Better Than Chess

Late afternoon faded into evening, as I slept some more then eventually woke again. I didn’t need to physically eat because I had something called a nutrition patch leeched onto my arm. Blue explained to me that the wheelchair I had been put in was a type of commode, and toileting issues were being hygienically taken care of for me, so not to worry about that one bit. She stated matter-of-factly that she'd occasionally clean my torso with a flannel. And my hair would get a wash after all. I stopped short of sarcastically asking if she could fix my makeup and powder my nose or pondering openly if she hadn’t played with her dolls enough growing up. Besides, right then it was like my mouth wouldn’t even form the words for a response.

The electronic joystick on my wheelchair was disabled, so it was impossible to move myself around. My chair could recline a little, and this would be done later when it was time to try and sleep for the night – but I also couldn’t do that myself.

Despite all of Blue's reassurances, I was beginning to feel that I was a helpless prisoner.

“I’m next door to you, so if alarms go off – or if you press that button right there – I’ll be in as quickly as I can. I’m a light sleeper anyway.”

“Wow. They’ve got you working hard.”

“Another occupational hazard. I came into this career with my eyes fully open.”

I started to ask more about it, but she cut me off: “That’s for the future, Adem.”

The sound of her saying my name again made me catch my breath. I forced a quick recovery.

“You’re actually called Belinda Blue?”

“Yeah, but I get called Blue, occasionally Bluey by my friends. On account of you-know-what.”

“You dye it a lot?”

“It’s natural. Nope, not explaining how it's that way at the moment!”

How could someone have natural blue hair?

“Oh, you’re a real anime princess then?”

“Hahaha…anime…yeh I read about you liking that. I’ve watched some and got to listen to a lot of anime music you enjoy.”

“And?”

“It’s…sorry, no comment allowed.”

“Christ, you can’t even talk about that? So much cloak and dagger.”

She sighed. “I’m so sorry. Please trust me.”

“Look, I’d like a little more information now. I think it’s time.”

She looked at the monitors. The wavy lines on them weren’t so wavy – so I guessed that meant I was fairly stable.

“I’ve a list of things I can…start telling you about, but not in detail. Ideally, we’d wait a few days.”

“I’m not a very patient person.”

“I know. It’s on your personality evaluation.”

“Who did that evaluation?”

“You kind of did. But you probably won’t remember.”

Kind of?  “Were you with me when I did it?”

I noticed a hard lump form in her throat; her eyes became a particularly watery blue and she looked away. Then back again. Like she wanted to say two things to me at once.

Blue took my hand.

“It’s important for your well-being that you trust me. Okay. Before I was assigned to you, I had many psychological and personality evaluations done on myself, too. Not to boast or anything, but I was the chosen candidate out of 30,000 suitable medical professionals and students. I was matched against your reported needs, based upon tests and information that you will not remember anything about. It was important that we got on, and I was a good fit for you. Then, I had to undergo special therapy, while you were beginning the next stage of being ‘reintegrated’. I’m so glad I did that. But, they warned me it would be hard for me as well as you. I’m starting to see what they meant, and that’s just because of these…circumstances. I’ve been watching you reintegrate for two years exactly! I’ll be so happy when –”

“– What exactly is rein– ”

Suddenly, her face became forced stoniness, and that definitely didn’t suit her. “No, don’t ask. Seriously, not now. Please.” She squeezed my hand, reassuringly.

“Okay. Okay.” I didn’t want to see her tear up again.

“Just one moment”. Blue left and came back a minute later with…a chess set, of all things.

“Let’s play.”

“I don’t think I’ve played in years.”

Blue looked away, like she was fighting something, yet again. The monitor beeped but stopped quickly.

I watched her open the box, which was surprisingly just plain grey cardboard. I then noticed the words ‘Chess: Staunton Set’ stencilled on the side in a sort of military writing – the sort you might have seen on ammo or supply crates in old films. Old movies like…

Like…

What were they called?

I caught her glance. She had recomposed herself and was eyeing me kindly, sweetly, like it was her default setting and it had suddenly been reactivated. As superficial and shallow as it sounds, now it was her beauty alone that was distracting me from my confusion. But then – she set the board on my lap, leaning closer – that vanilla smell, and her warmth and…even if she hadn’t been so pretty, I don’t think it would have mattered. It was much more than that, already.

She moved back to her chair. Okay, enough. Stop being silly, grow up a bit already. Focus on the here and now.

Time to deal with what Blue had been talking about: to start facing things. I was going to try and accept this ‘new normal’ – or whatever it was. My mouth began working as my brain tried to fill in some of the blanks. “Okay, Okay, I get it. I’ve been in a coma for – a year? Maybe longer, so long I had a late growth spurt? That would explain how I feel like my body is so different. Yes. Okay, and maybe I’m part-paralysed, in some way. Okay. I can take that.”

“Adem…” came the soft yet discernible warning.

I tried to set up the board, but my hands and arms still didn’t totally feel like part of me. I clumsily pushed the dark pieces to her side. “Because you’ll beat me Black and Blue!”

She laughed, but when she turned back to me, tears were streaming down her face.

Deep sadness welled up in me from seeing her like this. “Hey! Hey, hey!”

“I’m so –”

“– Come here! Nurse Blue, I’m getting anxious! Beep beep beep!”

She came, pressing herself into me. I thought I heard her quietly say, “You’re so sweet” – somehow, I wasn’t sure. Best to make a joke.

“What’s that you say? I’m not going to lick your feet!” Had I always been so ready to counter-attack like that, when I felt so totally different inside? 

I saw her unravel and enjoyed it. To see a cute girl like that explode in laughter instead of sadness; well, that felt incredibly rewarding. And not too unfamiliar. Maybe I was starting to –

“– Ahhh, I said you’re so sweet, you dummy!” Blue murmured in a voice still tinged with sadness. Her face flushed. Her watery eyes suddenly flashed with resolve, like a decision had finally been made.

Very quickly, Blue kissed my cheek, sending a mighty torrent cascading through me. “To hell with stupid chess,” she proclaimed with a rebellious smile, sweeping the set off my lap and onto the floor.

We held each other all night, sometimes awake, and sometimes in sleep.