The Matrix

Nezumi stepped into the courtyard just as Azuki was leaving. Their paths crossed, and Azuki's emerald eyes narrowed.

"Oh, the mecha collector." Azuki's sweet voice carried an edge sharp enough to cut steel. "You should know your place. Some things aren't meant to be touched by amateur hands."

Nezumi's shoulders tensed as Azuki glided past, the threat hanging in the air like static before a storm.

"What was that about?" Nezumi marched up Cleansuke.

"Azuki-san has proposed a mutually beneficial arrangement. Victory conditions in this week's Dai-Bōku match will determine relationship parameters."

"Relationship... parameters?"

"Affirmative. She has offered comprehensive library organization services in exchange for-"

"You're dating her now too?"

"Processing query... Dating status contingent upon match outcome. Current relationship matrix indicates-"

"Matrix? How many people are in this matrix?"

"Current active protocols include romance simulation with Yuriko-san, engineering assistance for Reiko-san, and primary dating functions with-"

"Stop! Just... stop. I thought we had something special, but you're just collecting girlfriends like spare parts!"

"Incorrect assessment. Relationship efficiency requires careful calibration of multiple-"

"I can't believe this! First the romance training, then carrying Reiko around, and now Azuki?" Nezumi jabbed a finger at my chest. "Do you just say yes to anyone who offers to clean with you?"

Just as I thought the situation couldn't spiral even further out of control, Reiko burst into the courtyard, her long black hair trailing behind her.

"There you are!" Reiko rushed up to Cleansuke, chest heaving. "I've been meaning to ask—are you okay? After you jumped out of my penthouse window, I was worried—"

"Analyzing incident report," Cleansuke cut in. "Exit trajectory was suboptimal due to pursuit of unidentified flying bovine. Post-shower protocols were interrupted."

Nezumi's eyes widened. "In her penthouse?"

"Affirmative. Shower cleaning protocols were 73% complete when-"

"You took a shower at her place?"

"The massage protocols required subsequent sanitization-"

"Massage?!"

Reiko's face flushed crimson. "It wasn't-"

"Body temperature elevation detected," Cleansuke noted, reaching for Reiko's forehead. "Similar to readings during bathroom encounter-"

"What bathroom encounter?"

"I didn't mean for any of this to happen," Reiko stammered. "The quantum thread was tangled and we fell and-"

"Initiating first kiss incident report."

"KISS?!"

Yuriko materialized from behind a nearby tree, her notebook clutched to her chest.

"Kiss? Did someone say kiss?" Her hazel eyes sparkled with creative fervor. "I need details for my next chapter!"

"Your next chapter?" Nezumi's head whipped around. "What chapter?"

"Oh! For our romance practice sessions. Tanaka-san's been helping me perfect the intimate scenes-"

"Romance practice?" Reiko's composed facade cracked. "Is that what you were doing in study pod 3?"

"Wait." Nezumi's voice trembled. "The study pod incident wasn't just a misunderstanding?"

"Analyzing chronological order of romantic encounters. First instance: carrying protocols with Nezumi. Second instance: bathroom assistance with Reiko-san. Third instance: romance simulation with Yuriko-san. Fourth instance-"

"Bathroom assistance?" Yuriko scribbled frantically. "That's perfect for the hot springs chapter!"

"You helped her in the bathroom?" Nezumi's face reddened. "After you lectured me about proper dating protocols?"

"The massage was purely therapeutic," Reiko interjected. "Though the quantum thread incident-"

"Quantum thread?" Yuriko perked up. "Like in chapter seven when Mai's dress malfunctions?"

"That's different from what happened in the changing room-" Reiko caught herself too late.

"Changing room?" Nezumi and Yuriko exclaimed in unison.

"Affirmative," Cleansuke nodded. "Clothing adjustment protocols were activated after-"

"I thought I was special," Nezumi cut in. "All those cleaning metaphors about polishing my heart..."

"Those were my lines!" Yuriko gasped. "From the confession scene!"

"You seriously used romance novel lines on her?" Reiko's usual aristocratic composure cracked. "What about what we had going on in the workshop?"

"Penthouse protocols with Reiko-san are part of current practice sessions."

"Practice?" Reiko's eyes flashed. "Is that what you called our moment in the workshop?"

"Workshop protocols achieved 89% efficiency rating. However, kiss protocols require additional calibration-"

"You're calibrating kisses now?" Yuriko's pen froze mid-sentence. "But what about our special connection during the virtual romance simulation?"

"Analyzing reaction... Detecting elevated stress levels. Recommended action: Implementation of mood-cleansing protocols-"

"Don't you dare try to clean my mood!" Nezumi jabbed a finger at my body. "I can't believe I trusted you with my Dai-Bōku dreams!"

"And I showed you my secret cosplay workshop!" Reiko's face burned.

"You used my romance scenarios to... to practice on them?" Yuriko clutched her notebook like a shield. "I thought you understood the deep meaning behind Dorm Room!"

"Attempting to calculate optimal response... Processing multiple relationship variables... Initiating emergency protocol-"

"I'm done being part of your relationship matrix!" Nezumi spun on her heel.

"Consider your workshop privileges revoked," Reiko declared, stalking away with perfect posture.

"And don't expect any more advance copies of my chapters!" Yuriko fled, already scribbling what I assumed would be a devastating breakup scene.

Beside me, Gomi let out a low whistle. "Wow. Your robot really knows how to clear a courtyard."