Unwanted guest at the wedding

Here I was sitting among strangers which makes me stick out like a sore thumb. Many well-wishers glanced over, their unflattering looks making me feel out of place on the church bench.. I took a deep breath and said to myself, “You’re here because Summer wants you here,” but even the reminder failed to calm my nerves.

I forced myself to observe the scene, grasping for anything to distract me. The church was decorated with delicate baby’s breath and forget-me-nots, small and intimate with white silk draped across the altar. People were whispering, wondering when would the event would start. Soft floral scent filled the air and the organ was playing romantic melodies on the background. There were 9 stained glass window on the side of the church which reflected beautiful colors into the church. The bench were starting to be filled up. The priest stood at the middle of the altar indicated that the ceremony was gonna began. 

The entrance of the church open wide and my little girl walk down the aisle scattering white rose petals on the red carpet. I hit record, hands trembling slightly as Summer skipped down the aisle. She looked like a fairy, as if belonging to a world that wasn’t mine anymore. When Desmond followed, sharp and composed in his suit, the weight of years pressed on me.

Other groom men followed after him. Then a man I presume the groom was walking and arrived at the altar. My son stood next to the groom making me realize that he was the best man.  I watched him smile easily at the groom, like an old friend. How much had I missed? I hadn’t seen him become this person, this version of himself that could laugh so easily with strangers. How much had I missed?. Two bridesmaids walked through the red carpet and began to stand in a horizontal line.

Bridesmaids lined up, and finally, Leila walked in, arm in arm with her brother. Her parents weren’t here; they were still angry about her “ruining” their perfect image. But she looked radiant, relief and love shining in her eyes as she held the hand of the man who would be her husband. The priest began the vows, and my son readied the rings. 

When the priest finally announced, “You may kiss the bride,” the groom wrapped his arm around Leila and dipped her, kissing her with a passion that filled the church with warmth. It was unlike my own wedding.

Leila looked much more happier and free. The groom patted my son shoulder which made my son smile so brightly. My little girl was hugging him like she hugged me in the past.  I clutched the edge of the pew, grounding myself as I watched my family glow in a life that seemed beyond me. From afar I could see myself being replace by another man which makes my children and their mother much more happier. 

The reception began at the back of the church, each of them started giving their speech about the bride and grooms love story. I began to understand that Leila marriage to me was force upon her and David was the only one she loved. They connected after our Divorce and now here we are. 

My children began their speech. Desmond began his speech and ended the speech with him being grateful to him for making his mom happy and making him open up. Summer speech was short and sweet. At the end of her speech she called David, as her dad. My whole world shattered. My kids really don't want me. I stopped myself from bawling as my heart began to wreaked. I knew that my family will not need me anymore. I became an extra in my own children life. I would mind if they earth swallow me up whole. Even when I was among people, I felt lonelier then ever.

After the speeches, I approached to give my gift, apologizing softly as I knew I was an unwanted guest. Leila said it was fine, reminding me of how Summer had cried when she thought I wouldn’t come. She’d wanted her father there, and I realized how little we know about the hearts of children. 

I made my way to the car. I started it and began to drive. My mind was blank. My hand moved automatically as I didn't know where I was going. As I drove, the road stretched empty before me, mirroring the hollow ache inside. My family had moved on, piecing together a happiness I couldn’t recognize, and all that was left was to watch it slip away, mile by mile.