September 1st, After School – Part 1

“Mira Double-Loveless Asphodel! ❤” says a certain pink haired girl who already asserted herself earlier.
“Victoria Vanadium,“ says a tall, purple haired girl with a severe expression on her face.
“Helen Thoriuze,” says a blonde girl with her arms crossed.
“June Overtherainbow,” says a short girl with dark blue hair and bags under her eyes.
“Priscilla Matchpoint!“ says an angry looking orange haired girl with twin tails.

We’re currently standing in the school’s band room. It’s a massive circular room, with speakers and lights hanging above its center. Smack dab in the middle of the room is a stage, surrounded by equipment that I’ve never seen before. I’ve never been here before, but it looks like I’m going to have to get familiar with it, whether I like it or not. Well, before I even give these girls the time of day, there’s something they’ll have to do for me.

“Alright. Take out your pencils.”

A collective “What!?” fills the room.

“You’re going to be writing a hundred lines for me. I will not do… and then whatever you did this morning.”

There’s going to be a lot more people talking at once than I was previously mentally prepared for, so I feel like it will be best if I organize my thoughts a little bit differently.

Mira, clueless: “What about the no disciplinary action rule! ❤”

Priscilla, joining in: “Yeah! You can’t do anything to us!”

With a stern look in my eyes and anger in my heart, I tell them: “It’s not disciplinary action. It’s active discipline. Nothing’s going on your permanent record. It’s just a one-time thing, as an apology for disrupting class, and as an incentive so you won’t do it again. Now let’s see… We can use Mira as an example.”

Mira, smiling: “Well, I am quite exemplary. ❤”

I’m almost impressed that she’s able to have this kind of attitude under these conditions. I feel sorry for her parents. Well, whatever. I smile back at her and say: “Alright, you’re going to write ‘I will not disrupt class by sitting at Mr. Blacklead’s desk.’”

Mira’s not smiling anymore. She grumbles and looks up at me, checking to see if I’m serious. I’m not just serious, I’m dead serious. Beyond dead serious, I’m lead serious. So serious, it deserves its own bespoke catchphrase. I glare at the rest of the girls and gesture at them to start writing. The atmosphere is dead quiet. Some could even say lead quiet.

I’m getting infected by Mira’s heart noises; it’s been giving me the urge to start developing an individualistic speech quirk of my own.

I slightly shake my head, point my finger to the group of girls and tell them: “One hundred lines. Chop chop. I’m stepping out for a bit, by the way. If you don’t finish your lines today, you’re going to finish them next time you all meet.” My mean teacher impression complete, I step outside the school once more to speak to Sally.

---

This time, I’m sitting on a bench in the school’s rooftop courtyard. Nobody ever comes here, and it’s got a really nice view of NEO Yorkville. I give Sally a call, setting my phone to Project Mode this time. Project Mode is a relatively recent feature in communication devices, and lets you see holograms of the people you’re calling. It’s pretty cool, and most importantly, it lets me see Sally face to face, even when we are split apart by our duty to teach the next generation of troublemakers.

“Sup, Penny.”

Here’s Sally. She’s got her long, black hair tied up in a ponytail, and she’s currently cleaning her glasses on her pantsuit jacket. Looks like she just got home a few minutes ago.

“Sup, Sally. You’re probably wondering where I am.”

“I, in fact, was not wondering where you were. You’re probably still at school, dealing with this whole mess with the letters, right?”

“I made them all write lines on their tablets. A hundred lines, just like they used to do like, eight hundred years ago. I will not do blah blah blah, et cetera.”

“That’s pretty cruel.”

“Why are you sticking up for them? Wait, before all that, my brain’s been scrambled to hell and back. Sally.”

“Penny.”

“What’s up with the secret Sally Antimonia lore? Was it really worth hiding it from me? From my parents? Possibly from your parents? I’m just extremely confused.”

Sally takes a deep breath.

“Alright, I’ll give you the condensed version. I used to do Competitive Band when I was younger. I was the coach for my elementary school team and middle school team, and things were going pretty well, or at least until I reached high school. For reference, I started Competitive Band in 5th grade and won every single year until my senior year of high school.”

“Wait, why can’t I find any information about that? I even looked up ‘Sally Antimonia competitive band’ and found nothing.”

“Well, my 5th grade win was never really official. It was just a tournament cooked up by a bunch of parents in the neighborhood. Even though this was my first time competing, apparently, I showed promise as a young musician. Enough promise that I somehow managed to get the mentorship of the previously reigning champion.”

“Weren’t you, like, ten years old? How did we jump from 5th grader to world’s strongest band girl?”

“I’m getting to it. Anyways, I was considered so good that every school in the solar system tried to poach me. I don’t really remember all of it, but my parents and I ended up working something out where I can participate in Competitive Band if it was under a false identity. And wow, did we have to micromanage the SHIT out of that. As it turns out, a full body disguise is difficult to maintain nearly 24/7.”

“What.”

“It was worth it, though. I guess I can tell you about the prize money that we’ve got saved up.”

“So that’s the ‘slush fund’ you mentioned on our honeymoon…”

Sally’s talking even faster now.

“Ehehe, you haven’t seen anything yet. Look up the name ‘Trisha Mayhem.’”

I pull up the results on a separate window. I can even place a holographic 3D model of her, as well. This is going to be kind of mean, but she wasn’t exactly my type. While Sally’s tall, with black hair, glasses, and high cheekbones, Trisha looks… not like that at all. She’s got this weird, colorful outfit on, and her hair is dyed a ton of bright colors. She’s also short, with a round face. She’s still pretty, don’t get me wrong, but…

“Wait.”

I take a closer look at her description. It reads “Seven Time Competitive Band Champion.”

“Hold on.”

“That’s me.”

“No fucking way.”

“Vibe Force projections and paid actors.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Yuh huh.”

“That doesn’t explain anything.”

She’s really excited. This is the smuggest I’ve ever seen her. I guess it’s fair, considering how long she had to bottle this all up. On my end, I think I’ve experienced every emotion currently known to humanity today. Right now, I think I’m feeling hyped.

“It explains everything. I had a body double show up on stage for me while I remotely controlled everything from the shadows.”

“You’re really going to need to explain how this Competitive Band thing works, Sally. I’ve heard of it, but all I know is the name. I don’t think I can understand your story or advise these weirdo kids if I don’t understand the mechanics.”

“I’ll get to that later. I’m almost done.”

“Alright, keep going then.”

“As it turns out, it’s kind of difficult to lead a secret double life as a musical prodigy. Some people from the All-System High School League started to realize that there was a suspicious Sally shaped hole in the proverbial drywall. Wait, this metaphor sucks. You get what I mean, though.”

“So that’s the high school mafia?”

“Yuh huh. Long story short, I got them off my tail, but I tried to avoid doing any Competitive Band stuff in the future. Then I went to school and met you, and you know the rest. Anyways, I don’t really want to get involved in this whole mess again, so that’s why my family and I never told anyone about my escapades.”

“You didn’t need to hide it from me, though. I wouldn’t have told anyone.”

“Trust me, you would. You’re the Wife Guy, after all.”

“I wouldn’t!”

“You would! Did you know that I have perfect pitch and can sing and play two instruments at the same time?”

“That’s awesome! Or at least it would be if I ever saw you do it. Hint hint.”

“My point exactly. Anyways, you need to know how Competitive Band works. Right now, that’s more important than my incredible musical skills.”

“Okay, we’ve dragged this out enough, after all.”

“Great, let me break it down for you.”

~~~

When you think of Competitive Band, the image of two concert bands playing against each other might come to mind. That’s sort of what this is, but not really. In Competitive Band, now shortened to Compband because I don’t want to keep saying Competitive Band all the time, you have to do everything from scratch. Song lyrics? You make them yourself. Lighting and special effects? That’s all you, girlie. Your goal is to get the maximum amount of audience engagement. The song doesn’t necessarily have to be good; it can also be carried by cool special effects.

Your team and the opposing team are placed on stages on opposite sides of a stadium. First thing’s first- you have to attract the audience’s attention with cool glowy visual effects. These are created with Vibe Force holographic projectors, and scale with a band’s cohesion. Basically, the more in sync you are, the cooler your effects are. There are basically no limits when it comes to your displays, except things that are obviously NSFW.

In terms of team composition, it really doesn’t matter, and a lot of schools do it in different ways, but here’s how I did it:

I was the conductor, but I also sang. Usually, there is a conductor, and they’re in charge of keeping the band on tempo, but also directing the visual effects team. The projections on both teams usually end up getting locked in “combat,” so to speak, and start interfering with each other, so I would say you need a conductor with a cool head and good kinetic vision. Oh, right, the competitions themselves.

Competitions are split between preliminary matches and an interplanetary finals match with the top 32 high schools across the solar system. Preliminary matches have a slightly different ruleset than the finals, so we’ll go over them first.

For the entire preliminary match season, you get pitted against other high schools in your area, and your goal is to get wins. Wins are based on Vibe Force audience excitement metrics, and there’s usually a “setlist” depending on how famous and successful your team is. Basically, if you do well, you get to be the opening act, but if you don’t, you should expect to find yourself at the very end. There is no defined genre, and you can play whatever you want. However, if you only play what you’re comfortable with, you’ll be screwed when finals roll around.

The finals are hell. There’s no other way to put it. Two weeks before they officially start, you’re given the list of genres. All 32 teams have to do the same genre, then the 16 winners have to do another one, all the way until the last round, which also has an extra round where you have to play your greatest hits back-to-back. Writing the songs is extremely difficult, choreographing them is even worse. It’s worth it, though.

~~~

“Phew! Anyways, that’s the rough overview of it. When you inevitably have more questions, I’ll support you from the shadows.”

She wiggles her fingers to emphasize her point. I give my back a nice, loud CRACK, and switch my phone off of Project Mode.

“Thanks, Sally. I’ll do my best to keep your legend alive.”

“Glad to hear it. Save the Compband Society, Penny!”

“You bet I will.”

Hmm. It’s been a hot minute since I stepped out. Let’s see how much progress Mira and the others are making on their hundred lines.