Was She Just a Mirage?

I pull Cliff to the side.

“Hey buddy, we’ve got everything buttoned up for today, so I’m gonna head out. There just needs to be security lined up in the southern quadrant and someone to walk the border again, make sure the gates are locked, etc. You know, the usual.”

“No worries, Boss. I’m on it. I already have my men doing that as we speak” His grin is wide. I’m not sure he knows how to talk without a smile on his face. Kudos to him. I guess if you’re gonna constantly be stationed in hell, you might as well be there with a smile on your face.

“I just hate leaving on the first day, normally I would spend the first few nights at the station here.” There’s just no friggin' way I can go another day without seeing her. My mind is swimming with worry, hoping she and her mother are alright.

His chunky arm comes up, his elbow jabbing me in the ribs. It hurts but I keep myself from jerking away. The big brute doesn’t know his own strength. “So, Sir… Big date?” “Yep. Well, no, um… not exactly.” I had better keep my trap shut. That’s the last thing I need is rumors to be spreading around about me.

“It’s fine Sir. It’s hard to remember - apart from this job - that we’re human after all. But you don’t have to share. I get it. It’s personal.” He goes to nudge me again but this time I lean back a step, taking just a portion of his overly tanned forearm against my ribcage. He notices the jerk, apologizing all over himself. I think he’s gone through this before. I imagine a giant like him has been told multiple times to watch his own strength. I pity the women he’s with. Then again…

“Cliff, is there somewhere I could take a quick shower?” My tunic’s been plastered to my skin for at least half of the day, practically becoming a second layer of skin. I have no doubt the anti-sweat spray I used this morning has met its match with this God-forsaken land.

Cliff’s arm stretches out, ushering me down a well-worn, cobblestone path. We’re leaving the main city square, taking several turns down narrow, only walkable, lanes. All the buildings in this area are stucco, or some form of similar materials. Tans and beige tones, beautiful colors, matching the dried brush in the fields. Adobe. That’s what it reminds me of. The places in the south, I’ve seen them in Arizona mainly. Where homes are carved out of sandstone mountains.

Many of the Old World’s buildings have been disintegrating as the heat intensifies. City blocks are bulldozed down, the earth is stirred up, and brick and mortar, or lumber homes have been replaced with the more stable adobe style homes. The shaped earth helps keep the homes cooler. Most places look like prairie dog towns as they’ve burrowed into the dried-out earth, leaving as little as possible above ground.

No one would recognize this place as the former city of Topeka.

Cliff stops abruptly. I almost smack into him. My mind has struggled to stay focused all day, now it’s free-falling. Within an hour I’m gonna be with her and I’m crawling out of my skin to see her again. We haven’t been together - in the Biblical way - but it doesn’t mean I don’t fantasize about it. Every freakin' night!

When it comes to thoughts of her, I don’t put up a fight. I know I’m royally screwed. Thing is… I love feeling this way - even though it scares the crap out of me.

The door to his quarters opens wide and Cliff offers up everything I’ll need before he bids me a cordial goodnight. “When are you done?” I want to engage with him. I felt bad for drifting off while we walked over here.

“I’m through in an hour.” He’s standing near the entrance. There’s a small courtyard that’s gated, keyed entry only. Housing for the security team. He leans against the gate, slipping his hand in his pocket.

“Long days.” I’m still struggling to make small talk. My brain is mush. “They’re always long on the first few days.” Cliff pulls out a small tin, flipping it open and shoving a pinch of snuff in between his lips and gums. I hate the stuff, but he's giving me a solid by letting me use his quarters –after all, I am officially off so I keep my trap shut. The lid locks shut, and the tin gets shoved into his back pocket.

“Yeah, sorry for bailing early. I just had these plans made before I knew we were starting here today. They changed up the schedule on me –just a couple days ago.” I’m stepping in place, nervous energy soaring through my veins. You’d think I would be standing on molten lava with the way my legs keep shifting back and forth. Cliff just stays leaning back, his arms are now folded across that mammoth chest of his.

“Don’t you hate when they mess with things?”

“I know, right! They sit in their offices…”

“Yeah, and think they know what it’s like in the real world!” Cliff finishes my thoughts. We both laugh. He stands straight again, obviously deciding I’m just trying to make nice with him and then he turns, waving his heavy arm behind him, his way of saying goodbye. “See ya tomorrow, Buddy!” I call after him. “For sure Boss.” His boisterous voice rumbles off the stone walls. I chuckle to myself. He’s a good guy.

-

I stand naked and exposed in Shade and Cliff’s shower. Not having a clue how to turn the water on. What kind of an idiot am I? These make-shift stations for security are temporary shelters, not offering much in the order of convenience, and I’m not used to doing everything myself. I’m used to my place. Where everything is done for you. Everything is perfect there. I sigh.

They continue to modernize everything to a point I don’t know how to operate them. I’d be embarrassed if I wasn’t alone. I hate how soft I've become when I compare myself to the way of life for all those hundreds of millions of people that are still living with the bare-bone necessities. Almost half the population of the world is still struggling to get by every day. I was one of the lucky ones, I forget that sometimes.

Maybe my internal mutterings about Beginning should be quieted a little. I guess I’ve come to expect things a certain way. I guess I’m actually a spoiled dick.

-

Here, the water coming out of the shower head is but a dribble. The stall is the size of a phone booth. I don’t know how Cliff or Shade manage when I can’t even lift up my arm without smacking the wall. They must feel like a cork in a bottle when they shower. The poor guys. They’ve been stationed here for over a month already. And yet they’re not bitter. They’re fun-loving, yet very professional. A new, well-earned respect falls over me.

I, on the other hand, fumble through, grumbling as I change into some fresh clothes. The heat is already causing perspiration. The weather never even cooled down as it got later. The sun’s rays just bake the earth, so heat stays, rising up like an oven continuing to hold in the warm temperatures. I could have fried up a beautiful porterhouse this afternoon, all I needed was a decent sized rock and I’d have a perfect steak. I laugh at myself, maybe I’ll bring some fresh meat tomorrow and test my theory out. The gang would get a kick out of that.

Sweat is already beading on my forehead and temples, not to mention wicking into my fresh tunic. Buildings here don't have air purification or cooling. Especially in the temporary shelters. So, they’re either cooking or freezing, there never seems to be an in between. They rely on portable air conditioners in the temporary shelters which do little for overall cooling since they’re only allowed in a single room. The rest of the Adobe dwellings rely solely on the earth offering any semblance of comfort.

I look around on shelves and in drawers. I can’t see it, so I assume they don’t have the government issued anti-perspirant that all citizens in Beginning have. It’s wonderful. An all over body spray that absorbs perspiration, redistributing it and releasing it into the air all while keeping your skin smooth and dry. But even it can't hold back the heat and perspiration from a full day here.

Today was tough. By the end of the day, we all smelled like something the cat hawked up –but they definitely had a head start on me. Ripeness was the order of the day.

I stop in front of the mirror one last time, run my fingers through my damp hair, and use some of Cliff’s cologne before I head out. Nerves are already set to hyper-alert. Thoughts of seeing her cause my heart to slam against my ribcage, trying desperately to break free.

The sun is lowering to a point where it’s almost eye level, so I pull down my Aviators and look around the area. Everything is quiet now; my crew is busy finishing buttoning up the processing stations for the night.

Over half have already clocked out for the day. Not Kendahl though, he’s standing over by the item-processing tables, his tablet in hand, probably taking a final inventory for the day.

He glances up, like he can sense me walking his way. A smirk crawls across his face. My cheeks flush like I’m embarrassed, trying to hide something from him. He laughs. He knows me too well.

“Heading out, are we?” His eyebrows raise as he sniffs the air like a bloodhound.

I smack his arm. “Shut the Flack up!”

“Mmmm, Spices and…” His chin raises, his nose takes in a deep inhale. “Oooo, some musk.” He laughs… Rather loudly. I hit his arm again, jostling him, as he takes a step back to steady himself.

“Well, at least one of us is gonna get some tonight.” His arm drops to his side, his tablet resting against his thigh. I love this guy. He’s one of the reasons that makes me love my job. Whenever I’m in a bad mood, his crinkled eyes and dimpled smile raise my serotonin levels.

“I’m not getting anything. That’s not what this is about.” His words are easy to rebut, but with all my heart, I hope I get some tonight. I would never tell him that, I’d never hear the end of it. His one eyebrow now raises as the side of his lip raises in unison. “Yeah Boss, whatever you say.” That steely gaze of his stays on me. “Why have you been so edgy all day? And why do you look like the cat who swallowed that delicious canary? Especially now, after a long hot day!”

I shake my head. “I don’t have time for your stupid banter, I have an evening planned.” “An evening you say? I rest my case.” My eyes roll as I shake my head again. “Alright then… Boss, see ya in the morning.” He glances back at his tablet and then raises his eyes as I turn to leave, bidding me to have a great night. I laugh it off but keep walking. “Don’t stay too late, you’ve got a full house waiting for you.” “Why do you think I’m still here!” He hollers back. I chuckle.

I don't get even thirty steps away when Decker, Calvary’s boyfriend, bebops over to me. His arm raised in greeting even before he's close enough to talk. I wave back, grinning. “What's up Bro? Everything okay? Did the line shades get taken down for the night? I don't want what happened in Sioux Falls to happen again.” “Yeah Boss, they’ve been taken down, but in all fairness, the Sioux Falls situation wasn't my fault and you know that. It’d been still as a fence post for days. Who knew all the shade covers would be ripped to shreds and that we'd lose most of them due to a freak storm passing through.”

“I'm not saying it was anybody's fault, but that was a lot of finagling I had to do to get approval for a hundred and seventy shade covers. Just don't want to do that again and end up looking like a friggin' idiot. Besides, we definitely can see the rapid changes in the weather, I'm sure freak storms are gonna become the norm before we know it.”

I slap Decker's back, and he lets out a jolly laugh. “We’ve done… how many cities since then? Are you ever gonna to let me live that down?” I shrug. “I think there’s still some mileage on that F-up. I’ll let you know when I think it’s finally run its course.”

He just shakes his head, changing the subject. “Are you bugging out?” He grabs ahold of my wrist and twists it, checking my watch. It's seven twenty-three. He looks back at me. “Not early, but early for you to be all cleaned up, looking like a shiny new penny.” We both hesitate, thinking on that. “Isn't it weird to know that the next generation won't have a clue what that even means.” We shake our heads in unison. “Doesn’t sound as cool to say looking like a shiny new gem.” We both laugh at that.

“And yes, to answer your question, I'm heading out now. If I stick around any longer, my penny is gonna melt.” “Going to her place?” He gives me a nudge and a wink. “Yes A-hole, for your information I'm heading out to her place as soon as you shut your pie-hole and let me leave.” His hands raise in the air in surrender. “Don’t ever let it be said that I'd hold up a man on his way to his gal.” “You're such an idiot.” I slap his back. “Hey. Give Cal a kiss for me.” “Don't worry Al, I'll give her a lot more than a kiss.” “Oh god. Shut up! Don't connect me to anything you're thinking about in that deranged brain. Jeez, I can’t...” His whole body starts shaking in laughter as his hands slap against his thighs.

“Oh, you’re a riot!” I brush myself off as I turn to head to my car, shaking my head as Decker is completely cracking up behind me, telling me I need to get a little of what he's thinking, myself. “You’re an Idiot!” I call out, not turning back.

-

My car slows as I approach the tree lined boulevard. This place is an oasis within a desert land. The streets are all cobblestone, but not like the ones further south that are worn down so much, they’ve almost become dust. These are beautiful, colorful, like the few buildings that are still here.

The place is deserted. But it hasn’t been long enough for things to start showing signs of decay. Although, if you look closely, you can see the beginnings of nature starting to reclaim the land. Small cracks in mortar now house ivy, crawling its way upward. A few broken store windows, along with clutter and debris inside entrances and along a few streets, are starting to tarnish this beautiful town.

It’s hard to believe it, but the air is still damp here. I’d forgotten what humidity was like. I used to hate it, working on the farm, getting so stinking sweaty, but tonight, I drop the windows as I move slowly through the town, relishing the cool, damp, air. The river and its tributaries are still flowing at a somewhat rapid pace. That’s only because it’s located in an area at the base of some pretty decent hills, protecting this land from the scorching sun.

This place isn’t like 99% of all the other towns and cities we’ve helped transition. It still had access to water, and, being as close to the three lakes and several rivers, the ground was still workable, yielding nice crops when people still lived here. Everyone here has moved on to Beginning. Everyone except for Elspeth and her ailing mother. They stayed behind. I know, it’s unheard of. I should have never allowed it. But… I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t about to force her and her mother from the only place they’ve ever called home, especially during such a vulnerable time.

What she’s dealing with is more than what should be on anyone’s plate. Losing her father and her husband, all within the last three years, and now her mother’s ailment that doesn’t have a good prognosis. I feel for her. I really do. And I’m so grateful that we found each other. I hope I can be the shoulder she needs to lean on. I’ve never been that for a woman, ever. And that thought scares and excites me equally.

The two of them have been alone in their little cottage for so long now, they aren’t even affected by their town being relocated. This place is beautiful, and still capable of producing food and water.

I can still remember it crystal clear, as often as it plays through my mind, on a continuous loop. The day I first met her. Elspeth’s town had completely cleared out and the caravan had stopped coming several months before, but for some strange reason, I kept being drawn to this quaint little town. I didn’t know why –until the day I saw her. She had been standing just at the edge of the tree-lined creek where I had been spending my free time.

It had some decently sized trout, with a few bass and lots of sunfish. I had gone there a handful of times. I guess it just reminded me of what my hometown was like. I used to fish and hangout at a little creek near the bottom of our pasture, so this place felt nostalgic. I pulled out my old poll, dug out my tackle box that I got as a birthday present when I turned twelve, and headed to the creek on my days off. I'd sit on the bank, trying my luck at fishing.

That day - the day I met her - the weather was perfect there. I wasn’t used to having good weather outside of Beginning’s borders, so this was a real treat. My eye caught a glimpse of her bending down, picking berries or something on the opposite side of the creek, a few meters up from me, and I was taken aback. She was so striking in her white cotton dress that floated over her body so effortlessly, I was positive she was a mirage or some type of vision I was having, thinking maybe the weather was hotter than I realized.

When she straightened, I watched in awe as her long, auburn hair flung over her shoulder and she spun herself, lifting her arm up to gather and sweep it all back off her face. It was so thick and wavy, and I was obsessed.

I caught her eye and she flinched, I’m sure surprised to see someone there. The frightened look on her face reminded me of when I would startle an animal in the woods where I grew up. Her deep brown eyes looked black from where I was sitting, and it just killed me to see the terror on her face –solely from my presence there. Instantly I scrambled to my feet, raising my arms, trying to let her know I wasn’t dangerous. She looked all around her and I realized she was contemplating dropping her small pail and dashing off, but I called out a stupid hello, hoping I wouldn’t scare her off.

“It's alright!” I called out to her. “I'm not dangerous… just fishing here!” I held my poll in the air like some stupid idiot. She didn't move, not a shift or a sigh, or even a flinch when a gust of wind whipped a large section of her hair in front of her face.

My hands stayed in the air, one free, the other still holding my poll, as I started taking slow, purposeful steps in her direction. It honestly felt like I had found a stray and was trying to coax it into letting me help it. She still didn't move a muscle as her dark eyes stayed focused on me.

I was a little over a meter away when I opened my mouth again. “Hi! I'm Alister. I'm just fishing in the creek… here, um… you know. There’s a surprising amount of fish… um, here.” Shut up idiot!

Finally, her arm raised as her hand swept over the several strands that were over her left eye, getting blown around, and tucked them safely behind her ear again. She smiled at me and that was it. I was done for.

The way she looked at me sent me sailing off into orbit. God! She was a beautiful sight for sore eyes. She pulled a hair clip from being clipped to her satchel, moved and shifted her gorgeous auburn hair, pulling it back loosely with the clip, stray whisps immediately were caught on the breeze, pulling free and floating back over her face. I watched in fascination as she chased after them, blowing out a frustrated breath. Her smile widened in her irritation and little lines formed at her eyes that were sparkling in the sunlight.

I did a quick study of her, noticing that her cheeks were speckled with freckles, and her lashes… God almighty. They were so lush that I noticed every time she batted them in frustration. I found myself almost losing it. I was positive I had never seen such a beautiful woman before. And there wasn’t a hint of makeup, it was all her, completely natural and glowing, and stunning!

My eyes did a slow drop, looking over her body. I had to fight with myself to not imagine her out of her cotton dress. I don’t do that. I’m not a pervert! But with her… she made my walls crumble away with just a simple glance and a smile –how she did that to me, I have no idea. She hadn't even spoken to me, and I already felt like I'd tear myself open, exposing all that I am for her to see and to love.

And, surprisingly, I wanted that in return. I’m not romantic, I don’t get relationships, so the fact that I was already having these thoughts about a woman who hadn't even spoken to me yet was utter lunacy. If I didn’t believe in romance, I sure as hell didn’t believe in love at first sight.

Until today.

-

After some light conversation, and once I think she figured I wasn’t an axe murderer, she invited me back to their cottage. And I got to meet her mother. Which was a lot for a first date (and yes, I'm the one who deemed that's what it was.) Everything with her was so easy. She was a free spirit, open and honest… not housing a manipulative bone in her body.

Those first visits were full of learning about each other. For some apparent reason, that I wasn’t privy to, she seemed to like me. She welcomed me into her little home, and it felt like we had never been strangers. We jumped in with both feet, swimming in the deep, calm, waters as we got to know one another.

Even now, after some time, I still find myself craving those feelings whenever I’m away from her. Feelings of being open and intimate with this woman. Allowing her to see the vulnerable side of me.

Our chance encounter was a little over two months ago already, and I’ve tried to move heaven and earth to allow the two of them to stay in their home, plus I’ve come out to see them as often as possible –without drawing any attention. They’re protected in their little cocoon, sealed off from the rest of the harsh world. And I will make sure they stay that way while they walk through the hardest journey of their lives.

-

My travel unit hovers over the narrow roads, I keep it in low gear, not making any real impact on the environment. This town is one of the very few where I actually felt bad that its citizens had to leave. It holds the quintessential old town vibes. There had been a booming downtown, where people parked in the city lot and walked from store to store. Residents knew their neighbors, and business owners were friends as well as colleagues.

To me, this was the perfect place to live. It reminded me too much of my home. Except our small town - on the outskirts of the city - had been struck with the drought of 2283. That had a devastating effect on our town and the nearby city we went to, to do all our shopping.

Things got so bad Beginning bumped us to the head of the line. Good thing too. As it was, many perished before the last of us were transported. I had stayed behind, helping manage the Relocation Process. My time there, helping out, was part of the reason I had been chosen and then tutored, being encouraged to work in the position I’m in today.

As I leave the town behind me, the sky is getting more vibrant the closer the sun reaches the horizon. With the changes in our atmosphere, the sun seems to linger longer in the sky than it used to, which is part of why the earth is slowly drying up and dying, the earth slowing on its axis. I pull my Aviators back down from the top of my head until the woods become so dense, I can barely see two feet in front of me.

-

Finally, I arrive, as my travel unit slowly drops to the ground. There are no charging units here, obviously, it’s practically untouched, far from using any form of technology. I kind of like that about this place. It’s like a dream world. I feel it the second my feet hit the earth. The magic of this place still lingers like friendly ghosts haunting no one. I know it’s not magical - there’s no such thing - but it sure has a feeling of serenity. She has the feeling of serenity. It oozes from her whole body.

I walk the rest of the way. It feels good to unwind a little, breathe deep, enjoy the tranquility. The sunlight shoots in through the trees and branches like sharp spotlights forcing out the darkness. The skin on my neck prickles, probably from feeling so defenseless and alone in this place. It’s actually so lush here. Undergrowth is knee high further in.

They’re home is tucked deep into the forest. Nestled near a riverbed with towering oaks and maples and aspens. There’s an old logger's road that cuts through the trees and her place is off from that road about three hundred steps or so. It’s probably another reason I let them stay. It’s so tranquil, no one around to disturb. This town, these woods –makes me homesick for my real home.

I wasn’t concerned about them staying behind, I knew they could live off the land… at least long enough for her mother to pass in peace; on her own land, in her own bed, with her daughter by her side. That’s what this time is all about. A time for remembering, and a time to come to terms with the great loss she’ll have to go through.

They’ve lived off the land all of Elspeth’s life, or so she tells me. They - she - can handle most things that would come their way. She sold herself to me, convincing me they would be fine and things wouldn’t be much different for them compared to when the town was still bustling. It didn't take much convincing for me to cave to her wishes.

Their time here shouldn’t be much longer. Unfortunately. Yet, the thought of her being able to come back with me makes my heart soar. How is it that one moment can bring so much sadness, yet is filled with so much hope? I hate that I have those feelings, but I desperately want to start a new life. A life with her as my wife.

I know we’ve only known each other for a few short months, heck, we’ve only seen each other like, um…a dozen times. But each time has felt like a lifetime together. It’s like we’ve known each other in another life. We must be soul mates. Nothing else makes sense. Nothing has ever felt like this –for me anyways. She hasn’t actually shared her deepest thoughts with me concerning us. But I sense she feels the same way.

-

A strong breeze kicks up, swirling a smattering of dried leaves from the forest floor, spinning and landing across the path that I’m now on. I pause, taking in a deep breath. There’s nothing like the smell of the beginning of autumn. Especially at this time of year when some trees have started to drop their leaves while most of the forest is still alive and green.

There’s a sound of crunching coming from behind me. I hunch down, dropping the bag of oranges I bought for them. My hand goes to my taser. Only those of us in precarious jobs are assigned tasers. I’ve never had to use it though.

Into the open, a doe and her fawn of this spring walk out, pausing at the path. She looks around, spotting me and then chuffs at me. Stamping her hoof into the hard-packed path. I raise my arms, showing her, I mean them no harm. Another chuff comes from her before the two of them make their way across.

The young fawn’s huge saucer eyes stare at me as it pauses for a moment before it toddles after its mother, crossing over the path, skipping into the woods, disappearing. It still has a smattering of faint spots on its back. I wonder if I’m the first human it has ever seen. There aren’t people around here anymore. At least not since this youngster was born.

I stand, rake my hand through my hair, let out a ragged breath, and finish my trek further into the woods. I hate to admit it, but that startled me a little. My mind had shifted gears, and I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone out here. I guess I’m a little paranoid. I’m breaking all the rules by allowing them to stay, and I know that I’d be severely punished if they were found still living out here. It’s been months since their city was evacuated, I have no excuses.

I finally reach their place.

Their home –well, it’s a cottage, made up of logs from the forest and mud from the riverbed,

It’s cozy, but it looks pretty haphazardly put together. I shake my head, remembering the first time she brought me to her place. I had a million splendid ideas to help make it more efficient. Even more weather-proofed, offering to install some upgrades. Every time I’d suggest something new; she’d give me that soft smile of hers, thank me, and tell me they’re very happy with their living quarters and that they didn’t need much, just the basics, and I needed to learn to let her have her life here. For as long as I could possibly allow it.

Living in Beginning for six years, I struggled with that mind-set. That less could be more. Yet, that was a big part of what drew me to her in the first place. She has such a peace about her. It’s deep inside of her. Like a renewing spring that’s always bringing forth new life. It’s like nothing I’ve ever known before.

She - of all the people I’ve ever had in my life - was the only one who calmed my spirit. That was –until recently. Now my spirit races just at the thought of her. God, I need to be with her. Biblically, I’m talking. How can one person drag you to your calm place but then hurl you into the steamy volcano that’s just beneath the surface, dying to explode.

It’s not like we haven’t talked about it; she’d made it clear to me that she wants to be with me almost as badly as I want to be with her, but with the size of their cottage, and her ailing mother’s bedroom just off the living room. It hasn’t been possible. Elspeth doesn’t even have her own bedroom. She sleeps on a pull-out couch, smack dab in the middle of the living room.

The whole place is basically one room, with the bedroom and a bathroom off from the kitchen and living area. I wasn’t sure when we’d ever be together in that way. And it just makes me sick to think It might not happen until after her mother passes. Again, I chastise myself. Wanting to have that privacy yet not wishing this heartache to fall upon Elspeth.

----

I find myself silently standing, staring at the most beautiful scene. Elspeth, leaning over the riverbed, washing out laundry. Her auburn hair trailing down her back and over her shoulder as the wind effortlessly picks it up, twirling it around, and resting it back over her shoulder. She doesn’t know I’m here. The river runs fast in this particular spot, drowning out most sounds when you're near it. It isn’t deep, but it moves swiftly.

I fight with myself, because on one hand, I want to touch her so badly my fingers are aching. On the other hand, I could stand here and watch into the evening as her body shifts and moves while she rubs a blouse over a washboard, allowing the water to flow over it, time and time again. She shifts, twisting and wringing out the cotton material before standing to drape it over a nearby branch. She spots me. Our eyes meet and fireworks are set off.

“Alister.”

My name is spoken in a breath of relief. It floats over me, grounding me and equally stirring me up. I stride over to her in a handful of steps, taking hold of her, pulling her into me. Her head drops, resting against my chest as her arms solidly wrap around me. I’m not a hugger, but her arms around me and mine around her is the most natural position. A place I could live for the rest of my life.

I hold her close to me, never ever wanting to let her go. Her hair smells fresh and also of the scent of fall. I kiss the top of her head, and she snuggles herself even closer to me, her fingers grasping my shirt as she fists it in her hands, so relieved to see me, as if every time I leave, I might not return. I love feeling her desperation to hold me, to be close to me. She grounds me. She stills my heart and yet makes me feel like I could do anything.

Finally, after our wonderful embrace, she lifts her head. Her eyes are sparkling bursts of fire. They dance for me. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. I bend as my hands come up, taking hold of her face, tilting her head just slightly so our lips will match perfectly. A soft breath escapes her and I moan as we touch. Lip to lip, tongue to tongue.

Her hands come up, clasping the base of my neck, her fingers working their way up into my hairline. She pulls me even closer to her. We don’t break apart. We share each other’s breaths. Our hearts begin beating as one. My one arm drops, running alongside her ribs, slipping down over her backside. I lightly give it a squeeze and she lets out a throaty moan.

It’s been a week and three days since the last time we were together, and it could just as well have been a year for as slowly as the days have dragged on. I had spent most of the week in conferences, and meetings, and planning committees, all in preparation for the Relocation Process. There’s not much I detest more than conferences, meetings, and planning committees! All these people ever want to do is talk about how to make things better, more efficient. Most of them have no concept of what needs to be done. But, as part of my job, I need to sit there, share information, and try to put in my two cent’s worth. Huh! That’s another saying that’ll soon die off.

But tonight, all of that washes away as I stare at her, being thankful that we’re here, together again. These are the moments I’ve been living for. Ever since the first day I laid eyes on her it’s been like this for me. I want to tell her I love her. I do! I know it hasn’t been very long, but I love her with my whole being. The truth is… absence does make the heart grow fonder.

I’ve never felt this way for a woman. Ever. And I’ve been with plenty. I hate that I’m afraid though. I’m almost positive she feels the same way, but I don’t want to risk what we have together by pushing her. She has her mother to tend to. And her mother has to come first. I need to remind myself that this - what we have here - needs to be enough. At least for now. It’s a hard line to tow when I have her in my arms like this. But I’ll do my best to try and be a caring, loving human being. It’s a role I’ve never played.