG FROM THE INTERNET!"