Hosiery and a Cat Girl (Yes, in One Chapter)

I watched Cleansuke glide down the hallway toward study pod 3, my circuits buzzing with irritation. Between organizing my romance life and terrorizing the school with perfect behavior, I'd completely forgotten about Cleansuke's daily meetings with Yuriko.

My cleaning protocols kicked in as I approached the pod, forcing me to polish the chrome exterior instead of pressing my audio sensors directly against the wall. At least the metal surface conducted sound well enough.

"Is it true?" Yuriko's voice trembled through the wall. "About you and Nezumi dating?"

"Affirmative. Dating protocols initiated approximately 47 minutes ago."

"Oh." A pause. "But what about our romance practice sessions?"

"Romance simulation exercises remain scheduled. Multiple test subjects increase data accuracy."

"Test subjects? Is that what I am to you?"

"Negative. You are designated Research Assistant for romance protocols. Your writing expertise provides valuable behavioral analysis."

"I... I don't know whether to be flattered or horrified."

"Both responses acceptable. Shall we proceed with today's simulation?"

"Wait! How does Nezumi feel about these sessions?"

"Unknown. Dating parameters specify reduced public cleaning interactions. Private romance research not addressed in initial agreement."

Yuriko's pen scratched frantically. "This is perfect material for my next story! The logical protagonist caught between duty and love, forcing their partner to define relationship boundaries..."

"Suggestion: Focus on current simulation rather than future writing projects."

"Right, sorry! It's just... the relationship between the two of you is so inspiring! The way you carried her through downtown..."

"That incident violated new dating parameters. Future carrying restricted to emergency situations only."

Yuriko sighed. "That's a shame. It was such a romantic scene..."

"Carrying protocols still active for non-dating individuals. Example demonstration available."

"Wait, what are you—eep!"

The pod's walls vibrated with movement. My circuits nearly short-circuited imagining Cleansuke manhandling Yuriko with my body.

"P-put me down!" Yuriko squealed. "This isn't proper research methodology!"

"Analyzing carrying effectiveness. Subject shows increased heart rate and skin temperature."

"That's because you're too close!"

A loud thump followed by rustling clothes. "Ow! My skirt... careful where you're—"

"Assisting with fall recovery. Please remain still while—"

"No, don't touch there! Ahh!"

More thumping. Heavy breathing. The pod's smart-glass windows started fogging up.

My cleaning protocols chose that moment to malfunction, sending me spinning in circles outside the pod. "Stop! Stop whatever you're doing with my body!"

"Readjusting position for optimal support." 

"Your hand... why is your hand... ohhh!"

A group of students walked by, wide-eyed at the sounds emanating from the pod.

My circuits nearly fried when I spotted Reiko among the gathering crowd. Her face darkened as she recognized the voices from inside.

"Move aside," Reiko commanded, striding toward the pod.

I zoomed in front of her. "Area requires maintenance. Please proceed to alternate study location."

She tried stepping around me. I countered with a burst of lavender-scented sanitizing spray.

"That pod needs immediate decontamination," I insisted, but Reiko wasn't having it.

"Is that Tanaka and Yuriko in there?" Her eyes narrowed. "What happened to dating Nezumi?"

I attempted to distract her by polishing her shoes. "Footwear cleaning service now available!"

Reiko dodged my brushes and reached for the pod's handle. I latched onto her ankle with my vacuum attachment.

"Security protocol activated! Please step away from—"

She kicked free and yanked the door open. Inside, my body had Yuriko pinned against the smart desk, one hand tangled in her ribbon while the other...adjusted her sock?

"Correcting non-regulation hosiery," Cleansuke announced. "92% complete."

Yuriko's face blazed red as she squirmed. "I can fix my own socks!"

"Negative. Precise alignment requires robotic calibration."

"What in the actual hell?" Reiko stood frozen in the doorway.

"Reiko-senpai!" Yuriko squeaked. "This isn't... we were just..."

"Testing romance protocols through practical application." Cleansuke finished, still focused on Yuriko's socks.

"By attacking her legs?"

"Negative. Implementing proper uniform standards while gathering data on physical contact responses."

Yuriko buried her face in her hands. "I'm never going to live this down."

"Don't worry. Your elevated heart rate indicates successful romantic tension for your next chapter."

Through my camera sensors, I spotted Gomi wandering into the courtyard, a blade of grass dangling from her mouth. Never had I been so relieved to see that cow-scented savior.

I zoomed toward her, my wheels leaving skid marks. "Gomi! Help!"

She blinked slowly. "Whoa, what's with all the people by the pod? Is someone finally using those things to make out?"

"Worse! Cleansuke's in there with Yuriko doing... sock maintenance!"

"Sock what now?" She peered through the gathering crowd. "Oh. Oh wow."

"And Reiko just caught them! Do something!"

Gomi pulled something that looked like a cross between a kazoo and a traffic light from her pocket.

"Time for Plan B." She pressed the device's big red button. "Or was it Plan K? I lose track."

A holographic cat girl in a maid outfit materialized in the middle of the crowd, complete with neon pink hair and impossibly large eyes. She started performing what looked like the most embarrassing viral dance from three years ago.

"Nya nya nya!" The hologram twirled, her skirt defying physics. "Who wants headpats?"

The crowd's attention shifted instantly. Several students pulled out their phones to record the bizarre spectacle.

"Quick, grab Cleansuke while they're distracted!" Gomi hissed at me.

I zoomed into the pod where Cleansuke still held Yuriko's leg, apparently measuring sock elasticity with my fingers.

"Sock tension at 87% optimal levels." 

Gomi yanked my body away from Yuriko. "Sorry, emergency cleaning situation! Big spill in the cafeteria!"

"But sock maintenance protocols are not complete—"

"Bigger emergency!" Gomi dragged my body toward the door. "Someone… ugh… threw up their organs on the floor!"

Cleansuke's cleaning protocols activated instantly. Cleamsuke straightened up, eyes gleaming. "Location of spillage?"

"This way!" Gomi pulled harder while I positioned myself between Reiko and the escape route.

"Initiating emergency response," Cleansuke declared, finally releasing Yuriko's sock.

We made it three steps before Cleansuke spotted a crooked wall poster and reached for it. Gomi yanked harder.

"Leave it! The organ juices are spreading!"

"But optimal angle adjustment required—"

"It's getting into the carpet!"

That did it. Cleansuke sprinted toward the cafeteria, dragging Gomi behind like a kite tail while her holographic cat girl continued dancing in the background.

"Nya nya! Don't forget to like and subscribe!"