September 1st, After Lunch

I need to figure something out. Under normal circumstances, this could totally wait until after school is done. However, I don’t think that these are normal circumstances. This should only take a few minutes, but I need someone to cover my class for me while I talk with Marisa. Out of the corner of my eye, I spy a distinctly blond man whose name happens to rhyme with “Fanny.” It’s Danny. He doesn’t look too busy, which is perfect for me. He’s got a burger in his mouth. Looks like he went to the same place that I did.

“Danny, can you watch the kids for me? I have to talk to Marisa, and it’s kind of urgent.”

“Mmmph mph mmph mmu mph mmph?”

I gesture at him to finish his food, and he nods. One comically loud swallowing noise later, and…

“Uhh, does it have to be me?”

This guy, I swear.

“You’re here, right? Eating a burger in the middle of the hallway. Go sit at my desk, and you can eat your burger there. It’s more hygienic.”

He pauses for a moment.

“Okay. Well, you did help me out earlier.”

“How did the presentation go, by the way?”

“They… seemed mostly interested. Well, as interested as 9th graders usually are in this sort of stuff.”

“That’s good. Anyways, I’ve gotta go.”

I clap him on the shoulder, and give him a thumbs up and a smile.

“You’re Penrose now.”

Without giving Danny a moment to reconsider, I quickly make my way to the principal’s office. Proper decorum dictates that I knock, so I do. I hear a muffled “Come in,” so I oblige her. Well, I thought her voice was muffled because there was a door separating us. That was not the reason for this auditory interference. Marisa Ataraxia, my boss and principal of NEO Yorkville Technical High School, whose leadership cemented our reputation as one of the top high schools in the world, currently has her face planted on her desk. Her long, black hair cascades around the wood of her desk. I make sure to quickly close the door behind me. Suddenly, Marisa clasps her head in her hands and sits up in her chair.

“PENROSE!”

Wow, that was loud.

“They’re going to sue the shit out of the school. What do we do?”

Huh? Wait, that wasn’t a joke?

“Who-“

“The Asphodels are going to sue the shit out of the school. What do we do?”

She gets up from her desk and starts pacing back and forth.

“The Asphodels are going to sue the shit out of the school. What do we do? The Asphodels are going to sue the shit out of the school. What do we do?”

This scene is quite concerning. I’ve never seen her like this before. If someone walked in on our conversation right now, her reputation would be put into doubt almost immediately. Good thing this isn’t anyone’s first impression of her.

“I know it’s both cliché and ineffective to tell you that you should calm down, but I don’t really know what else to say.”

Her head swivels like an owl to face me. I even hear her neck crack a bit. Ouch.

“Penrose, what the hell!”

“What do you mean, what the hell? I didn’t do anything!”

“Why do they want you to be their club advisor?”

“I dunno!”

“Why you, specifically!?”

What happens in the Blacklead family stays in the Blacklead family. I have a clue, but I get the impression that Sally’s past should stay a secret from as many people as possible. It doesn’t look like that Asphodel girl leaked it to anyone, which is a plus. Time to feign ignorance.

“I don’t know!”

“Well, I guess that settles it. You’re the Competitive Band club advisor now. Do you even know the first thing about Competitive Band?”

“Nope.”

“Well, figure it out! Wait, by the way, aren’t you supposed to be teaching a class right now?”

“Danny’s covering for me.”

“Since when were you two so close?”

“Since today. We’ve only spoken for a few hours, but it feels like we’ve known each other longer than that, for some reason.”

“Why are we talking about your bromance? There’s something more pressing. How did you know about the situation? I’m the only person in this building who was notified about this.”

Now I’m in a sticky situation. I have to show her the letter, but I don’t want her to find out about the extended Sally Antimonia cinematic universe. Time to finagle this.

“I got a handwritten letter from one Mirabelle Double-Loveless Asphodel that basically said everything you told me.”

Marisa pauses for a bit.

“Oh. Of course. That tracks. What?”

“I was confused, too. I also got a few more from some other girls in different periods.”

“I want names. Although I can’t do anything thanks to some extra stipulations in the Asphodel Ultimatum.”

“Are we going to call it that now?”

“It sounds cool, so we’re sticking with it. Back on topic, are you familiar with these aforementioned stipulations?”

That’s a pretty verbose way to say “terms,” but go off, I guess.

“I am not, in fact, familiar with them.”

“Alright, strap in. It makes sense that they didn’t tell you, as you can’t really do anything about them anyways.”

She pulls something up on her monitor.

“Stipulation number one. Disciplinary action against any of the students mentioned above will be met with retaliation.

“Stipulation number two. Substitution of Penrose Blacklead for a different advisor will be met with retaliation.”

I’m liking the Asphodels even less now.

“Stipulation number three. Investigation of Penrose Blacklead, as well as his family and friends, will be met with extreme retaliation.”

Wait, maybe I like them more now. Is this Stockholm syndrome working its magic? It’s almost like they don’t want information about Sally to be leaked. I think this pretty much confirms that Sally was telling the truth about her falsehoods, to some extent. Marisa coughs, distracting me.

“There we have it. I don’t really know what’s going on with the last stipulation, but I don’t have the energy to ask more questions right now. However, there’s one more thing I need. Can you give me the names of the girls who gave you these letters?”

“Well, they’re long and kind of complicated, so I’ll do my best to remember. Their names are-“