Damsel-fu

As the blood geyser fizzled out, Kyutee lifted her leg up, pointing her foot mere inches from my face. She did this for two reasons. First, to highlight that despite having just crushed a guy's throat, not a drop of blood stained her pristinely white sneaker. If it weren't for the fact I had literally witnessed her murder someone, it would be counted as evidence that she didn't commit the crime.

Hence the second reason she was acquainting me with the sole of her sneaker, so she could press it into my face, designating my status as dirt to be trampled over.

"Now, let's review," Kyutee sneered as she lowered her foot and began pacing. "Miss... ... Your name?"

I remained silent. I have every right to, so says the 5th amendment of the US constitution. Kyutee didn't seem to respect my rights though, shoving her hand into my pocket and pulling out my wallet.

"Cherry Mirkwood. Wow, dumb name, sounds like something an AI would come up with."

"And you going to give that back?"

A smirk appeared on Kyutee's face as she pulled out a laser knife, slowly inching it closer to the wallet. But she came to a halt, only to open up my wallet and loot my cash and credit cards before slicing everything else up.

"Invasion of privacy, theft, kidnapping, destruction of property, you're only racking up charges," I snarled as Kyutee began tossing the confetti that had once been my driver's license and wallet about the room.

"Yup, insta guilty, but guilty doesn't mean I'm going to jail."

A chill ran down my spine as Kyutee procured what appeared to be a taser.

"Tell me Cherry, who runs the law? A god, or a bunch of mortal humans? If yes to the latter, then how are humans going to enforce the law against a god? Answer?"

Silence ensured. I expected her, being the presumed egotist I peg her to be, to add a "they can't" to the end of her sentence, but she didn't. Maybe she wanted me to say the words, but I refused. I was still pleading the 5th.

A look of annoyance overtook Kyutee's face as she repeated her line. "Who runs the law? A god, or a bunch of mortal humans? If yes to the latter, then how are humans going to enforce the law against a god? Answer?"

"..."

"ANSWER!?"

"..."

"Ugh, yadda, yadda, yes to the latter, then how are humans going to enforce the law against a god? Answer, THEY CAN'T!"

"Yes they can, they just gotta kill the fake one trying to pose as one."

Kyutee did a double-take, blinking mockingly, as she got within an inch of my face and a sexual assault charge. Yes, women can be charged for sexually assaulting other women. Pains my heart, well not really since a paycheck's a paycheck, but it's reality. They say women can do anything men can do, and in the case of breaking the law, I've seen women break practically every law in the book. Some would hail that as breaking the glass ceiling, till they get handed the bill for repairing said ceiling.

And me? I didn't break glass ceilings, I broke glass windows. Women like to tell themselves they're more sophisticated than men, but I know from experience, we're just as barbaric. That's what being an animal is; being a feral violent organism. And humans are animals no matter what anyone says.

Laws were only made in an attempt to domesticate us, but violence is in our DNA. I hate it, but violence is the only thing that can stop this bitch. And if I had remembered to reload my damn gun, that bitch and rat Bob would be dead like Joel.

Internal monologue aside, Kyutee finally managed to compute I wanted her dead and had moved on to the next stage of her programming, pacing around and smiling with that ominous taser in hand. I'm not exaggerating when I say that thing looks nasty. Like a regular ole taser, it's got the electricity flowing from point to point. I don't know taser physiology, so I just call the metal things points. But what really sets me off is the fact that the electricity appears to morph into a fork at times. If that shit's like the laser knife, I'm about to be tortured real bad.

Worse, there's nothing that can stop her. She doesn't fear the law, and even if she'd be sent to death row, she'd do it. If I pleaded and begged, she'd 100% do it with 110% more sadism on top of it, so that's off the table. Unless something physically stops her, I'm at the mercy of whatever that thing is. My wrists and ankles are tied too tightly, so I can't... ...

Without even thinking, I busted out my damsel-fu, mustering as much strength as I could to fling myself out of the chair, upright, and from there, I leapt into the air and began spinning around madly.

"What's going- AHG!?"

Damsel-fu, martial arts for damsels. I patented, trademarked, and copyrighted the term one day when the cops cuffed me up. Just like back then, my wrists and ankles were bound and with zipties none the less. I was also pissed. Pissed that I had been "captured", arrested if we're being technical, and relegated to being a damsel. I have a damn ego, I want to dominate, not be dominated!

But my ego wasn't gonna get those zipties off me, so just like back then, I said F*ck it and started flying. And there's my patented, trademarked, copyrighted Damsel-fu rundown. $85.99 plus tax for the introductory course, if you please.

Kyutee wasn't in the mood to let me fight freely though, as she took a combative stance. My profiling was spot on. A bra-top for it's lack of sleeves, that dress with it's flashy triangle for distraction. Gloves to protect her hands, and sneakers for better mobility and kicking power. This woman was a brawler, and a dirty one at that. Looks like I was in for a nasty tussle, or so I thought.

With one punch to the gut, pain. Pain, pain, PAIN! My eyes bulged out of my head as I hacked up saliva while hurling back towards the lawn chair. I somehow landed perfectly in it, and despite the chair skidding backwards a few feet, it didn't topple over. But as I groggily tilted my head back, I saw the reason why; Kyutee was standing behind it.

"Well someone's sure got spunk. I think I'll spare you, if you take me on in a little game."

Damn psychopath. But I'll bite.

"What do I get if I win?"

A sinister smile flashed on Kyutee's face as she flashed a tablet-like device before me. On screen was what appeared to be a broadcast of a giant saucer blasting beams down on a city.

"We now rule the planet, but if you become the archangel, humanity's savior, and win this grand-game I have planned, we MIGHT leave."

Keyword "might" meaning, we'll just blast your face in anyway if you somehow win. Thus, killing this bitch seems like the way forward.

"M- Madam Kyutee, you can't just propose something like that! You don't have the authority-"

With a kick to the jaw, Bob went flying into what had been the frozen dinner section. A disgusted scowl, manifesting itself on Kyutee's face as she lowered her leg and strutted over.

"I've been on this planet since the dawn of the 2nd millennium. I've had to put up with so much human bullshit just to get to this point! Are you saying that council has more authority on earthly matters than me, the princess who's actually been in the trenches for 23 long years!?"

No reply. Guess she knocked his lights out.

"I SAID..."

Yeesh, this bitch has an ego. But thanks to that, round 2 of Damsel-fu is on, and this time it's double the price for the lesson, $172.99, to be precise, plus medical fees AND tax!