Sometimes the Right Choice Never Exists

Kaede took a deep breath and answered quickly.
“Alright. If you permit me, I’ll create a new Ren.”

Morgan’s eyes lit up. “And will you kill it?”

“Yes. But I’ll create a brain that’s already damaged, incapable of proper thought. Then, I’ll inflict indescribable damage on that section and ensure it dies from a fatal blow to the head.”

Morgan seemed thrilled. “Do you think killing someone with cognitive impairments or injuries is permissible? Or that endangering other people’s lives for your own happiness is necessary? Your family’s always like this, but you still manage to find the most optimistic way of doing whatever you want.”

Kaede understood what Morgan was referring to, but there wasn’t time to dwell on it. She got to work immediately. Unexpectedly, Morgan and Medi decided to help her. The process of connecting the entire body, holding the real, raw organs in her hands, knowing they were Ren’s, made Kaede uneasy. Yet, she endured.

As planned, they created the brain with damage and connected it to the remaining artificially manufactured organs. These organs were constructed piece by piece and linked in a specific order, with the final step being a signal to the heart to start beating.

Everything was completed. Even the synthetic skin and hair matched perfectly. The creation looked exactly like Ren. Taking the scissors Dr. Morgan handed her, Kaede ran her fingers through the synthetic Ren’s hair. She had always cut Ren’s hair too. The same sensation as before swept through her, a mix of disgust and shame burning her body as she performed this grotesque act. And yet, she thought of her love, who lay somewhere, wounded and unresponsive.

What had happened to them? How had everything fallen apart so completely when life had been so good? Kaede pushed the thoughts aside. Now, this new Ren needed to suffer a severe blow to the head.

“There’s a room two doors down on the right, it’s full of broken junk. Bring me something heavy, like iron or wood,” she instructed.

Wrestling with her swirling emotions, Kaede obeyed without question. By the time she returned, Morgan had already triggered the artificial heart, and the second Ren on the operating table had entered life with unbearable agony.

“What did you do?” Kaede shouted.

“Wasn’t this the plan anyway?” Morgan replied.

“No. I mean, yes, but... I intended to strike first to shorten its suffering.”

“That could’ve compromised the autopsy. Just do it. End its pain already!” Morgan’s voice was colder than any machine.

Kaede’s hands trembled as she watched the synthetic Ren writhing in torment, screaming and producing strange, guttural noises. Gripping the thick iron rod, she raised it high, though even holding it up required all her strength. The Ren before her turned its eyes toward her, tears streaming from them in anguish. It was as if it were begging her to end this. Kaede’s arms grew weak.

Morgan’s sharp voice cut through the air. “Finish it now, or it’ll die on its own!”

With all the strength she had left, Kaede swung the deformed iron tool and struck the being’s forehead. The sound of its skull cracking echoed, and blood splattered onto her. Opening her eyes, she saw the shattered, caved-in skull. A dislodged eye had collapsed inward while the other dangled grotesquely.

Kaede dropped the murder weapon immediately and vomited. Kneeling on the floor in the middle of the lab, she wept and retched simultaneously.

Blood trickled into the corner of her eye, burning it. At that moment, every memory of unbearable pain Kaede had ever endured felt trivial in comparison.

A faint sound of clapping reached her ears, and she turned her head to see Morgan.

“That was spectacular. You crushed every cell in one strike. Now get up and clean yourself. For showing me this magnificently tragic scene, I’ll take care of the cover-up. I can write that he was killed by being struck with straps. Then go home and live... if you can.”

Morgan’s words echoed in Kaede’s mind: Live... if you can.

What happened after that remained a haze. Kaede thought she stripped off her clothes and used cleansing wipes to remove the blood from her skin. She didn’t remember where the clean clothes came from, but she recalled scrubbing her hair obsessively, failing to remove all the stains.

After leaving, she wandered aimlessly, not knowing where she was going. Kaede walked for what felt like an eternity. She wished she could explain what she thought or felt during that time, but she didn’t know herself. Eventually, the scent of the sea reached her, and she followed it instinctively.

Kaede found herself at the edge of a cliff. Climbing over the railing, she dangled her legs off the side. She never considered jumping. She just felt unworthy of living. She left the decision to nature: Throw her down if it must.

Kaede sat there, helpless, until night fell. If fate existed, she despised it. It had never loved her, and it never would.

Eventually, she noticed Medi had followed her the entire way. When Kaede stood, she nearly lost her balance but caught herself. Despite everything, her body still clung to life. Medi, large and sturdy, was spacious enough to carry a human inside. She had brought it to transport her grotesque creation, but now, she needed it to carry her home.

The following days blurred together. Kaede spent them sitting in the chair by Ren’s bedside. She barely slept and didn’t eat at all. It felt like the more she stared at him, the faster he might wake up.

The day after the incident, Kaede’s mother called. Her mother said she wanted to see her and expressed her sorrow for her husband’s death. Kaede refused to meet her. She told her mother she wasn’t home and wouldn’t see anyone. The house was sealed, dark, and fortified to its maximum security. Her mother’s voice sounded so desperate and worried. Despite everything, Kaede didn’t want her mother to worry about her.

“I’m fine,” Kaede said. “And I’ll be better.”

While Ren lay on the sickbed, Kaede sat rooted to her chair, lost in a whirlwind of thoughts. Emotions gathered like clouds, turning into rain that poured heavily within her. She had freed Ren. His health was improving. She would manage to keep him alive. But what came next was far harder to decide.

When she spoke his name, a haze settled over the light in her eyes she used to see in the mirror, a haze she feared would never lift.

The worst part was that, despite everything, Kaede still loved him. She longed to caress his face, straighten his hair, and listen to his beating heart. If she had to die to wake him up, she would have done it. But every time she looked at him or closed her eyes, that scene came flooding back.

His sunken, shattered skull. The brain fluid spilling out. The eye that had looked at her only moments ago, now dislodged, surrounded by so much blood. Kaede couldn’t even look at Ren’s face anymore. When she thought of his name, a paralyzing fear gripped her, as though something terrible was about to happen again.

For a man who had never loved her, she had erased her identity, her ideals, and her very self. She couldn’t eat. She didn’t do this because he loved her; she knew he didn’t. She did it because she loved him, and despite everything, she had no regrets.

But Kaede believed this feeling would pass. She had done everything to ensure Ren would live and stay with her. She thought she finally deserved him now. She believed she could wait for him to love her. Even if she couldn’t look at his face for a while, she hoped to one day gaze into his beautiful green eyes again without feeling sick.