The snow is cold

Its frozen sighs make the snowflakes twirl, whirl like a myriad of ballerinas. Describing twinkling arabesques, they appear to improvise their trajectory, free of any restraints. Until, finally, they land on the shivering ground or – like a handful of them – against the windowsill. Adding to the undulations described by the white powder that has piled up there, they shape miniature landscapes.

     Leaning against the window, my cheek vaguely pressed against my fingers, my arm, I contemplate this spectacle without tiring.

     Beyond the manor, where the forest lies, the trees have donned their ivory coats. The timid rays of the Sun cover them with gilding, though they would be unable of melting them.

     Usually, I find this soothing. I can stay by the window hours along.

     Though, since I came back I feel like I am outside there, under the snowflakes. The snow is pure, the snow is enchanted, but it is also cold.

“I forgot how cold it may happen to be.”

     The manor is well isolated, the useless fire crackles in the hearth, my dress effectively regulates the temperature of my body. Still, as absurd as it may seem, I feel like snow brushes me from the inside.

“Aurora, you’ve been glued to the window the whole day! Come on, let’s have some fun!”

     Niji’s voice partly fills the silence which shrouds the whole mansion.

“Au-ro-ra!”

     Perched upon my head, he battles with one of my locks of hair which he pulls with all his strength.

“…”

     That said, it leaves me indifferent.

“Ghhhhhhhh! Hey! Have you become a statue or something? You react even less than that goddamn robot of yours!”

“Is that discrimination against robots?” A stern look is directed towards Niji.

     Near the living room entrance, Jaana is leaning against the wall. Her fair hair is pulled back into a neat bun. Neat, exactly like her black and white uniform.

“Shut up, moron! That is discrimination against you! Why don’t you rather prepare the lunch or something?”

     The robotic maid averts her gaze, looking anew in front of her.

“I only respond to Miss Andersen’s requests.”

“I on-ly res-pond to Miss An-der-sen’s re-quests, beep-boop.” Niji mimics by separating the syllables.

“That is discrimination against robots.”

“That’s the problem with you! You’re not funny at all!”

     As Jaana casts another stern look at my cockatiel, I straighten up, turning calmly to face her.

“Would you like me to prepare your lunch, Miss Andersen?”

     I nod at her.

     In no time, she leaves the room, letting me alone with Niji.

“That’s. Just. What. I. Suggested. Her.”

     From the moment they met, he and Jaana have been arguing relentlessly. But, curiously, it doesn’t bother me. It is like… it helps fill the void.

“Ahh… Is that why I feel like that? Do I feel…”

“…lonely?” I utter.

     I realize for the first time that silence can be else than soothing.

“Of course,… you can’t regret what you never had before.”

     Or, did I forget what someone’s else company felt like?

“How rude! You won’t be lonely as long as I’m here.”

     Leaning forward, Niji gives me a head-down look.

     I smile faintly at him and raise my hands to catch him in-between.

“Say, Aurora. Will you return to Ōnomori?” He asks more cautiously.

“…”

     It was scarcely two days ago. As my last evening in Amahara Corporation rewinds in my mind, there is one thing I regret…

“Make your own choices, don’t follow a path that was traced for you, Aurora. Why would I marry you since you’re not even in love with me? Let’s put an end to this comedy, right?”

     …It is for not having known at the time that my answer to his reproach was obvious.

“I will. I still have… to tell him something.”

     While I release Niji, he spreads and flaps his wings with enthusiasm.

“That’s my girl! ‘Know what? I have a golden suggestion. Let’s watch anime together! I know a bunch of which might give you great ideas to charm that stupid director.”

     Appreciating his good mood, I nod. Though, there is still a doubt numbing my mind.

“But… What if am unable of these things?… Maybe I simply do not have what it takes to gain someone’s affection.”

“Nonsense. You already got mine, don’t ya?”

     I hesitate before adding.

“I did nothing to.”

“What are you blathering? You accepted me as I am.” Niji lands on a hand I have extended, gazing at me. “Isn’t it enough?”

     Blinking, I consider his words for a while before closing my eyes, casting him a gentle smile. Raising a finger towards my cockatiel, I take a while to brush his feathers.

     As I am then heading to the fluffy white couch, a question hits me.

“When… did you have the occasion to watch anime?”

     He smirks. As much as a bird can, he does.

“What’d you think? That I spent my time gazing into the void back in the pet store? When the owner was out, I used to sneak out of my cage and to hack one of the store’s device. Once logged to the network,…”

     He chortles just like a villain would, which elicits a quiet laugh from me. I am not sure all of his actions were particularly suiting the law, though… can a bird be sued?

     Once we are settled in the couch, I turn on the holographic projector and a wide screen appears near the wall.

     It is only after several hours spent watching episodes punctuated by Niji’s feedbacks, I finally fall asleep.

***

The first time I found snow cold, more than beautiful, it was over a decade ago. On a day when it covered trees with such a dense fuzz that one would have thought it was mere snow shaped as trees.

     Together with my parents, we went on a walk. I was right between them. My left hand in hers, my right hand in his.

     The snow crackled under our steps, everything around us shimmered in the reflections of the Sun as thousands of diamonds.

“One… Two…”

     The joyful voices of my parents counted before lifting me up.

“Three!”

     As I jumped at the same time, it felt like I was floating in the air, hovering inches above the white heap of powder for a few moments. My laughter followed one after the other, bursting like iridescent bubbles.

     These were the sole sounds echoing into the ice kingdom, because the snow had frozen everything, even time itself.

     I felt the warmth of their hands in mines, and didn’t realize that it was the last time I would feel it.

     Once we heard the rustling of the snow coming off the nearby heights, it was too late. Snow was rushing in our direction, wishing to swallow up the only thing she had spared until then. Our lives.

     It was cold.

     Cold enough to make me forget that I could feel anything.

***

“Miss Andersen.” A voice calls and I feel a hand on my shoulder, shaking it. “Miss Andersen. Please, wake up.”

     The voice becomes more and more distinct and I suddenly open my eyes. Straightening up, I raise a hand to my heart, grasping the fabric of my dress with my fingertips.

     Coming to my senses, I gaze at the owner of the voice. Jaana. Blinking several times, I give her a questioning look.

“Miss Andersen, there is a guest for you.”

“…?”