The day I found out that "Tomorrow" was the problem

3 months after she came up to me that day, I still can't believe she isn't sick of me.

We talk most days. That is already something.

I only answer her messages whenever I feel like it, yet she never gets mad.

We meet on weekends, but only when it is convenient for me.

She has never imposed herself, she always just accepts whatever I do and says she is just happy to stay with me.

Back then, I could not take my mind off of how selfless she had been with me.  
My feelings for her were probably already pretty strong. I just wasn't paying attention to them.

The only exception was when she came and started screaming outside my apartment building saying she was too drunk to get home.

Haru: "Heeeey! ****! Come sleep with me!"

The fuck is she screaming in the middle of the night?

I ran down the stairs to her.

Haru: "There you are, come, let's get a room!"

"What room? I live here! How else would you know where to find me?"

Haru: "You do?"

...

Haru: "Then why aren't you inviting me upstairs?!"

Apparently, she had no idea where I lived. She just went around screaming my name through the whole neighborhood. She is lucky that the name I hate so much is pretty unique around here.

To be honest, I found what she did kind of cute.

I had had trouble trusting her for the longest time.

Maybe I give off the impression of having money because I am a foreigner? But she stayed with me even after she found out that I work for a normal, domestic company.

I had all kinds of thoughts. To be honest, my mind was always wondering at her. But that was it, there never was something official between us.

I realized it was weird when, after the screaming incident, my neighbors started asking about her.

Even so, this is how adult life goes. Nobody has the time to ask about romance, relationships and whatnot.

Again, I don't know what the hell I was thinking. In the end, however cool I pretend to be, I guess I am still just a man scared to talk about his feelings.

Still, none of that mattered. At the end of the day, I am way too selfish to be happy about any of this. There had still not been a single time when I felt the next morning is not going to hurt. Waking up every morning remained a daily nightmare that I could just not get out of.

I remember this one time I woke up at her place.

Haru: "Good morning!"

*rolls over*

Haru: "I was talking to you."

"Not now, too early."

I couldn’t tell her. I couldn't have her know a simple dream about walking with my old friends on the streets back home made me hate this morning so much.

I couldn't admit the mistake I made leaving home.

I don't know why, but I feel that if she found out about how I want to return to my old life we would never speak again.

Even so, without saying anything, she just climbed in bed next to me and held my head close to her chest. 

I felt human warmth. For free. Just love, nothing else. The first thing that came to mind back then was "Does anyone even deserve to feel this good for no reason?"

I just cried. For the first time in so many years, tears wouldn't stop no matter how much I tried.

No words were spoken. Thinking back on it, maybe she was also bad with them?