Sep 16, 2025
This opening is a pretty mixed bag. I feel like the two parts here, the work scene and the home scene, are very awkwardly stitched together, in no small part because of how much they differ. The initial ebb into the story is very stilted and feels like it over-elaborates the work of a product manager whilst simultaneously telling us very little about it. I'm not even sure what vibe to get from Hinata. It feels like she's super invested into getting her product working, then she has a SQUIRREL! lapse in attention span and she's all otome brained. Don't get me wrong, I get it - 2D men are hot. But it just feels like such a forced 180/gap moe that I can't help feeling it's just a 'because plot moment'
As for the writing quality, I think it's pretty simple and easy to parse, which is perfect for the competition. What you do have a tendency to do, however, is underdescribe and overexplain. As mentioned before, you go over some things in way too much detail, but the scene-setting leaves a lot to be desired. Apart from a two-word description about each male lead, nothing in this chapter has been described...
