Believe in Yourself and Your Heart: Part 2

It was a dark, rainy night in April. He was on his way to the mall to meet up with a friend—a girl he had known since elementary school. Neon lights painted the town in a fluorescent glow as rain plastered the roads and sidewalks, creating artificial mirrors. It was as if the town were looking back at its own reflection. Tires splashed through puddles in the road, dousing anyone unfortunate enough to find themselves caught in the wake. It was the kind of night Brendan loved most.

Upon arrival, he shot a quick text and walked inside, the glass doors reflecting the roadway: “Where are you?”

Finding a table inside the food court, Brendan took a seat under the skylight as he kicked his feet up in an empty chair, perfectly relaxed. He felt great—the best he had in a long time. Fifteen seemed like a huge milestone, despite only having been a teenager for the last three years. Tonight, though, he was content with just spending his birthday evening in the presence of his favorite person.

His phone buzzed on the table, startling him as he checked the notification. It was a text message: “I’m inside Azalea’s Apparel. Come meet me inside!”

“As much as I’d rather not walk into a women’s clothing store, if I don’t pull her out of there, she’ll spend her entire allowance,” Brendan half-joked.

Twenty minutes later, he’d managed to drag himself and his favorite spender out of the store. The damage had been done, but she was thrilled to death. Shopping bags filled his hands as he gave a defeated sigh.

“Come back anytime, Miss! We appreciate your patronage,” the store manager called out, “and don’t forget—tomorrow is BOGO!”

“Aria… Listen to me very carefully… You have enough clothes to last you three lifetimes, and if my math is correct, your allowance for the month is almost gone. I’m not sure you need anything more,” Brendan said warily, knowing how easy it was to suck her in and how difficult it was to drag her back out.

“I’ll for sure be back tomorrow,” Aria shouted through the closing door. “You can count on my patronage!”

Brendan sighed. She was a handful, but he loved her. The enthusiastic faces she would make and the way her entire body seemed to radiate with energy—all of it. He loved everything about her. He couldn’t imagine spending time with anyone other than her. Even the way her hair bounced when she walked was unique.

“Sorry for dragging you back into Azalea’s again,” Aria said half-apologetically. “On the bright side, we have the rest of the night to do whatever else now!” She tilted her head, hair falling to the side as she gave Brendan a pearly smile. The night was theirs.

“There’s somewhere I’d like to go, actually. How does a late dinner in the Nebula sound?” Brendan asked.

He wanted the big announcement he had planned to be something neither of them would ever forget. Their feelings for each other were mutual; they’d been friends since before they even knew what the word “friend” meant, and Brendan had made an honest effort through the years to understand what made Aria tick. A dinner under the stars sounded like the perfect opportunity to prove it.

“That telescope-restaurant-thing, right? Where you can sit underneath an actual nebula of stars?” Aria began to imagine the menu, her mouth watering. “I’ve heard the food is really good!”

“Yep! Let’s hurry, though. They added some new items, so there’s probably a huge wait list.”

“Mm! Ok!”

The wait was shorter than expected. They were seated within fifteen minutes and were able to order a few short minutes after that. The rain must have thinned out the evening crowd. Even so, the Nebula’s stellar extravagance shined on. Mirroring intergalactic space, a camera panned across the display, revealing star-filled nebulas, gaseous quasars, even planetary ring systems. Vibrant reds and oranges, sometimes even deep, midnight blues, engulfed the restaurant in a galactic glow before the camera panned onto something new.

“So, what do you think? Beautiful, isn’t it? There’s not another place on Earth like this, and being here with you makes it even better,” Brendan said, gazing up at the ceiling.

“Yeah. It’s amazing,” she said. “I’ve never seen anything like this before.” She leaned back in her seat, thinking about the latter half of what he’d said. “That sounded like a confession of his feelings. Wait! Was him taking me here his way of asking me out on a date?” She felt the blood rush to her cheeks as her ears grew warm. Had the restaurant not relied upon blacklights for the additional ambiance, her face would have been as red as the nebulas overhead.

Suddenly, her phone rang in her handbag, snapping her out of her daze. The call was from a number she didn’t recognize. Something told her it was important, but why so late at night? She quickly looked at the time before answering, shocked it was already after 9:00 p.m.

“Hello? This is Aria Miruna,” she answered. Brendan watched as the life in her eyes vanished, color draining from her face. She gripped the side of the table to steady herself. “Ok. Thank you, but please stop doing that.” She hung up the phone.

“Who was it?” Brendan asked concernedly, careful not to pry too much. “Is everything ok?”

“Huh? Oh, no. It’s nothing to worry about,” she said reassuringly. “Elena just watched the latest episode of that new foreign drama series everyone is raving about right now, and she spoiled it for me.” Aria rolled her eyes as she placed the phone back in her bag. “Ughh. These weekly episodes give me emotional damage, I swear. Elena, too, if she doesn’t stop changing her number. I’m sorry to have worried you, though.”

Brendan let out a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness,” he said. “I’ve been watching a lot of gaming streams lately so I can’t relate, but I’m glad it wasn’t something super serious.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I just really wanted to see the episode while it was airing,” she laughed, twirling her hair around her finger, “but spending the evening with you, on your birthday night no less, is infinitely better,” she teased.

“Still, I’m going to need you to stop scaring me like that,” Brendan chuckled. “You’ve always done that, but I still love that side of you, regardless.”

There it was again, another confessionary statement. “I swear. If this boy doesn’t ask me to be his girlfriend tonight, I’ll do it for him.”

Brendan paid the bill, tipping the waiter generously. He wanted to spread his joy with others tonight. Settling for anything less-than-perfect would be a sin. He was feeling great, and the food was just as superb: creamy soup, soft three-cheese grilled cheese sandwiches filled with layers of lettuce, tomato, and turkey alongside a colorful medley of herbs, shrimp, and penne pasta all tossed in parmesan with a hint of black pepper for the main course.

Aria and Brendan walked into the restaurant’s viewing room, allowing their meals to digest before walking around the mall again. This room was different from the main one, however. Instead of a slow pan-across, the viewing room focused on two sections of the sky, and tonight’s showing were the constellations of Aquila and Lyra.

“Do you know the story behind the brightest stars in these constellations?” Brendan asked. “I promise I didn’t call ahead and tell them to show these specific ones tonight,” he joked.

“I’m not very good at constellations, but are they Altair and Vega? Aside from the Big Dipper, those are, like, the only constellations I know,” she confessed.

Brendan chuckled. “Close. Altair is a part of the constellation Aquila, and Vega is a part of Lyra. The story goes that Altair and Vega were a weaver girl and a poor shepherd boy, but they were separated by a river, carved out by the gods. Or, at least,” he admitted, “that’s one version of the story.”

“Forbidden lovers, huh?” Aria stared up at the ceiling. “Meant to be together but kept forever apart… It’s such a beautiful, sad story.”

“It really is, but you know… I never thought I would get to do something like this with you. Being here with you, right here, right now— It’s all I could ever dream about. When they took you away five years ago,” Brendan said softly, gazing at the stars, “I would stand in the road for hours every day, hoping that you’d come back. I was so heartbroken and totally devastated. You were my best friend, and to have something like that taken away from you… It almost feels like a real-life Altair and Vega.”

Aria grabbed his hand and held it in hers. She could feel the beat of his heart in his wrist, almost as if she were clasping their emotions together. She felt guilty, but she never had a say in the matter. Her mother had said it was because she retained a special gift, and in order to use it properly, she would have to attend a school for gifted children. When the news broke that she would have to leave Brendan, she attempted to run away but was caught within minutes after stumbling into a glass vase in the dark.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t stay,” she said. “I’m so sorry you had to suffer like that.” She looked him in the eyes. A small smile forced its way onto her face. “I swear I’ll tell you everything, but I don’t want to ruin your special night, so let’s save it. ‘K?”

“Aria—”

She shook her head, putting a finger to her lips. Her face flushed as she closed her eyes. Her heart pounded against her chest, battering her ribcage with fervent feelings. She’d tried hard not to blush, but she could feel herself becoming absorbed in the moment. She leaned in until she could whisper in his ear.

“I’m in love with this feeling, Brendan. I’m…” she paused, “I’m in love with you.”

Brendan’s entire world erupted into a supernova of enamored passion and desire. Everything he thought he knew vanished into the emptiness of the cosmos above him as the stars gleamed in ecstatic magnitude. There was one side to Aria that Brendan didn’t know about, and it was this one: her long, silky-brown hair tucked behind one ear as she leaned in, the moisture on her breath against his ear, the feeling of her lips against his.

“I remember now… The same girl who used to love everything to do with azaleas,” he said, fresh tears falling from his cheeks.

He looked up, eyes no longer transfixed on the dark spots in the dirt, but someone had been watching, waiting patiently. The sweet aroma of azaleas filled his nostrils again followed by a soft shuffling of feet. There was only one person in the world who loved azaleas so much.

“And that perfume… So it was you…”

“Looks like I’m not the only one who forgot,” Aria said shyly. She held her hands behind her back. “Long time no see, my little Altair.” The wind swirled around her, scattering a consortium of red and purple flower petals into the air. The orange sun transformed her hair into golden strands as it fluttered beneath her straw sunhat, locks transient in the breeze. Like her hair, even her skin glowed with an amber-like essence. “I remember now, too,” she said.

Brendan did a complete one-eighty, locking eyes with Aria, the Aria he’d always known, for the first time in years. She was beautiful, engulfed in the fiery grace of the setting sun as she dug her toes into the soft soil beneath her feet. A shimmering white sundress, held together by an ornate, oversized bow in the back, whipped around in the wind; it was as if nature itself understood the enthusiasm in her heart, but she was hesitant to admit what she felt. She curled her toes. Tension stiffened her muscles.

Brendan wasn’t sure what to feel. How was he supposed to describe the elation he felt alongside the overwhelming sense of lost time that hung over him like a cloud? The return of his lost and broken memories and Aria’s unexpected appearance sent his heart into an unabated flurry. He felt as if he’d been caught in a sudden rainstorm; the spontaneity and mood were there. Like raindrops in a puddle, waves of emotions rippled through him, relentless and oftentimes unforgiving.

“Aria, I—”

She shook her head. “Let me explain. I’m not who I used to be. I’m not like the girl in your memories. Not anymore.” She averted her gaze.

An intense sadness filled her eyes—a sadness exacerbated by feelings of insurmountable guilt and regret. A small glint rose from their corners, barely-noticeable slits. She was the final piece to the puzzle she’d been trying to piece together since her reunion with Lacia, but figuring out how she fit into everything remained elusive. Regret filled her with guilt, the kind of guilt that made her question if she even deserved forgiveness.

“That night at the mall, after my parents picked me up, something terrible happened. It broke me, and I hated the world for it. I became someone I never wanted to be.” Tears began to well in her eyes.

Brendan noticed she looked thinner compared to the memory of her on his fifteenth birthday. Had it really been six years? Not even her eyes held the same light they used to, dark circles still evident despite all of the creams he was sure she’d likely tried. Regardless, nothing would ever change the way he felt, even if they had forgotten each other.

“That night, our car was hit by a drunk driver that swerved into our lane. Mom and dad were killed upon impact and I— I just sat there in the back seat,” her voice shook, “covered in their blood and broken glass.” She took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. “Brendan, I hated everyone and everything. I was so mad that I left town without a word. I fell so far,” she whispered. “The world was my enemy, and when I stumbled upon a series of essays claiming that it was possible to theoretically rewrite it, well… Life meant absolutely nothing to me, as you can see. I wasn’t afraid to exploit anyone so long as I stood to gain from it.”

She walked down a set of nearby train tracks hidden beneath the overgrowth of grass and weeds. The rusted steel had turned dark brown and orange. Gravel crunched underneath the blocky heel of her sandals as she trudged forward, hands carelessly swaying at her sides. Brendan could tell she was crying even though her back was turned. She just didn’t want him to see.

“God, I even aided in the kidnapping of Lacia,” she said exasperated. “What was I thinking? How could anyone love a monster like—”

Brendan moved to wrap his arms around her. “Aria. You are not a monster. What you did is not for me or anyone else to judge. I don’t know what the past six years have been like for you. I’m sure there’s a reason, and we’ll deal with that later. But if there’s a God out there or some twist of fate is to decide your destiny,” he paused, “they’ll have to go through me first.”

Aria fell to her knees as she slipped through Brendan’s arms, allowing gravity to win her over instead. Her legs plowed into the cool dirt. Dark splotches splattered her dress, salty tears glistening in the setting sun as they cascaded down her cheeks. She wanted nothing more than to tell him she still had feelings for him, despite their time apart, but she didn’t even know where to begin. His words echoed inside of her mind as she desperately tried to uncover their meaning. What did she want more? Time to figure herself out, or just someone to love her, to tell her it will all be okay in the end?

“He’s probably already scouted Mana, Lacia especially,” she thought. “How can he say he’d fight gods when he doesn’t even know me anymore? He can’t expect me to just stand here and smile, can he?”

“Aria,” he said softly, “we all have regrets. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, and I know you know that better than anyone.” He knelt down beside her. “I don’t expect you to act like anyone other than yourself—no one other than the girl I fell in love with that night at the mall.” He smiled, holding back his own tears of reminiscence.

“I— I just want to learn how to live without all of these regrets, Brendan.” Aria clutched her chest. “My heart hurts. My soul is screaming at me. I can hear the voices in my head telling me how awful I am—”

She broke into a cacophony of sobs, more tear-sized dark spots joining its companions in her lap. Tears splashed off the backs of her hands while others were absorbed into the soil. Her emotions ebbed and flowed; she was unable to manage the onslaught of guilt, pain, and heartbreak. It would take more than a confession of love to mend her wounded heart.

The colors shifted in the evening sky as the stars began their routine shimmer; deep purples, reds, and dark blues heralded the budding starlight of the night.

“We may never know where the world and heaven end, but I know that, with you by my side,” Brendan grabbed her tear-soaked hands, “everything will fall into place.”

Aria’s heart raced. Her eyes shone in the gleaming starlight, wet with tears as she removed her gaze from her lap. Her heart collided with a wall of mixed emotions; she had forgotten what it was like to have someone care for her. She took shallow breaths between sobs, realizing she’d been staggering her breathing the entire time.

The flickering dream she’d always longed for had been right in front of her from the start. With Brendan’s hands still in hers, she brought them to her cheeks, tears caressing his soft fingers before dripping off. It wasn’t a perfect dream, but it was her dream. Fear edged into her mind, afraid that if she let go, she would have to face the reality of losing him all over again.

“This isn’t the person I ever wanted to become. I hate myself. I’ve caused so much grief.”

She scolded herself, not for her misplaced memories and misguided morality, but her failures as a friend, a romantic partner, and, most of all, a human being. She wanted to believe everything would be okay in the end, but what exactly was the end? Was she willing to wait that long? She’d just betrayed the last six years of her life, devoted to some strange man who babbled about nonsense all the time, and for what?

“No… What I want,” she said, stumbling to her feet, “is to believe in myself again. I want to feel—”

Brendan wrapped his arms around her again, tighter this time. He was warm, body pressed against hers. Her body had missed his soft touch, but her mind was a jungle gym of complex emotions that only added to her discomfort. She eked out a small squeal, trying to push him off. She felt embarrassed, awkward. “This really isn’t the time,” she wanted to shout, but decided it wasn’t worth the effort to fight him. She let her arms fall to her sides. “Fine,” she thought, “I guess this isn’t so terrible, after all.”

“You can cry too, you know? You don’t have to be strong all the time,” she said through choked tears as they continued their descent, mixing and spilling with Brendan’s from earlier “Don’t make this all about me,” she mumbled into his shoulder.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, “but I think I’ve got things under control.” His voice was shaky, and watching Aria cry pained him. “Just another side to you I’ve yet to see, despite thinking I had you all figured out.” He chuckled. “If it’s not about you though, then who else do I get to share this moment with?”

Aria groaned. “Why do you always have to trouble my heart like this?” she said between sobs. “I hate you when you do this to me, but I feel like I’m alive for the first time in years. I haven’t felt emotions like this in so long… I forgot what it was like to cry, to have someone care about you without ever asking for such kindness…”

The last of the sky’s color faded away, revealing the full luster of the night sky as Aria’s belief in her dreams rose higher than the stars themselves. This time, she wouldn’t let Brendan go, no matter what it took to make that reality hers.