Chapter 1:
Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)
“I remember a white hall.”
A disembodied voice spoke. It was a voice that emanated from everywhere at once, like a voice spoken at the back of one’s head.
Roars of a blazing flame rippled around a figure as they walked through a sterile, pale hall devoid of any life. They were the only one present. Hundreds – thousands of doors passed by, but not a single one was occupied.
Droplets of blood trailed behind the man as he held a hand to his chest. There, sticking out from his heart was a pallid lance shaped like a double helix. The forked tongues had reached his heart.
The black military uniform he wore, which was adorned with exalted embroidery and medallions, was not made of regular cloth despite its appearance. It was a cloth that was far sturdier than even tungsten to the point where firearms became all but redundant.
And yet, this lance had penetrated through it like a knife through damp paper, shredding it as it carved its way through to his heart.
“I remember the hand that passed me that sweet confectionery. The sound of the clock as it struck midnight.”
He was dying.
Perhaps he was already dead, and this place existed as his purgatory. It would explain why the clocks here were permanently fixed at midnight; why time ceased to move on. Nothing was certain in this pale world. All he did was move through the halls, reflecting on what led up to this moment.
The man was no more than a denizen of the mega city of a world where the stars only existed in lullabies. Long ago, those stars fell into their world bearing gifts. In other places, they left behind their rubbish and trash – the messy remains of a picnic.
But their trash were humanity’s treasures, and through it, humanity experienced technological revelations. Technological singularities were not made, but were instead, harvested from the corpses of these beings.
No one understood how they worked, only what they did. As a result, humanity became reliant on the Stars, eventually plucking them dry till nothing was left.
And so, one day, humanity collectively wished for a Star. Their aspirations, hopes and dreams – fears, nightmares, uncertainties; it was all condensed into a conceptual, captured Star. It fueled humanity’s need for power. It became everything that they could have wanted.
The little Star bled its heart out for them, creating 12 major miracles that changed the world. These were called the Pillars of the World – or the Advents.
Sinder vividly recalled how few wept for it.
That said –
Humanity existed on fringe cities across endless deserts called the Land of Wanderers. Their world was flattened and its horizons expanded infinitely by the miracles granted by the fallen Stars eons ago.
But this meant that no one could leave the world anymore. The cosmos was no longer accessible to humankind. The endless expanse of space merged with their horizons
Of all the cities of the world, there was but one that stood as the sole bastion of humanity.
Paradisio.
The city that this man destroyed.
“I am Sinder.”
Sinder held fond memories of Earth.
Of a world where stars still existed. Where the cosmos was within reach, and where humankind flourished within unwalled cities. But these memories had become terribly vague over the course of the few hundreds of years they spent living in the city of Paradisio.
Still, they remembered their medical background, and the invitation that brought them into this world away from Earth.
He was a doctor. No… wasn’t it a nurse? Sinder couldn’t recall it properly himself, nor if he had any family, loved ones, possessions…
It had been too long since he cared about that old life.
This was not Sinder’s first life.
Nor was it his second. Not even his fifth, or fiftieth. He had reincarnated several thousands of times, but not in the same way that people from Earth would imagine it.
He wasn’t sent to a bright fantasy world of fox-eared girls.
Neither did he meet a deity who would take pity on his overworked life as one of the most infamous mercenaries of the City who went by the name of the Scarlet Crown.
It was a temporal loop. A hell that caused him to repeat the same event thousands of times, across millions of years, up until the spectacular blaze that consumed the City at the tail end of each loop.
Memories of the previous loops were erased upon beginning the next. It was only at his deathbed that these memories would return to him. But over time those memories would become a part of him through each concurrent life, marring his sense of self with countless past iterations and experiences.
It was only here where he felt like he was just himself.
As Sinder.
This was because the old world that he knew was gone. The final loop had ended, and now, perhaps because time itself had ceased to exist, Sinder was left to roam these hallways for an eternity.
“Hell must be full. Or was it that Paradisio was already our hell? I believe that’s the answer. We had lost what it meant to be human when we realized that humans were necessary to fuel the miracles of the Stars. No one would lament the loss of a million lives if it belonged to those who were not born with some degree of importance. What only mattered was the outcome.”
Sinder’s kindness stemmed from his life as medical professional from Earth.
The uncertain, fleeting memories aided him into becoming a better person. But the nature of the world did not allow Earth’s version of kindness to exist. It had to be twisted to fit the norms of this world.
What was once a hand that gave life had taken countless away, sometimes for menial reasons.
He remembered the book burnings. How people were so afraid of the knowledge of written tales as people transformed into monsters inspired by those tales. If only humanity knew that merely conceiving of a thought was enough to poison the well.
Monsters called the Corrupted were entities born from human nightmares. The stronger the emotional resonance surrounding a concept, event, tale, etc – the more powerful and likely that it would exist as a twisted, malevolent version.
Sinder was not immune to this disease.
Because he too ended up transforming into a beast that brought the end of the world.
The irremovable rod was the proof of his sins and corrosion.
This lance once belonged to an Angel.
“This is my warning to the inhabitants of the new world of Elysia.”
Elysia was the name of the world that replaced his old home. It wasn’t like Earth, but it was at the very least like the fantasy worlds that were often depicted in light-hearted literature. A place where those fox-eared girls did exist, and where deities certainly did too.
Although, the ruins of the past remained here – buried deep beneath the soil in layers with each loop they lived through. Ancient treasures and the corpses of the miracle-granting Stars poisoned the world.
The rot would one day poison the minds of the cognizant once again.
Something already existed in this world that was proof of this.
That was the Nexus.
In fact… he believed that he was perhaps inside of it.
“Emotions and the collective thoughts, nightmares, dreams and aspirations of humanity were a fuel source. It will be the same here. Magic and the outcome of convenience will supersede reason.”
The halls widened. It became infinitely large. The ceiling and the pale floors merged with the horizon, giving off the illusion of a void. His steps and the trail of blood were the only thing that orientated him as he approached a pair of gigantic doors in the distance.
“I was skewered by the lance of an Angel of Gluttony. She, who ate the Forbidden Fruit. This my memoir for the world. Let my recounts of the past be your warning… let my words be what water is to the thirsty, and my experiences be wisdom to those in the dark.”
Sinder left his regards to the new generation. If ancient treasures were buried in this new world beyond that door, then so would his dairy detailing his life. It would serve as a vital warning to them all, so that they could prepare to face their fears and build a better future.
“This is no prophecy, but an inevitability. I hope it will be different in this world. Human suffering… must never become fuel again.”
He slumped before the doors at the end of the pale world. It was so large that not even rearing his head back could see just how high it was. The doors were dyed red with trails of blood that stemmed from the eyes of thousands of etched people. The mural revealed the tragedy he had caused – his ultimate sin – that saw countless perish at the end of his life when he lost his mind and succumbed to the Corruption.
He had become a Star in his final moments and burned everything down to rebuild Paradisio. It was all a vain attempt to rebuild it, so that no one would have to die again. It was flawed, but that was the nature of the Corruption.
“If I were to be reborn again… then I would like to forget this all. Fuel is our memories, after all.”
Sinder reached into a pocket, clasping at a fake diamond brooch with bloodied hands. He moved into a kneeling position. The Lance of Longinus kept him from slipping further. Neither did it allow him to touch the door in earnest, keeping him trapped in this lonely purgatory with nothing but the reminders of his sins.
“Surely, this world will be different. It will be beautiful. Luscious. A world filled with stars in the night sky. I want to experience that kind of world.”
He trembled, but he could not shed a tear. A powerful psychological barrier prevented his emotions from spilling.
“A fantasy world… where it’s not just humans who inhabit it… like a lighthearted type of story I can pick out from a shelf.”
“When this door opens… I hope the ‘me’ I see will be as innocent as the day I came into this world. Remember Earth. Forget the old world.”
“Preserve that innocence. The stars that shone in our eyes… I hope they’ll shine in yours no matter what trial or tribulation comes your way.”
Sinder’s vision began to wane. Darkness settled into the corner of his eyes. The end was near. But he couldn’t be more at peace with the prospect of this new world. He spoke like he was speaking to someone else.
It wasn’t entirely untrue. After all, the memories he had now would fade. Nothing would be left aside from moments of déjà vu. He would be a completely different person from himself…
… and he looked forward to seeing it.
“It will be a world where you will not be judged, blamed or skewered like I have. A world where paradise can no longer be lost.”
He was hopeful of it. A fulfilling smile stretched across his face, his crimson eyes fading in and out to a dark brown as he reached out towards the door.
“You… will be nothing like me.”
But alas, his hand could not reach it. It drooped to his side as he laid limp on the lance. He began to dream of that perfect paradise beyond those doors.
He could only imagine what awaited him once they opened.
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