/ Dissociation /

The dull grey vents sprawled endlessly in every direction. Their compact nature put Arufa at unease, who with Marsia had been crawling through the complex for a few minutes now. It was impossible to know how far they’d come, nor how near they were to freedom.

Any noise they made echoed through the system on repeat, reverberating through the thin metal walls and drilling into their eardrums. Even the tiniest clatter thinned Arufa’s blood—the dark horrified her now, and even more so the unknown.

God, I can’t stay in these vents much longer. I think I’m gonna go insane, she thought, holding her flashlight ahead as she army-crawled forward. Marsia’s doing just fine, but my head’s pounding.

“Lord have mercy on you,” Marsia hissed from behind her. “Could you move a little faster?”

“I’m trying,” she replied.

“Try harder. And I want that break soon.”

Arufa pushed herself through the dark, praying she’d come to an exit somewhere. She was beginning to think Ghiles had lied to her on purpose, just to trap her in this awful maze of steel. Part of her just wanted to give up now.

Looking ahead in the tunnel, she squinted. What is that light up there? A ghost? An angel? Another scientist? Why am I panicking about this? What’s wrong with me?!

As if to compensate for her irrational fear, she channeled more energy into her movements and shuffled further. The faint white glow became brighter, and larger, until…

“Ack!” Arufa exclaimed, falling face-first into a small ventilation room. She took the brunt of the miniature drop on her cheek, which quickly flushed with embarrassment as she heard Marsia’s dainty laughter.

“Imbecile,” she said, sliding into the room properly and sitting down on the aluminum floor. “Did it taste alright?”

“What?”

“The ground.”

“I didn’t– why are you making fun of me?”

Marsia brought a hand up to her mouth and averted her eyes like she had before. “I… don’t know.”

Swiveling her body to sit upright, Arufa leaned in, confused. She seems genuinely sorry. Does she not have control over it? And I never saw this side of her in X2…

“Hey, Marsia,” she said. “You wanted a break, let’s take it here. I need a chance to really talk with you.”

Several large fans spun overhead, dim white light filtering in through their blades. It was the brightest room she’d seen in the laboratory so far, and to be honest, calling this a room was pushing the definition.

“What’s on your mind?” Marsia asked.

“A lot. But number one right now is why I’m so scared of everything.”

“Oh, yes. I’ve noticed by the way you’ve been shaking the whole ventilation system since we crawled in.”

“Um… is this– am I talkin’ to evil Marsia right now?”

“No, I truly meant that,” Marsia chuckled. “Yelping at every little noise certainly hasn’t helped your case, either.”

“Yeah, it’s… weird. In such a crazy, awful way, too. Like, I know I shouldn’t be scared of anything here. I wouldn’t be if we were still in X2. But we’re not. And now I’m terrified of everything. I feel like I’m having an eternal panic attack.”

“Arufa, it’s okay. I’m here for you.”

“Thanks, but I’m not done,” Arufa said. “Because what’s up with you and your weird mood switching? One moment you’re like this, like you were in the simulation, and the next you’re all snarky and selfish.”

“Perhaps it’s the same thing that’s happened to you. Just, instead of getting scared silly, I get… really snarky and selfish.”

“I dunno, maybe. I just want answers.”

Marsia snapped her fingers. “That reminds me! You said something about Dr. Ghiles earlier!”

“Oh, yeah. You know how Dr. White was checking on you?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Dr. Ghiles was checking on me, and he caught me right after I busted out.”

Marsia’s eyes widened. “So, what’d you do? Punch to the gut? Kick him in the groin?”

“No, nothing like that—why are you so violent?—but yeah, he just stopped and explained a little of what was happening. He’s the reason we’re in the vents right now instead of X2.”

“Pardon?”

“This is his flashlight. He told me to crawl here to get away from Dr. White, who he said was going insane or something. Which sounds about right from what you told me.”

“She was mad, that lady was.” Marsia leaned back against the wall, her posture less feminine than it’d been in X2. “Out of curiosity, do you know anything about the other two?”

“Who, Skyler and Locri? Haven’t seen ‘em. Only reason I found you was ‘cause you screamed a little.”

“I did not!”

“I dropped my flashlight, and I heard a tiny little ‘ah!’. Heheh.”

“That was what that noise was?”

“Yeah, um. I dropped it a lot, actually,” Arufa laughed. “I’m glad no one else heard it.”

“You’d best be. White would have your head!”

The tension in the shaft simmered down as the two talked. They hadn’t really known each other before now, and they’d only had two brief moments to interact. Now, stuck in the same situation, it was as if they were meeting for the first time.

“Hey, so. This is a… random question,” Arufa said, staring at the fans above. “Do you remember anything from before the simulation?”

“Not in particular, no. But I’ve got this feeling I was… a much different person.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s just… I’m acting so… brash. Rude, even. I’m inclined to only care about myself, but I know that’s wrong…”

“I get it. I don’t know if we’ve always been lab rats or what, but… I– yeah. I just had so much courage back in X2. Now, what. I’m scared of fuckin’ everything.”

“Well, maybe that’s just the real you.”

“So… you’re saying I’m a scaredy-cat?”

“Well– not in a mean way. I mean, you didn’t seem like that when I first met you. You tried to steal from an armed bodyguard, for Christ’s sake.”

“Yeah. That… feels like the real me.”

“But it’s not. We’re not in some simulation anymore, Arufa. This is real. And the real you is… anxious. Which is okay.”

Arufa looked at the floor between her legs. It doesn’t feel okay. It feels awful. I don’t like this version of me.

“Hey, wait,” she said, picking her head up. “Wouldn’t that make the real Marsia an asshole?”

“I… I mean, maybe. If that’s true, I’d rather be the fake Marsia, from the simulation.”

“…That’s kind of depressing.”

Marsia took a deep breath. “Agreed. I think we should move on from this topic.”

“Yeah.”

The light beyond the fan blades signaled to Arufa something must be past them. But they’re spinning too fast. I can’t just phase through them here.

“Arufa,” Marsia said. She got on her knees and shuffled over, sitting beside her instead of across the room.

“Yeah?”

“I’ve just been wondering. Why don’t you have a last name?”

“Well, in X2, it was just… the way things were. I never had parents to take care of me, so I didn’t have a last name. Skyler used to have one, but they never used it. And it’s not like any of that was real.”

“Oh, what was their name? I’m curious.”

“Everly. They were Skyler Everly. But I don’t know if that’s even their real name. I mean, for all I know, I’m not even Arufa.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, Dr. White called me Marsia. And Lilia, actually.”

“And Ghiles called me Arufa, too. But… why should we take their word? Maybe they’re lying.”

“Why would they lie about something like that?”

“I don’t know. Maybe…”

“Maybe what?”

“It’s dumb. But… maybe we’d remember more of ourselves if we knew our real names?”

“Well, that’s assuming we had lives beforehand.”

“We could’ve.”

“You think so?”

“I’m pretty confident. I don’t… remember anything, not yet. But I think I will. And I think that’s what they’re afraid of.”

“Are you afraid of it, Arufa?”

“…Yeah.”

Marsia put her hand on Arufa’s shoulder. She could feel how cold it was through the thin shirt she wore. “Hey, it’s alright. You know how I know?”

“How?”

“‘Cause we’ve got each other, of course,” she said. “I might be a dipshit, or maybe I’m a bloody psychopath. But, somehow, I wasn’t, at least while we were in X2. Which means it’s possible I could be a better person. And you could, too. No matter what you were beforehand.”

“…I remember fire.”

“Come again?”

“I remember screaming. I don’t know what it was. But… I remember feeling guilty.”

Marsia brought her other hand around and faced Arufa head-on. “That doesn’t define you, whatever it is.”

“What if that’s who I was?”

“It’s… not who you are now.”

Arufa blinked. “You seemed less sure of yourself when you said that.”

“Not because I think it’s not true. I’m just… I’m remembering my own life. Just snippets.”

“And who were you?”

“I don’t know. I really don’t. I just recall people staring. I remember corpses. And… blood on my hands.”

Arufa wrapped her arms around Marsia’s back and brought her in. The former princess began to cry, her tears trailing down Arufa’s back. She stayed there for a minute or so, quietly letting her emotions run dry.

Marsia spoke between sobs. “Do you– hic– think we were murderers…?”

“I’m scared we were. But it’s like you said. That’s not who we are now.”

“You’re sure?”

“No. Not at all.”

They pulled away from each other slowly, their thoughts weighing heavy. Arufa felt tears welling up in her eyes, but she blinked them away. Our first priority is escape, not wallowing in our sorrows.

But the only way we’re really going to escape is if we take out the scientists. That, or make a deal with them. But we’ll need Skyler and Locri if we want any of that–

“Help!”

As if on cue, a new voice echoed through the facility. Arufa recognized it as Skyler’s. As the tension in the air thickened again, she snapped to attention, trying to figure out which direction it had come from.

“That’s them, isn’t it? Skyler?” Marsia asked.

“Yeah. I can’t tell if they’re in the vents or not.”

“It came from the path we just left,” she said, pointing. “They must have been closer to where I was being kept.”

“How could you tell? It’s so echoey in here.”

“I don’t know, but… I don’t think we have time to worry about that.”

Arufa rose to a squat and approached the vent she’d just left. Another shiver ran through her body seeing the darkness inside—the flashlight wasn’t strong enough to ward off all her fears.

It’s all in my head, she told herself. These memories are just as real as the ones I made in X2. Which means I can just ignore them… right?

It’s hard to tell reality from falsehood now. Maybe I’ll start to remember more and more of the truth—I hope so. But that also scares me a lot. What if it changes who I am? What if I really am a murderer?

No. It doesn’t matter whether I am or not. I need to focus on reality. And right now, that’s finding Skyler. That’s the only real option I have right now—so that’s what I’ll do. I just have to be that same determined Arufa I was before.

She let out a swift exhale before beginning the crawl. “Alright. Let’s go find them.”