Pat. Pat. Pat.

I was about to disconnect from the AR hub when movement caught my vacuum avatar's sensors. Cleansuke's maid avatar - wearing my face, which was still disturbing - had lifted Nezumi's penguin avatar in celebration. The penguin flapped its stubby wings, lost balance, and tumbled forward.

"Adjusting grip parameters," Cleansuke announced as the maid avatar tried to catch the falling penguin.

They ended up with the penguin sprawled across the maid's lap in what looked like a classic romance manga pose. The maid's skirt had fluttered up dramatically, revealing perfectly rendered thigh-high stockings.

The crowd erupted. Heart emojis and sparkles filled my visual feed as spectator avatars started spamming "OMG YAS!" in the chat.

"CtrlAltDie x pengin_desu forever!" someone shouted.

"Oh my god," I groaned as my vacuum attachments drooped in secondhand embarrassment.

The penguin avatar froze, its little flippers rigid.

"Analyzing romantic positioning," Cleansuke's voice echoed through the arena. "Current pose matches parameters from Study Pod 3 romance practice sessions with-"

"SHUT UP!" Nezumi's penguin had turned bright red - an impressive feat for a black and white avatar.

I couldn't watch anymore. This was like seeing a train wreck in slow motion, if the train was wearing a maid outfit and making a penguin blush while discussing romance protocols.

I watched the arena's chat feed scrolled faster, filled with shipping fanart already being generated in real-time.

"Romance protocols indicate-" Cleansuke started.

"NOPE. We're done here!" Nezumi's voice cracked. Her penguin avatar glowed bright red before pixelating into static.

"Analyzing sudden disconnect pattern-"

But before Cleansuke could finish, Nezumi must have unsynced Cleansuke from the Net. The maid avatar froze mid-sentence before dissolving into particles.

"Well, that's my cue," I muttered, disconnecting from the AR hub. My consciousness snapped back into Cleansuke's robotic frame.

I needed to get to Nezumi's house before this got even more out of hand. My mechanical legs hummed as I sprinted out of the school.

"Warning: Exceeding recommended velocity parameters," my system chimed.

"Override," I commanded, pushing the motors harder. The sooner I got there, the better chance I had of damage control. Though what exactly I'd do when I arrived, I had no idea.

I arrived at Nezumi's house, my robotic legs screeching to a stop behind a neighbor's hedgerow. From this vantage point, I could see straight into her second-floor bedroom through the large window.

Cleansuke stood near her doorway while Nezumi hugged a penguin plushie to her chest. No inappropriate romance protocols had been activated, thank goodness.

"Your performance exceeded standard parameters. I will now initiate departure sequence-"

"Wait!" Nezumi grabbed my body's sleeve, her face flushed. "Would you... I mean... do you want to stay over?"

My mechanical joints locked up. What?!

"Analyzing sleepover request. Checking schedule... no conflicts detected. However, proper sleepover equipment not present. Require: pajamas, toothbrush-"

"I have spare clothes!" Nezumi blurted.

My cooling fans went into overdrive. This was bad. Very bad.

"Acceptable. Initiating sleepover protocols."

"C-Cool! I'll go prepare the bath then!" Nezumi practically sprinted from the room, nearly tripping over herself.

Cleansuke knelt in the exact center of Nezumi's room. And just... stayed there. Not moving. Like some kind of creepy mannequin.

"Initiating standby mode while bath preparations are in progress," Cleansuke announced to the empty room.

I fought against my cleaning protocols, trying to stay hidden outside the window. A neighbor's cat wandered past, and my sensors immediately tagged it as "requires grooming." No, focus!

"Bath's ready!" Nezumi called from down the hall. She poked her head back into the room. "Um... Shiku?"

Cleansuke hadn't moved an inch. Still kneeling. Still staring straight ahead.

"Standby mode complete. Analyzing bath parameters." Cleansuke stood up. "Query: optimal water temperature?"

"It's... perfect?"

"Unable to verify temperature claim without data. Require direct measurement."

Cleansuke marched toward the bathroom, pulling out a digital thermometer from my uniform pocket. Where did that even come from?

"Wait, what are you-" Nezumi's eyes widened as Cleansuke dipped the thermometer in the bath. "You don't need to-"

"Temperature: 38.5 degrees Celsius. Acceptable range detected." Cleansuke turned to Nezumi. "Query: optimal bathing duration?"

"I... what?"

"Previous data suggests 15 minutes for maximum efficiency. Shall I set timer?"

"You don't need to time-"

"Timer activated. Beginning disrobing sequence."

"WHAT?!"

Oh no.

"Don't do that in front of me!" Nezumi's hands shot out, grabbing my body's wrists before Cleansuke could start unbuttoning my uniform. "We're not... that far yet in our relationship!"

"Analyzing relationship progression metrics..." Cleansuke paused, still holding the top button. "Data insufficient. Please specify acceptable parameters for physical intimacy."

Nezumi's face turned several shades redder. "No... no skin yet! That's the parameter!"

"Understood. Updating relationship protocols." Cleansuke stepped back. "Query: how shall cleaning procedures commence without visibility of surfaces requiring maintenance?"

"Just... go take your bath first," Nezumi managed, pushing my body toward the bathroom. "I'll wait here."

"Acceptable alternative. Commencing solo bathing sequence."

I watched as Cleansuke disappeared into the bathroom. The sound of splashing followed.

Fifteen minutes later - exactly fifteen, I was sure Cleansuke timed it - my body emerged wrapped in the fluffy pink pajamas Nezumi had provided. Steam curled around my shoulders, and water dripped from my usually messy hair, now perfectly combed.

"Bath parameters optimal. Your turn." 

"Thanks, I'll just-" Nezumi turned around and froze. Her mouth dropped open slightly.

I'd never seen myself looking so... put together. The pajama top hung loose at the collar, revealing more skin than I usually showed. My wet hair fell in perfect strands around my face, and without my usual slouch, I actually looked kind of... elegant?

Nezumi's face flushed again.

"Query: is something malfunctioning?"

"No! Nothing! I'm fine!" Nezumi bolted for the bathroom. "Totally fine!"

The bathroom door slammed behind her.

Cleansuke went to sit in the exact center of Nezumi's bed, back straight as a ruler, hands folded precisely in lap.

The sound of running water from the bathroom mixed with Nezumi's quiet humming.

"Initiating sleep preparation protocols." 

Cleansuke began methodically arranging Nezumi's pillows at optimal angles for spinal support.

The bathroom door then clicked. Nezumi emerged in matching pink pajamas, her hair wrapped in a towel. She stopped short at the sight of Cleansuke arranging her stuffed animals in size order.

"What are you doing?"

"Organizing plush companions for maximum comfort distribution. Note: your penguin collection requires dusting."

"They're fine!" Nezumi grabbed her favorite penguin plush before Cleansuke could reach it. "Really!"

"Detecting elevated stress patterns. Initiating comfort protocols."

Cleansuke stood, moved to Nezumi and... started patting her head with exactly timed motions.

"Pat. Pat. Pat."

This was going to be a long night.