MarkDonald's in Space

Randy and I stood at the edge of the trash village. Morning had broken and a crowd of garbage people had gathered to see us off on our quest.

Randy turned to the masses, as he grasped his spatula in his hand like a sword and pointed it in the air. "You have nothing to worry about, trash bros. I'll make quick work of that monster."

Everyone began to cheer as Randy struck a pose in front of them.

The captain, who was standing at the front of the crowd spoke, "To reach thy destination, just follow the path ahead past Mount Pipi. Thou shalt know the ruins the moment thou dost behold them." He pulled out a rolled up piece of paper. "I shall bestow this map unto thy squire to hold, in case thou shalt require it."

Apparently, when he said "squire", he was referring to me, since I was the one he gave the map to.

"Before thou embark, Sir Randy, the Trash Lord hath bidden the court jester to perform for thee a song."

A slightly shorter garbage person wearing a pair of tights and a puffy red and blue striped shirt, emerged from the crowd with a lute in hand. Like all the other garage people, he also wore a box on his head and on top of that box was a jester's hat. Since all these people covered their faces with boxes, I couldn't tell if they were human or some species of alien.

The jester began to strum his guitar and gave a bow. "Sir Randy the Hero, I prithee this song doth please thee."

🎵 "Behold, behold, the hero, Randy, hath come.

The sky he descends, the chosen one.

Marching onward, sword in hand.

The beast, he'll slay and free the land.

Behold, behold, the hero, Randy, hath come.

He'll beat the beast just like a drum.

In the ruins, he'll make a stand

The beast, he'll slay and free the land.

Behold, behold, the hero, Randy, hath come.

Sir Randy shall vanquish the evil one.

He'll win the battle, a victory so grand.

The beast, he'll slay and free the land...

The jester went on for twenty more verses. His lute playing was slightly out of tune, as was his singing voice. After finishing, he gave another bow and pranced flamboyantly back into the crowd.

Randy had a tear in his eye. “That had to have been one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard.” After taking a minute to regain his composure, he gave one last fist pump in the air for the crowd before departing.

Reluctantly, I followed behind him. The two of us went down the garbage paved path on foot, toward the mountain of trash bags in the distance, which they referred to as "Mount Pipi".

🍔🍔🍔

"How much farther does that map say, little bro?" Randy Wondered.

After passing Mount Pipi over an hour ago, our destination was still nowhere in sight. I was starting to think that maybe those trash people were just a bunch of schizos and the ruins and monster were just a delusion.

For the first time, I unraveled the map that was given to me earlier. "This is just a bunch of pencil scribbles on a coffee stained piece of construction paper."

"You're probably just reading it wrong. Lemme take a look." He snatched it from my hands and began tilting it at all different angles, as he squinted his eyes. "Hmmm... It should be just up ahead."

"Are we even looking at the same thi-." I paused as I was suddenly taken off guard by what laid in front of us...

The structure was partially buried in trash bags, but there was no mistaking the red roof and sign with the silver arches that formed an "M".

"Woah, Is that a MarkDonald's!?" Randy exclaimed.

"...I think it is." I was dumbfounded, as to why this was here.

MarkDonald's was one of the oldest and largest fast food chains in the galaxy. They were pretty much everywhere, but it didn't make sense why one would be on a planet like this. Judging from its appearance, it was an old school styled one that existed long ago. Modern MarkDonald's moved away from the fun colorful architecture to cold depressing gray boxes, where food was ordered on kiosks and cooked by an automated assembly line.

The building was obviously abandoned, since the outside was faded and covered in trash. Almost all of its windows seemed to either be broken or cracked. At one point this planet must have not always been a dumpster world. It's so old, I bet it wasn't even automated and had real people working it back in the day.

"This thing's got to be at least a few hundred years old." I said.

Randy got a smug grin on his face. "What do old restaurants have in them?"

I huffed unenthusiastically. "Vintage cooking equipment."

He continued to gloat, "And who ended up being right about those coordinates?"

"You were." I mumbled, reluctant to admit I was wrong.

Randy nodded his head, satisfied. "Let's check out the inside!"

Approaching the entrance, Randy yanked on the handle of a glass door, which had a large crack down the center of it. It wasn't locked, so it opened right up.

Astonishingly, everything on the inside seemed relatively intact. It was dark, but I could make out the tables and booths, the order counter, the smiley kids meal toy display, and even a cardboard cutout of their clown mascot, Donald MarkDonald. Standing in here was like going back in time.

Randy excitedly pointed over the counter. "Duck yeah! Check out that set up back there."

The restaurant still had all its kitchen equipment and it all seemed to be in half decent condition. Everything we needed was here, including a grill and fryer. I hated to admit, but Randy somehow managed to find a gold mine worth of stuff here.

"I can't wait to load these bad boys up on the ship." Randy continued.

There was still one thing that was bothering me... "I haven't seen any sign of that monster. Do you think it's even re-?"

I was interrupted by a loud stomping noise that seemed to be coming from outside. The two of us made our way to the nearest window to investigate.

Not believing my eyes, I turned to Randy, "Is that... Grumace?"

Stomping around outside the restaurant, was a large blue blob thing with two goofy looking giant eyes and a large always open mouth that looked like a black abyss. A set of short useless oven mitt-like hands stuck out from its sides. Its robust body sat on top of a set of toeless feet. Whatever this thing was, it had an uncanny appearance to another one of MarkDonald's beloved mascots, Grumace.

"Woah, he's actually real! We should get a picture with him." Randy suggested.

A sudden uneasiness overcame me and I felt as though I was about to burst into tears. "W-we n-need to ge-get out of h-here...NOW!!!" I stammered, as I slowly began to back away from the window.

Randy looked at me, confused, "You alright, little bro?"

"N-no I-I'm n-not." I continued to stutter.

"Wait, are you still afraid of mascots like when we were kids?" It was obvious that he was holding himself back from laughing.

Since I was a child, I had an irrational fear of people in those mascot costumes. For instance, one time when I was seven, Our parents took us to Luck E. Cheez Pizza. Everything was fine and dandy, but then Luck E. was paraded out to greet the children. I don’t know if it was the soulless eyes, his rodent-like appearance, or the cigarette smell that emanated from the suit, but all I knew was that I spazzed out and proceeded to kick Luck E. in the crotch then hide in the jungle gym, terrified for seven hours straight.

"Just chill out, little bro." My brother attempted to calm me down.

Unable to help myself, I reflexively let out a scream that sounded like a teenage girl on a roller coaster. This was fatal mistake, as Grumaces immediately snapped around and began walking toward the MarkDonald's entrance.

"BORGER!" It roared as it crashed through the front doors, shattering them.

"Holy Ship!" I freaked out, as I ducked under a table.

Randy hid beside me and whispered, "Shhh. Don't you worry, little bro. I'm the hero. I’ll do whatever it takes to slay Grumace and end his reign of terror."

Grumace begun to slowly inch his way forward, looking for the source of my scream.

"Wh-what are we supposed to do?" I whispered back, panicked.

"Stick close, if we stay here any longer, he'll find us." Crawling on the floor, Randy made his way back toward the kitchen, careful not to alert Grumace of our presence.

As he ordered, I followed behind him, biting my tongue to keep myself from letting out terrified whimpers. Cautiously, we made it behind the counter. From there, we barricaded ourselves in the industrialized freezer in the kitchen. We were safe from Grumace, but only temporarily.