Echoes of Fear

Is it already too late for me?

Nervously, I recalled the echoes of thunder.

“You’re so stubborn…”

Sitting in the only alley shielding me from the rain, I was found by Rin.

“With all the effort I put into setting up this date, honestly…” she panted under her umbrella.

Why does she have to say that now?

Shivering from the cold, I clung to my legs in search of warmth and silence.

“I already know I messed up…”

“You’re right. I was having such a great time with Carlos…” She tried to lighten the mood. “Come on, let’s go before you catch a cold.”

She stepped closer to offer me her hand.

“No.”

“No what? Do you want to catch pneumonia?”

“I don’t want to go back…”

“Why not?”

“Didn’t you see? He told me all that, and I… I hit him and ran away…” I hid my face between my knees.

Haunted by my memories, I couldn’t stop thinking about the self-hatred I’d carried since my mother’s betrayal.

“What are you trying to say?” Rin sat beside me; her gaze fixed on the balconies shielding us from the downpour. “That you regret how you reacted?”

“You really love making me talk…”

“I love taking advantage of the rare times you actually open up. So?”

“Of course I regret it! Isayama is going to hate me now!” I buried my face between my knees again.

“Hmm, you think so?”

“He won’t want to talk to me! He won’t want to be my partner anymore! Damn it, I want to be with him!” I finally admitted, succumbing to my friend’s warm smile.

“There you go, let it all out, sweetie…” Rin murmured happily. “So, why did you run off and leave him standing in the rain?”

“I was scared…”

“Scared?”

We let a few seconds pass in silence. Rin’s gaze drifted toward the puddles in the main street.

“Achoo!”

I sneezed. Accepting it as the treatment I deserved, I didn’t do anything about it.

“Not going to say anything?” I snapped, tired of her long silence.

“If fear is why you rejected Isayama, I think you’re an idiot.”

“Huh?” I watched as Rin stood up.

“Honestly, how disappointing…” She stretched her arms.

“What are you talking about? You know full well I didn’t go to school for months in primary because of this! I can’t let that happen again!” I shouted, startled by another distant clap of thunder.

Damn it, not again!

I could feel my pulse racing once more.

“Fear of being hurt again… You can’t live with that mindset forever, Katy. Isayama won’t abandon you.” Rin gently stroked my hair to console me.

“Rin…”

“I still remember when my grandfather passed away… He wouldn’t want me to spend my life wallowing in grief—especially if his sacrifice meant I could keep living… I don’t think she would want to see you like this, Katy.”

Her words brought a fleeting memory of my mother’s deathbed. That afternoon when fate unknowingly crossed my path with Isayama’s.

“If only it were that simple…”

“I think if you open your heart to him, he’ll forgive you.”

I remembered that first day in the office, surrounded by protestors. Our first arguments in the car. The tragic cases we solved together. The first times we laughed.

Those endless reports. Coffee breaks with the rest of the team. Early mornings in the office. Our first victories.

His love for the piano, his smile that morning. His inner struggle when he couldn’t save a client. His distant, sorrowful gaze. The warmth of his hand or his chest. The scent of his sheets.

His pensive stare out the window, observing the city from above. His genuine joy listening to me talk at the aquarium. His eyes in the rain…

“Rin! Let’s go home!”

She smiled, watching me rise to my feet.

“I want to see Isayama!”

“And now you’re impulsive all of a sudden…” She laughed as I took her umbrella.

“Ready?” I stood at the edge of the alley, ready to cross the curtain of rain.

“Of course! But first, you should take a shower, or you’ll catch a cold.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Sergeant…”

“By the way! Give him back his umbrella!”

…

Together, we returned home.

As agreed with Rin, I showered and changed into dry clothes before going to see Isayama.

My heart feels like it’s going to explode… Calm down, damn it… What are these nerves?!

I made sure every strand of my bangs was perfectly in place in front of the mirror.

Without wasting another second, I walked through the residential hallways toward Isayama’s door. Only accompanied by his umbrella.

Take a deep breath…

Exhausted and tense, every step felt like a leap into the void.

Apologize to him. Tell him how you feel and beg him to accept you…

I felt my heart pounding as I reached his door.

“What if he doesn’t accept me…?” I muttered to myself.

For some reason, I could hear a lot of voices shouting on the other side of the door.

What if he’s so angry that he doesn’t want to work with me anymore?

I hesitated before pressing the doorbell. I feared that the smile he once gave me might no longer exist for me.

DING DONG

All noise on the other side abruptly ceased.

I rang the bell, took a deep breath, and stood there feeling guilty. Imploring fate to let me fill the void that had rotted inside me for so long.

If he rejects me, I’ll understand. But what will I do if he doesn’t even give me the chance to apologize?

“Huh?”

The door opened.

As light from his room spilled into the dim hallway, my eyes met his.