Pain and Struggle

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path”

— Buddha Siddhartha Guatama

I look around me to get an idea of the layout of the room. It is by far the largest space I’ve been into while in the temple. To my back is the door now blocked, a first aid kit beside it and several lockers on the walls to both sides of the door. In front of me there are several floors, each filled with row after row of computer racks. The room itself is illuminated by the red emergency lights, which are bright enough for me to see my surroundings.

First, I must stop the excess pain in my leg caused by the prosthetics becoming a dead weight, pulling my leg down. I have two options, turning it back on to disconnect it in the standard way with its internal electronics, or I remove it with the emergency mechanical locks. I really would prefer to remove the leg the standard way, not only because I like walking instead of hopping everywhere on one leg, but that the process of disconnecting it manually always overstimulates my nerve endings and that feels awful. If we add all the damage I’ve done to my leg, that ensures that removing it manually will be particularly painful.

I try forcing a reconnection to see if the prosthesis turns back on but it doesn’t work no matter how many times I try. It seems that whatever Amaterasu did to it damaged it beyond use. That or her drone body is still functioning well enough to keep my leg disabled. I would love to spend more time thinking of ways to fix it but Marina is risking her life out there, I can’t keep her waiting any longer than necessary. Thus, I decided to bite the bullet and place my fingers on the buttons to disconnect it manually. I take a deep breath and quickly press them in order while I pull the prosthesis away.

Fuuuuuuuuck!! It hurts like hell! It hurts, it hurts, IT HURTS!! Besides, it is lasting way longer than I expected!! I’ve been on the ground twisting in pain for over 20 seconds and the sharp penetrating pain doesn’t go away or decrease in any way. I haven’t even been able to check the damage on my stump, only scream and roll on the ground. I try focusing on anything else to regain control but it doesn’t work. This hurts even worse than when Amaterasu “set me on fire” or anything else that has happened to me to be honest.

Alright, some 10 seconds later the pain subsided enough for me to check my leg and think of something else beyond that it hurts. I sit up and with a lot of care grab my stump and pull it towards me, so I can see how bad my stump is and decide how to progress. Now that I can look at it, my stump looks as painful as it feels, with several parts of it filled with bruises and bloody scrapes. Even though it still hurts, It doesn’t look infected or like I’m about to bleed out, it should be alright to wait until help arrives and open the door. The good news is that at least the constant pressure is gone, now I can focus on the task at hand. I stand on my left leg and hop towards the rows upon rows of private servers working as the database for the GMs. According to Ignatius there should be a point of access near the entrance where I can connect the compu… crap, Marina has the computer.

Initially I tried convincing myself that it didn’t matter, that I could easily find a way around this, but quickly I realized that without a personal computer I had no way of executing the program. The servers don't have any interfaces to interact with them as they don’t need them the vast majority of the time. Each second that passes I fall more and more into panic searching inside the room for any other computers or even just computer parts. At this point I’m even satisfied with scrape parts or a forgotten cellphone. I just need something that I can use as an interface between the memory drive and the servers… Well, at least in theory. I’m not sure if I can make it work, but I have no other options. I cannot give up right now after all the suffering we went through to get here. Also, I cannot expect any help even if Marina and Ignatius drones neutralize Amaterasu and her drones because of the emergency state I triggered.

After a couple of minutes looking everywhere, I wasn’t able to find anything I could use besides some cables to connect to the access point. I mean, I also found the access point to use the cables but what good does it make for me if I don’t have a computer to connect them to. I feel my breathing becoming irregular and my head feeling dizzy as I desperately look again and again in every place I can think of. Before I have a full on panic attack, I start taking deep breaths and focus completely on the security card I have in my hand. I need to keep my wits about me, else everything will be lost. Use that smart mind that Ignatius praised before and think of a solution, ignore any preconception and just think on what you want to achieve and do it regardless of the cost.

I got it, I know what I need to do. I’ll connect the memory drive and the database access point to my mind. After the several weeks with Ignatius, I now know how to execute programs with my brain as the computer. If I am fast enough I’ll be able to execute the program before any of the GMs can do anything to stop me, hell, Ignatius might even help me block Amaterasu from interfering. Thank god Marina isn’t here, otherwise she wouldn’t let me proceed with this plan. I know it has a lot of risks and unknown but it is the only real plan I can think of. Besides, I was able to hold on without any mental effects inside the world of a GM, to the point he praised me. I should be able to last enough to execute a single program.

Before starting I go check out the first aid kit inside this room to see if there are any painkillers in there. If I am to use all of my brain power into this task, I can’t be distracted by pain. The good news is that there are some, the bad news is that these aren’t the super strong ones that the drones gave us; It doesn’t matter, it’ll have to do for now whether I like it or not. I take the pills, grab the cables I found before and hop towards the access point.

First I connect the memory drive to my head and check I can identify the program, it works. Then I sit on the ground against the rack of computers beside the access point and practice breathing deeply again. Although I think this plan has merits, I can’t say I’m not scared. Afterall whenever I think about connecting to the servers I remember the bodies of the guards and of the technician who died doing the same thing. But I can’t let that dissuade me, I am prepared in ways they weren't, besides, the situation is very different. I must believe in myself and push forward no matter what… I must do it. Thus, taking a very deep breath I connect a long cable to the back of my head and while exhaling I connect the other end to the access point ready to execute the program the moment the connection is established.