(Episode X) (Act 2)

But that scene was attacked. She was having a positive thought for once, after all.

Jackie snapped back into focus, back to the reality of seeing people camp out on ruined sidewalks, impersonable men in suits, and it’s breakage just blocks away behind her.

But she was still in her head. Trapped within the trauma that was laid out right in front of her.

It was… Nathan? Nathan, but as a complete siVis monster. Last of his humanity just flaked off like caked in dandruff, and a pulsating, tumorous hide was unveiled.

“Either choice you make…” it talked without moving whatever left of it’s mouth. “You still lose. There’s no turning back anymore… You’ve failed for life.”

Nathan then deformed, turning into the black mass of a wall from the hospital. Looming, advancing…

“Jackson…?” Maddie’s voice ringed out, snapping Jackie out of her stooper. Seeing Jackie visibly snap back from depersonalization made Maddie move back a tad, minding River and Tracy’s conversation ahead and Aiko crossing her arms—tapping foot.

“H-hm?” it scared Jackie that she couldn’t find a way to respond instantly, only that coming out.

“You good?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” the word felt foreign in her mouth.

Maddie just rolled her eyes, to the point her head faintly moved in an arch. She shrugged, closing her eyes as she raised her hands. “Now, you know that means we don’t know if anything’s wrong and we’re gonna continue on like there’s nothing wrong, right?”

While it was valid, Jackie couldn’t help but to feel a twinge of anger and sourness ignite in her chest. She responded as if none of that happened, “Yeah.”

Maddie reached out, opening her hand. “Since I’m gonna get our seats, I guess it’s best for me to have the key so they don’t think I’m some punk.”

The building feeling of resentment wanted to be broadcasted from Jackie, to retort about being able to trust Maddie after all of that rhetoric she coughed out of her maw. But Jackie silently reached into her shorts, giving the key to her. She hid behind her neutral face.

It hurt, of course, to see Maddie sport her own version as well. The small girl cut back to the front of their group, leaving Jackie with that mental image brewing within the flames of her psychological warfare.

Jackie had to close her eyes. She had to calm herself down, to free herself from these distant feelings and out of control boundaries.

She had to rebuild again.

So she focused on another recent memory, returning to Steppe Ave. Despite the girls showing up in mangled outfits, backpacks filled with junk, and vacant expressions—the atmosphere of the place managed to humble whatever feelings of victimhood that could’ve came out.

Tents and people outside of them was the only few things one could see, stores doubling as living spaces as well, the restaurants boarded up but the respective staff in the middle of the streets helping out with food services—with multiple Extant Shift Terrain Vehicles parked so near yet far apart.

“…My God…” Tracy was the first and brave enough to react.

“Man,” River said. “We get a handout, and there might not be anything left…”

Maddie waved her hand, “Eh. Maybe running low, but I’m sure there’s shit here still. Otherwise, these people would be trying to leave. Fuck, it’s part of the reason why we left.”

“Extant managed to get the relief effort straightened out after all…” Jackie wore a worn smile. “That’s good, at least…”

“Besiiides, this is ‘Steppe C’,” Maddie explained at first, thinking that was just enough. “There’s tons of stores and places to eat in this section of the place, and at least 5 of ‘em’s good. Luckily for you all, I heard some things.”

“Oh?” Tracy seemed interested. “What did you hear…?”

“Heard there’s a place where literally, they sell their own brand of cereal that’s made for feeling shitty and the seating lets you stare at each other as you do—”

“…Y’know what?” River said. “That sounds about good right now.”

“Right?” Maddie answered back.

“We’ll ask around, definitely,” Jackie looked at Stark’s… Their credit key. “But first, we need new clothes, soap, bottled water… And hope and see if there’s any stores are doing normal shopping at the moment…”

“What, really?” River asked. “We’re gonna go shopping during all of this?”

“Nothing too crazy, but… Like. Stark obviously is pushing us to remember that we’re human in the end, right? Each of us can just… Be free to pick an outfit out. Something we usually wear. And we’ll hang on to them, maybe only wear them for special occasions or something. I don’t know.”

“… I guess out of all of your ‘plans’, this one isn’t as reckless…” Maddie crossed her arms. “Nothing expensive, but I’m standing the obvious?”

“Yeah,” Jackie replied. “Nothing like a make-over, just… Us.”

“Eh, sure,” Maddie gave her blessings.

“Can’t really say no to that…” Tracy giggled.

Aiko and River shrugged, which caused the two to look at each other.

And on that note, they watched forward—and Jackie collapsed that scene by herself, which felt pleasant to her. She’s gaining control, slowly but surely…

She thought about the details she needed to focus on, searching through her head for that moment she couldn’t stop thinking about. She ponded briefly about how backwards that sounds, it should be immediate, but it goes to show how cluttered her thoughts are nowadays. So many things to keep track of, so much hanging on…

She focused, and decided that the lead up to it wasn’t worth animating. They walked and found a Millhouse clothing outlet that wasn’t crowed like it’s competitors. They got the employees and asked if there’s any clothing supplies left, luckily the last few were still there. Basic black tees, jeans, and socks—they were more than enough to at least give each girl two pairs. It was a start. Finally, they asked if they were still operating normally, which they instantly perked up from their dour tone to answer yes.

Each girl scattered about in the store, picking out their outfits and going into their own booths to try them on.

Jackie constructed the memory of her putting on her new clothes.

She was looking up and down at herself, from her mirror. Wearing now a half sports tank top, shorts and wearing her beat up sneakers still. All gray. All of it showing off her impressive body.

But most importantly, the wounds that are still healing.

She gathered her mane of hair, unrolled her new scrunchie from her hand, and looped and tied the two together—giving her back her trademark ponytail.

…But it still looked off.

It was clear as day that she’s trying to act like nothing has happened. Or rather, trying to rise above things that will always haunt her, take her over. Looking back and seeing who she used to be, created an uneasy dysmorphia.

…Until she noted the strains of curls that she missed—both in front of her ears.

…She wanted to correct that, but she reached up towards her head, putting her fingers on her hair.

And the weirdest thing happened.

She used siVis on her hair.

Jackie could only watch herself ease down multiple strains of her hair from her scrunchie tie, one by one on mass, and ended up forming a nice fringe for herself. It was a completely new hairstyle, but not too different from the old…

She smiled. And Jackie watching from afar couldn’t help but to smile with her.