A Barn Full of Rats

Watery light bled through the glass panels above. Still under glass.

Immediately, I felt Blue draped around me. How could anyone sleep like that? Nurses were a different breed, for sure.

I took her sweet essence in. Listening to her breathing made me feel calm yet uneasy at the same time. Must be from my heightened nervous system, I thought. Not anything else at all.

The door swished open, and a tall blonde male of about my age or maybe slightly older entered, wearing white uniform with subtle red markings. Briefly, I saw concern flicker on his face, but then he masked it just as quickly. Aha. Caught you in the act.

Blue cuddled into me more. I couldn’t help but say “Hey, sleepyhead!” I noticed a slow smile break out across her full lips…but as she awoke, her face reddened and she moved off me quickly, after registering her colleague’s presence.

“Oh Daniel, good morning. I was just –”

“– Blue was so tired. I kept feeling anxious; I kept waking her up last night. It’s not her fault I’m simply irresistible!” I blabbered, attempting to diffuse the situation.

“Oh yeh, right!” She chuckled nervously. Daniel didn’t betray a flicker of emotion.

“Belinda, I’m relieving you until later today – there’s been a change of plans. You’re to attend a meeting this morning at ten. Check your inbox. Then, rest up. If there’s an emergency, don’t worry – you will be summoned if it's deemed appropriate.” She nodded, hushed, and dutifully went, flashing me a goodbye smile. He then turned to me.

“Greetings. As you’ve heard I’m Daniel, Belinda’s equal but her elder by three years – and probably on less pay, not that I’m one to complain. We monitored your reactions last night and they’re quickly stabilising. Especially while you were asleep. No nightmares, traumas?”

“While asleep, no. Waking – a different matter.”

He nodded. “I detect a sense of annoyance in you: understandable. I note Belinda has been comforting you. I’m not quite the touchy-feely type myself –”

“– I might have guessed –”

“– but, if you give me a chance, you’ll realise that I’m part of the team here to help you”. He emphasised the word team as if he was making some sort of point. “We’re all here to assist –”

“– Yeah, I get that. I’m sorry if I didn't sound appreciative.”

“No need. We’re sorry if we can’t quite put ourselves in your place. It’s hard to imagine how you’d feel after what you’ve been through, maybe even for you.”

“The trouble is that I hardly know what I’ve been through. And yes, you’ll tell me to be patient.”

“Yes. You got it.”

“And probably sleep a lot.”

“Definitely. And I’d say that boredom is good for you right now, but not the boredom which prompts you to think. I can help you with that. I can be very boring.”

“I never find new people boring.”

“Yes, you’re the inquisitive type. Park it and reint–”

“– The famous reintegration. Please explain.”

“I could, but I’d probably have to kill you. Joke.” He flashed a plastic smile wanly at me.

Paranoia suddenly struck me. “Were you listening in?” I felt guilt. “Look – have I got her into trouble? I asked for hugs. She –”

“– She was doing her best. Belinda Blue’s the sort of person born to be a nurse. I know she was chosen partly because, in theory, she’s supposedly compatible with you. As a friend – no, as a professional,” he swiftly added.

I continued to look at Daniel. He sensed that I wasn’t going to let up without a proper answer.

“Okay. There were a few huge spikes in her own nervous system, so they will be discussing her approach today and seeing if she needs more support. It’s not about being in trouble. It’s about doing the best for everyone, in these circumstances. In this facility, our top professionals often get extra psychological help and development. Your situation is unique and challenging, and that’s no slight on anyone involved. Therapy and support are not signs of weakness, I assure you, rather the opposite. Now do you think I’m being transparent?”

I nodded. Maybe I had judged him unfairly before. But I wanted more from him.

“You look lost in thought.”

“I think…I remembered something about my personality. Perhaps I could read the information about myself?”

“No. Not a good idea, not yet.” The way he answered that worried me: there was something in the tone of his voice.

Beep beep.

Daniel leaned in. “Look deep into my left eye, about two inches into it, and I’ll do the same to yours.” 

Cooperating, my breathing changed. I felt close to Daniel. The beeping stopped.

Suddenly, I knew Daniel was an okay guy.

“That was a technique. As I said, I’m not exactly touchy-feely. Or good at verbal distraction. We all have our own strengths.”

“All is forgiven. I –”

“– It worked on you, quick. That’s a good sign. Maybe you’re open to hypnotherapy? Your notes say you used to meditate.”

“I can’t –”

“– Remember. It’s okay, don’t try to. I apologise.”

Daniel suddenly noticed the scattered chess pieces towards the corner of the room. “What happened there?”

“Just my anxiety. And we hadn’t even made a move!” Well, we had made moves, just not in chess…

“Chess might be very good for you. Unless you hate losing.” He gave me a wolfish grin, the first time I saw real warmth from him.

“Ha! Fighting talk. But I bet you’re very good at chess.”

“Yes. I am.”

We played. And he was.

***

It was good to play. Bizarrely, I remembered the moves and was pretty sharp. Daniel beat me two games to nil, but I had put up a respectable enough fight. I think he appreciated the challenge I gave him.

He studied me searchingly. “So, what now?”

“Well, I actually don’t want to ask you anything.”

“I think that’s good. Plus no beep beeps in hours from the monitoring machines. Turn it into days and we’re winning. So, what do you feel like doing?”

“Something that you enjoy as well.”

“I like drawing.”

“Oh I – But I don’t know, sounds childish but even colouring in might be good for me.”

“What a splendid idea! I can print you off some pictures to colour in, or I could draw you one…”

I imagined colouring in a picture…

“You smiled, just then. Share?”

“No. Yeah – I was thinking, you could print me some off to practice on, while you draw? Then I will be warmed up enough not to spoil your handiwork, should you want me to colour it in.”

“Excellent!” Daniel was definitely defrosting. “I’ll be about five or ten minutes.”

While he was gone, I fell into a sleep, and I’m not telling you who or what I dreamed of but it was very nice indeed. Suddenly, Daniel woke me by setting down art provisions on the table. The picture he had chosen featured an Easter bunny, sporting a bow between its floppy ears, happily hopping beside a basket full of spotty and striped eggs. Next to that, he placed a box of colouring pencils. “It’s nowhere near Easter yet, but it looked fun. Might get you to recall happy memories,” he reflected, as he wheeled me over to the table.

I took the pencils out. There was gold writing imprinted on them: 'ANNO DOMINI 2116'. The box had a picture of robotic cats and a flying car.

“I wonder what the world will be like in 2116,” I mused.

Daniel’s face fell. Then he masked it again quickly, just like I had seen earlier. “Umm – sorry?”

His reaction was completely incongruous. A strange possibility started adding up inside me. I pointed to the pencils.

“It must be a misprint,” he said. “Or a SKU code. Yes, the code used for ordering food and products in hypermarkets.”

I had just about enough. “Daniel, I know what 'Anno Domini' means. Do you?”

His facial expression totally confirmed my suspicions. All at once, I smelled every rat in the barn.

Horror and anger struck me in equal parts. The alarm started beeping. I started attacking.

“I know you’re lying. You’re a terrible liar – stick to chess, not poker. So, I’m going to ask you –”

He looked fearful. “– No, please, not now –”

Beep beep beep. “– I AM going to ask you. What year is it?”

He stared down at the grey carpet. Motionlessly.

I hissed. “Again! What. Year. Is. It.”

The beeping intensified. The console in the corner of the room started to flash amber.

I’ll give him this: the liar collected himself rapidly. He looked at me, as calmly as he could, doing the eye thing on me again. “Breathe with me…lower your rate…I will tell you as soon as –”

I burned. “– Oh no, bucko. No more tricks. You tell me – now.”

He swallowed hard. “The pencils were made two years ago, it seems. It's the year 2118.”