Awakening

Do you know when you just instantly become aware of something so incredible that you’ll do everything you can to deny that it is real? No evidence whatsoever compels you to take this special something that’s so fanciful, so improbably beautiful for fact. To anyone else, it’s a blind leap of faith into the realms of sheer madness. But to you: it’s a case of all or nothing, black or white, as subtle as a sledgehammer on your heart. And you just know it. You know it for what it really is – true love.

You’ve made your choice: Your survival is as natural as your sorrow.

…Huh?

Time’s up: Time to breathe.

Pain.

Pain so absolute that everything else was virtually nothing else – nothing at all. A pain, ironically, that had been my only reminder of being alive.

…Man, I coughed so hard, it felt like the depths of my lungs were trying to shoot a brick up and out. Then, after more agonising moments, I felt an intense scraping within as what looked like plastic tubing was expelled from my mouth. I endured more violent hacking and convulsing. Greenish-blue vomit came next, stinging my scratched and scorched throat.

As I gasped for air, ribs aching, the pain subsided somewhat and my foggy mind began to grasp the situation. I was curled into a foetal position. A white foam mattress was under me, clouded Perspex was above me, encasing me. I tried to rub the glassy lid, but it was no use. I couldn’t see out.

What I could see was: my body, only clad in pale plastic-like shorts, with blemish-free and hairless skin. I looked down at my legs, where familiar motorbike accident scars would surely be – but they weren’t there anymore…

Unreal. Then, my arms. Even my freckles were gone from my arms.

Suddenly I became submerged in horror, sucking in air like a drowning man.

I started slamming my seemingly larger-than-usual feet against the capsule lid, then rained muffled thumps on it with my fists. I shouted as loudly as I could:

“– LET ME…”

But the coughing fit retuned and cut me in two. I won’t be stopped.

“– HEYY LET ME OUT OF HEREEE! LET ME OUTTT –”

I saw light beyond my plastic tomb switch on, flooding me in a red hue. A bleeping, insistent alarm was activated.

Fear engulfed me even further; I was a trapped animal with nowhere to run.

Shuddering, I heard a smart click, and then a whirring sound as the red light faded and the glassy covering above me started sliding back. I suddenly felt cool air rush around my skin, and the hum of machinery increase around me.

Three figures were standing together around my periphery, about five or six meters from me. I couldn’t quite make them out initially – everything was still a blur.

A commanding yet friendly male voice spoke. “Hey there. You’re okay, you’re safe. Please. Take your time.” The intense anxiety I had felt subsided somewhat, but still flashed frequently through me like electric pulses. I tried to sit up, failed…and hacked out more aqua gunk.

Another of the figures darted forward with a bowl, positioning it under my mouth as I spewed out some more. “Uhhh…th-thanks…” I spoke in my soft brogue, which sounded somewhat deeper than I was accustomed to. I focused on – her.

My heart skipped a beat as I saw her beautiful deep blue eyes lock with my own. Then it was like we exchanged in a silent language; a moment that seemed longer than it probably was. She said softly, “Don’t talk. It’s okay.”

She put her arms around me and held me, giving me a feeling both comforting and thrilling in equal measure. Contact. I couldn’t help but stare into her kind, angelic face. She gave me a warm, calming smile, like any nurse with a professional bed-side manner would, I insisted to myself.

Don’t let go. Had I said it unwittingly? It was like she heard that, in a strange way – she instantly held me tighter. Her cobalt hair brushed against my face, and I could smell a sweet vanilla blossom scent.

Bringing me to attention, back to reality, the commanding voice spoke again. My eyes could focus better now so I discovered it emanating from a slightly portly and stylishly dressed man in his 40s, with short and spiky greying hair. “My name’s Dr Fisher, I’m the head of Bioscience at this facility. My operational technician here is Bobbi McSorley.” Bobbi came into view, a serious-looking lady in her late 20s, dark hair in a loose ponytail. Dr Fisher continued. “And you are lucky to have Belinda-Blue Zetterström here – she’s been tending to you for some time now. It’s quite the historic day you are witnessing, Blue. He’s woken up, on your first day as an official employee!”

“Yes, I am so fortunate,” she said sweetly, still clinging to me. “It’s a miracle that I’m very grateful for. I’ve brought your heartbeat down now,” she said, disengaging with me, moving back and looking down with just a touch of embarrassment. Ah, so the hug was a nursing technique. Figures.

I forced myself to speak again. “You’re so lucky I threw up psychedelic spew on you, Belinda…Blue?”

“Just Blue will do. The bowl got it. And it’s part of what I signed up for, after all.”

“It’s just some of the fluid you’ve been filled with since the regeneration process was stepped up. Put in simple parlance: you’ve been through hell and back,” Dr Fisher interjected. “But seriously, take your time, your body and emotions have got a lot of adjusting to do. Memories may return in fragments or as complete recollections. We will do our best so as not to overwhelm you while you come to terms with things, but I must warn you: it will be difficult at times, we expect.”

Questions started overloading my mind. “What – what…”

“Proceed carefully. You remember something?”

“I…my body was different – no scars…different…”

“Okay. Anything else to add? You remember your name?”

I barely heard him. Violent shaking broke out in me, tremors building then splitting through me, like I was on a plane coming down, making a sudden landing way too soon.

“AAAAAAAHhhhhh”

I heard alarms starting up again. She moved in swiftly.

“Stabilizing him now, Dr Fisher.” I felt the warm embrace of Blue again, and she was reassuringly stroking my hair. “Pretend you’re at the salon, and I’m washing your hair!” she whispered to me. “Wash, wash, wash your hair…” I couldn’t help but laugh – me at a salon, of all places – and maybe my hair was so dry, perhaps she wanted to do just that! “Ouch, my ribs!”

She smiled again. “Just a pattern interrupt, nothing more. Breathe with me. Nice and easy. Hold it in…let it out…” I locked onto her again, like she was my only hope. My pathway out of this hell.

Just then: my mind realised something it already knew on a deeper level for a fact, and with utter conviction. It stood out because right just then it was the only certainty I recognised at all. I felt a flash of warmth flood my face. Then, as I looked away, I batted both thought and feeling safely into the distance.

Blue’s face reddened. She turned it away quickly, then half back at me, like she couldn’t help herself. I felt her grip me tighter.

I felt – no: knew.

The shaking started dying down, and Blue backed away again. I started feeling very, very tired. Dr Fisher’s voice came at me again, sounding like he was above the water’s surface and I was deep below, sinking more and more.

“Can you hear me? Just about? Okay, I promise you this: we will take care of you, always. We will do what we can for you to recover. But you need to play your part in that by cooperating fully. Do you understand what I just said? Nod if you do.”

I did so.

“We will answer anything and everything you ask in good time. Rest, for now.” Dr Fisher pressed another button on a console, and my capsule started moving towards the vertical. Blue, Bobbi and Dr Fisher helped me into a wheelchair, strapping me in tightly, then wiring up a transparent side console to my wrist and neck.

Bobbi McSorley peered intensely at me and said in a deep and sure feminine voice. “You’re going to be okay. You’re a fighter, that’s obvious. Keep fighting. Blue, take him to his quarters.”

“Yes, Miss McSorley. I’ll take Adem now,” Blue responded, wheeling me away.

Adem? When she said it, my insides leapt. That must be my name…why didn’t it feel familiar?

But I had no more time. Everything just went black as the murky tides of sleep washed over me, claiming me yet again.