Killing As a Human

Lea gripped my shoulder so hard I feared her claws would pierce my protective suit. “A human?”

“Looks like it. Their hood doesn’t have any space for cat ears, but they don’t seem to be carrying a weapon. Maybe they’re not with the enemy.”

“Sprout, listen to me. Your mission is too important to take any risks. Shoot them.”

“My mission?”

“Point is, we have to assume they’re an enemy. Why else would they be out here?”

Despite the urgency of the situation, I hesitated. Lea wasn’t acting like her usual confident self. There was a desperation in her voice that betrayed how terrified and powerless she truly felt, and that scared me. I was relying on her, and if she was as useless as I was, then we had no chance.

Then I realized, maybe part of the problem was that I wasn’t acting like my usual brash self either. Everything happened so quick that it fried our nerves and we retreated into ourselves, running on autopilot. We needed to break ourselves out—No, I needed to break us out—and this was as good an opportunity as I was gonna get.

“You’re right. Our mission’s too important to take risks, which is why I don’t wanna hear any more talk about sacrificing yourself. It's not like you, Lea.”

“Now ain’t the time, Sprout.”

“It’s the perfect time. I can’t do this alone. If we can’t rely on each other, we might as well give up now. Promise me, Lea, or so help me, I’ll run down there and give ‘em the suitcase myself.”

“Don’t think I won’t kill you if you try.” Lea’s voice was cold and unwavering with none of its previous meekness. I was getting through to her.

“Just promise me, Lea. Deep down, you don’t want to kill me any more than you wanna die.”

“Fine, I promise. We’ll all take a nice walk down to the Federation and have a picnic together. You happy?”

“As a clam. You can take the gun now. I won’t resist.”

“Why bother? You already got ‘em in your sights.” Lea reached over me and pressed a button on the gun. The dot on the scope’s screen changed to a skull, and I heard a high-pitched noise as the coils charged.

“What if I miss?”

“Don’t. Just give it a little squeeze when the scope tells you to.” That was the Lea I knew. Even though I kept my eye on the target, I could imagine the smirk on her face as she said that.

Once more, time seemed to slow, and I pulled the trigger. There was a faint zapping noise as the coils discharged, and then a beam of energy shot from the rifle. I watched it sail toward the person. It should have been moving too fast for the eye to track, but it kept me in suspense for what felt like minutes. If it missed, would I have enough time to fire a second shot?

I needn't have worried. The beam tore through their protective suit, right where their temple should be. Time resumed its normal flow as they crumpled to the ground.

My voice shook as I reported my success. “Got ‘em.”

Lea let out a sigh. Of relief? Of pity? I’m not sure. “Let’s wake the others and get moving. I don’t want to wait around for their friends to find us.”

⁂

The next few days were filled with nothing but uneventful marching, leaving me plenty of time to think. When I signed up to be a guard, the machines told me over and over again to be prepared to take a life if need be to defend the village. I’d always just humored them and said I was ready, never expecting anyone to actually threaten such a remote and peaceful place. It wasn’t in defense of the village—it may have been completely meaningless—but I had finally taken that life.

I was a killer.

But I didn’t wallow in self-pity that time. If I were to condemn myself, I’d also have to condemn Lea and Apollo, and I would never do that. Well, I’d never condemn Lea, at least. As for Apollo, he was dumb as a brick and I still wasn’t fond of him, but he’d done his best to protect me, and though I couldn’t admit it to myself at the time, I was slowly warming to him.

Of course, I still felt bad about what I’d done, but in a sick way, I enjoyed the guilt. It proved I was human. No beast woulda thought twice about bringing down a threat. I’m sure Apollo wasn’t beating himself up over the guys he killed, and truthfully, as much as I loved them, I don’t think Lea or Oliver were thinking about it much either.

Besides, I was finally pulling my own weight. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t feel good.

After four days, we sighted a dome in the distance. Following the road, it would only take us a few hours to walk to the gate. Just as we were about to leave the thicket, however, Apollo stopped in his tracks.

“You hear that?”

Following his example, I went dead still and strained my ears, but all I could hear was the sound of the wind and my own heartbeat. “Hear what?”

“You’re probably listenin’ with your brain. Listen with your body instead.”

That made absolutely zero sense. “If I can’t hear it, I can't hear it. Has nothing to do with my brain.”

“What I mean to say is that you’re thinkin’ too much. Waste of energy. You’re never gonna out-human a human. You gotta out-cat ‘em instead.”

Since he mentioned it, I realized there was one other thing I could hear: my own thoughts. Didn’t put much stock into his assertion that trying to outthink our pursuers was a waste of energy, but maybe if I quieted my mind, I’d be able to hear whatever it was he was going on about. I closed my eyes and tried to empty my thoughts. At first, nothing seemed different, but then I detected strange noises from about half a kilometer back. I had never heard those exact sounds before, but I instinctively knew what they meant.

“Footsteps. They’ve almost caught up to us. If we run we might… No, we’ll have no cover in the open field.” A pit formed in my stomach. Had we really come all this way just to be killed with safety a stone’s throw away?