Chapter 256:

The Phil Ur ark fight

En Passant Grandmaster

On the Phil Ur ark, Okisato opened the game by moving his pawn to e4, while Phil responded by moving his pawn to e5. Okisato then moved his pawn to d4, prompting Phil to capture it with his e-pawn. This was by no means a bad position for Okisato, in fact it was even, but then...

"So you like eating pawns?" Okisato snickered as he moved his pawn to c3.

"Do I ever, the less pieces you have... the better," Phil responded as he captured the pawn at c3 with his d-pawn.

"So care to explain how you got that 2800 rating?" Okisato asked as he moved his bishop to c4.

"YOU... doubt y skill?" Phil glared as he captured the pawn at b2 with his c-pawn.

"Who knows, though you're one of the first 2800-level players, assuming that's your true skill-level, to accept the Danish gambit," Okisato snickered as he captured the pawn at b2 with his bishop.

"Danish... pastries?"

"Uh, never heard of the Danish gambit?"

"NO! Only... Danish pastries. Kringles... I hunger for kringles... MOOKAWAKA!"

Okisato stared in annoyance as a tiki brought Phil a kringle, which Phil promptly devoured on the spot.

"Apologies, but now that I am fed, check," Phil declared as he slammed his bishop down on b4.

Okisato rolled his eyes and moved his knight to c3, resulting in Phil capturing said knight with his bishop and Okisato capturing said bishop with his bishop.

"And now, you have no defense," Phil scoffed as he moved his knight to c6.

Okisato raised an eyebrow as his suspicions about Phil's true skill level reignited once more.

"I've never seen your name in the top player's lists, just saying," Okisato scoffed as he captured the pawn at g7 with his bishop.

"I- ...I do not cheat... This rating was earned... through hard work," Phil glared as he moved his knight to f6.

"By grinding?" Okisato asked as he captured the rook at h8 with his bishop.

"YES! For by beating hundreds upon thousands of players under 300, I have attained a rating of 2800," Phil glares as he moved his pawn to d5.

"Oh, so that's why you lack a title, your true skill level is only 280," Okisato snickered as he captured the pawn at d5 with his e-pawn.

"MY RATING IS LEGIT!" Phil fumed as he captured the pawn at d5 with his queen.

"Sure, maybe you did beat millions of opponents rated under 300, slowly earning a point of elo per win, but your skill never improved, which is likely why the WWCF refuses to award you any titles. Bet Prokrutka's combing through your games as we speak," Okisato snickered as he captured the queen at d5 with his bishop.

"I- I am... skilled," Phil trembled as he moved his bishop to g4.

"Not against me. Check," Okisato declared as he captured the knight at c6 with his bishop.

Phil clicked his tongue and promptly captured said bishop with his b-pawn, allowing Okisato to move his queen to the safety of a4.

"You claim... I have no skill? Well I can... castle," Phil declared as he castled queen's side.

"Wow, that's chess 101. Any beginner that knows about castling can do it," Okisato scoffed as he captured the knight at f6 with his bishop.

And thanks to that, Phil blundered into mate by moving his rook to d4, completely throwing it away and allowing Okisato to capture it with his queen.

"NO! I can't lose! I am Phil Ur, and you are on MY Phil Ur ark!" Phil cried as he moved his bishop to d7.

A malicious grin formed on Okisato's face as he stared at the board. "How about I show you true skill," he snickered as he captured the pawn at a7 with his queen.

"I won't allow it!" Phil cried as he moved his bishop to h3.

"Nah, you just made it all the more possible," Okisato snickered as he captured the bishop at h3 with his knight.

"Even if I fall... my mind and will shall live on!" Phil declared as he moved his king to d7.

"Then I'll make your demise all the more humiliating," Okisato grinned as he moved his knight to f4.

"I fail to see how this is humiliating... You are more skilled," Phil glared as he moved his king to c8.

"Oh, so NOW you admit you're unskilled. Well too bad, you just blundered into a humiliating checkmate," Okisato snickered as he moved his queen to a8, forcing Phil's king to d7. "Now, remember what I said about castling?"

Phil's eyes widended with horror as he realized what was about to happen. "No, there's other ways. OTHER WAYS!"

"But this is MY way. Checkmate, ba-ka!" Okisato snickered as he castled queen's side, winning the game.

Phil died on the spot, though his memories were transferred to the tiki he designated as his successor. Okisato meanwhile, was warped back to the bathroom of the plane, allowing him to do his business.

When he returned to his seat, Mimoko shot him an odd stare. "You were in the bathroom for nearly an hour, are you ok?"

"I just had an encounter of the skibidi kind."

"Um, what?"

"Never mind."

As Okisato sat down, Daria decided to get up and use the restroom. Ginji was still occupying the one nearby, but solely so he could hold a meeting without anyone knowing, forcing Daria to the bathroom Okisato had used.

As soon as she closed the door, a tiki pooped it's head out of the toilet, and attempted to activate the DESPER in it's mouth, however it failed.

"MOOKAWAKA!?"

Daria shot the tiki an unamused glare before exiting the bathroom and dialing Raymond. Within seconds, Raymond warped inside the bathroom and stared down at the tiki.

"So you are the infamous Phil Ur tiki tribe. We'll have a nice chat, over at HQ," Raymond stated as he slammed his cane into the tiki's head and warped away with him.

As he arrived at the WWCF holding facility, an army of tikis also spawned alongside the tiki he had initially brought.

"So you all were latched to the plane then. Well now each and everyone of you will be residing here."

And with that, the WWCF holding facility's inmates increased by 960. All the tikis were rated 100, while Phil Ur himself was given the rating of 280.

"I shall return... I am Phil Ur!" Phil declared aloud.

"Yeah, nice to meet you. Now mind moving?" Sandy grumbled.

The full game:

White: Okisato Tanabe (2700) Black: Phil Ur (2800)

1. e4 e5

2. d4 exd4

3. c3 dxc3

4. Bc4 cxb2

5. Bxb2 Bb4+