Stuck in Nowhere

The words replay in my brain, a haunting melody – “The both of us have lived through these same events before.” It feels like the cockpit is spinning from the crash, but I still catch Ezri departing from me. Having been securely strapped to the chair, she’s in a far better state than me. I extend my hand, aiming to grab hers, but just by that one movement, a sharp pain shoots through my body, starting from my ribcage and spreading. Returning to the floor, I grimace while holding my sides.

“What— what do you mean by that, Ezri?” I muster. Please, don’t tell me it’s what I think it is.

“Since the Convention, up until this point, nothing ‘new’ has happened,” she stops in her tracks, turning back to look at me. “I’ve gone through the Racer before, but when the IPU launched that rocket at the Spearhead… I was killed. Not this time, though,” she gazes down at her hand while flexing it in and out, repeating in a soft murmur, “not this time.”

Great, it’s exactly what I thought it was, exactly what I didn’t want. But something doesn’t add up – if this same crash had originally killed Ezri, how does she remember it? She would’ve resumed life as a past version of herself, and as a result, should have no recollection of any of this.

“I don’t—” an involuntary cough escapes me, “I don’t believe you. What about your limp? I’m not buying some phony lie that it just ‘miraculously’ disappeared. It was clearly from this crash, that doesn’t look like ‘death’ to me.”

“You’re correct, my legs were injured – but it’s true, I also died.”

I cough again, groaning as the action triggers the pain. “That’s ridiculous, you can’t die and live at the same time.”

“Not under normal circumstances, blondie, but let’s not dwell on the irrelevant.”

Yeah right. Maybe it’s the head fog from the landing, but I can’t figure it out. The whole idea of getting killed, surviving yet also not surviving said killing, then somehow ending up with only an injury from it all… Oh, a reversible one at that… None of it makes sense.

Rather than asking for further explanation, since I’m sure she won’t give me one, I remember the fate that awaits me – Dad had rejected Ezri, which means… I’m done for.

“So, what now? You’re going to leave me in here to die, or do you have something crueler up your sleeve?” I inquire harshly.

“Ah, no, that was a lie. Don’t worry, I’m not intending to kill you – not now, or ever.”

I lift my head up just high enough to meet her gaze while avoiding a storm of lightheadedness. “Then why the heck did you bring me on this blasted ship? What was even the point of trying to negotiate with my father?”

“Because I needed to show you something.”

“Show me what?”

And why me of all people? What’s so “special” about me that she’s so intent about?

“You’ll figure it out in due time,” she turns away from me, heading out the cockpit door. “Going to check on my crew, then you’ll get painkillers. Wait here till then,” Ezri utters the last part mockingly, knowing I can’t move a muscle. She exits, just as Shiloh and Jasper all the sudden rush inward. When I see them, the hurt gets just a bit more bearable.

“Calla!” They both yell, hurrying to my side. Thank God, they survived.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” Shiloh asks, practically shoving her hand into my face.

“Three.”

“Oh my gosh, no – it’s four! We’re losing her, Jasper!”

“No, you hit your head… You really are just holding up three,” Jasper says.

Against my better judgement, I can’t help but softly laugh – wincing as I do, since it affects my ribs. For once, I could actually use some of Shiloh’s antics right now.

“You know, it is kinda your fault we’re in this mess,” I say to her jokingly.

She grins and replies, “Hey, nobody told you two to come looking for me! You dummies should’ve left!” She shakes her head, but her usual buoyant attitude shifts into something more serious, more thoughtful. “Thanks, though. You guys put yourselves in danger, just for me.”

Obviously. If Ezri doesn’t become my downfall one of these days, it’d be the ones I care about instead. No doubt about it.

“I will not be exploited!”

… Or, maybe that isn’t a good thing. Dad didn’t let such sentiments get in the way of anything. Do you sometimes have to let go of the people you love for the greater good? Guess it’s too late to ask now – what’s done is done, and now we’re all stranded in the middle of the Boundary. But if I had been more like him, this could’ve been prevented.

He does love me though, right?

…

What am I thinking? Of course he does.

Ezri later returns with a capsule of pills. There’s a label on it I don’t recognize – Project Zero Labs. Shiloh and Jasper give each other nervous looks as she comes over, but after one good observation of the state I’m in, they decide it’s best to bite the bullet. Scooting out the way, they allow Ezri to kneel beside me, ready to administer the medicine.

“This isn’t going to feel pleasant at first, but you’ll just have to trust me,” she says, dropping three pills into her palm.

“Right, because ‘trusting you’ is something easy.”

“It’s either you take these, or you stay here suffering, take your pick.”

The petty side of me wants to lay here wallowing just to prove a point, but I know that wouldn’t be smart. Being vulnerable while surrounded by the Liberation isn’t the best idea in the world, and I don’t want my friends to worry. “Fine, get it over with.”

With that, she puts the tablets into my mouth, and I’m struck with an overwhelming pressure that feels like gravity itself has just collapsed onto my being. It nearly chokes me, leaving me with a sense of breathlessness in a matter of seconds.

“Hey! What’s happening to her?” Jasper asks frantically.

Ezri holds up her hand, signaling him to wait. Just before I think I’m about to pass out, the pressure fades away, and is gone as if never present. My body feels back to normal – no pain, no stiffness… Everything is healed, even my headache from earlier.

“What did you give me?” I ask, the question sounding more like an accusation than anything else.

“The Re:Pill, something that’ll exist in ten years from now.”

Ezri stands, beckoning us to come along with a finger. We follow her back into the main room, now flooded with crew members. Electrical sparks flicker amongst cracks on the many gadgets and along wires molded into the walls, while parts of the ventilation system dangle from the ceiling. Almost all the lights have gone out, dimming the space significantly.

Even though she’s still suited up, I recognize Petra by her figure and voice. She’s talking to a taller, muscular man, whose face is also hidden with a helmet.

“Petra, Ace,” Ezri says, approaching the two. “How’s the engine?”

“Absolutely busted, Admiral!” Petra chirps with a salute, her untimely happy-go-lucky nature like a bug in my ear. Almost reminds me of Shiloh. “We’re stuck here with no means of leaving.”

“But we did a good job preparing for the worst,” the man, apparently named Ace, adds in. “We have everything we need stocked up for when they come.”

Ezri nods. “Alright, so now we wait,” she goes to stand in the middle of the room, the simple motion grabbing the full attention of the soldiers, her presence alone captivating. Raising her voice, she announces, “Listen up, all of you. The Spearhead has been severely damaged, and with no way of repairing it, we’ll be setting up camp here in the Boundary. Get to it, and stay alert at all times.”

Each member disperses into different sections of the broken-down Spearhead, gathering supplies and carrying them out into the still atmosphere of the Boundary. Going out with them, it’s the first time I’ve ever stepped foot here – a desert wasteland, with no variation in landscape, except for some mounds here and there. The Capital sits behind us, far over yonder, and not even a glimpse of the outer territories are in sight.

Ezri leans against the ship’s entrance, keenly watching the activities unfold. I’ll be trapped here with her, the bane of my existence – Ace mentioned something about people “coming,” and Ezri about “waiting,” so I’ll guess it’ll be until whenever that is. Doubt they’ll tell me anything, though.

But you know what, it isn’t all that bad. Ezri has her goal, while I have a mission of my own. Lux still needs that DNA, and being so close to her now, I’ll have plenty of opportunities. Just one lock of hair, or one drop of blood…

That’s all it’ll take.