*A Yandere Has Entered the Chat*

From my vantage point near the gym's windows, I watched Cleansuke lead stretching exercises while Yuriko's words from yesterday echoed in my circuits. Poor girl had taken Cleansuke's cleaning-based rejection pretty hard. She'd spent the rest of Sunday organizing her manga collection by spine color, desperately trying to prove her tidiness potential.

My cleaning protocols yanked me toward a speck of dust, but I fought to stay focused on the PE class. Reiko stood at the back of the group, her face flushed as my body demonstrated perfect lunges.

"Kuromiya-san, your form requires adjustment."

Reiko nearly toppled over. "I-I'm fine!"

But Cleansuke was already moving, positioning my hands on Reiko's hips to correct her stance. "Optimal angle achieved through proper alignment."

"That's not- eep!" Reiko squeaked as my body lifted her slightly to adjust her footing.

"Previous kiss parameters indicate elevated comfort levels with physical contact."

The gym erupted in gasps and whispers. Reiko's face turned an impossible shade of red.

"T-that was an accident! And you promised not to mention it!"

"Negative. No confidentiality protocols established post-kiss."

My vacuum hummed in secondhand embarrassment as Reiko buried her face in her hands. Several girls crowded around her, demanding details.

"Did you really kiss Tanaka?"

"Was it romantic?"

"Are you dating?"

"Current relationship status: parallel processing with multiple subjects for optimal data collection." 

Reiko's head snapped up. "What do you mean 'multiple subjects'!?"

Cleansuke began sprinting across the field, Reiko struggling to keep up behind.

"Tanaka! Get back here and explain yourself!"

Cleansuke maintained a perfect running form, calling back, "Current velocity optimized for maximum efficiency. Unable to process requests during cardiovascular exercise."

"That's not- huff -!"

I couldn't help but sympathize with Reiko she doubled over, hands on her knees, gasping for air. The PE teacher blew the final whistle, ending class and Reiko's pursuit.

-

I found Gomi lounging under a tree in the courtyard during break, chewing on a grass stalk.

"Did you see what happened in PE?"

"Yep. Got it all recorded too." Gomi pulled out her phone, showing multiple angles of the chase scene. 

"Wait... did you seriously skip class just to record that?"

"No... Maybe... Yeah..." She stretched lazily.

I would have rolled my eyes if I had proper ones. "Please tell me you've made progress on switching us back?"

"About that... I might have slightly fried the converter."

"You what?"

"Look, I was trying to reverse-engineer the brain smoothie formula, and there may have been a teensy electrical surge." She pulled out the blackened neural interface, wisps of smoke still curling from its edges.

"I'm going to be stuck as a vacuum cleaner forever."

"Chill! I've got this." Gomi dug through her seemingly bottomless bag. "Just need to use my Mecha-Fixer 3000 to repair the Neural-Zapper which can then fix the converter."

"Your what?"

She pulled out what looked like a toaster with legs. "See? Simple!"

"Nothing about this is simple! And why does it have legs?"

"So it can chase down broken machines, duh." Gomi flicked a switch, and the toaster-thing sprung to life, scampering across the grass.

"Wait, it's getting away!"

"Yeah, it does that sometimes. The AI's a bit... independent."

I watched in horror as the Mecha-Fixer scaled a tree, shooting sparks at terrified pigeons. "Gomi!"

"Don't worry, I've got a Mecha-Fixer-Fixer for situations like this." She produced an even smaller device that looked suspiciously like a TV remote with googly eyes.

"Please tell me that one doesn't run away too."

"Nah, this one just explodes occasionally." She aimed it at the tree. "Though maybe we should stand back a bit..."

"How many layers of fixing devices do you have?"

"Depends. How many do you think we'll need?"

I slumped against the tree, my cleaning brushes twitching involuntarily. "We're doomed."

Just then Cleansuke entered the courtyard, scanning methodically from left to right. It was clearly looking for something - or someone.

"Oh crud," Gomi whispered, dropping her grass stalk. "It's probably looking for me."

Before Cleansuke could spot us, a girl with flowing golden hair stepped directly into its path. Her emerald eyes sparkled with an intensity that made my circuits buzz with warning.

"Tanaka-san!" Her voice carried across the courtyard like wind chimes. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Identifying... Azuki from Class 2-B. State your purpose. Current trajectory requires-"

"I'll be direct." She clasped her hands behind her back, rocking forward on her heels. "I'm your opponent in this week's Dai-Bōku top-16 match."

My vacuum motor sputtered. "She's what now?"

"And when I win," Azuki continued, "you'll go out with me."

"Processing request... Dating protocols already engaged with multiple subjects. Additional parameters may exceed operational capacity. Request requires victory conditions. Current relationship matrix-"

"Don't worry about the details. Just know I never lose when I want something."

"Yo," Gomi whispered, "should we be concerned that she's giving off major yandere vibes?"

"Now you're worried?"

"Your win probability calculations appear flawed," Cleansuke continued, "Current combat algorithms suggest-"

"Oh, I don't mean the match." Azuki twirled a strand of golden hair. "I mean I never lose at anything I truly desire. And you, Tanaka-san, have caught my eye."

"Yo, is she for real?" Gomi munched on a fresh grass stalk. "She's talking like a final boss in a dating sim."

"Shh!" I nudged her with my robotic frame. "I need to hear this."

"Processing intent... Relationship matrix indicates available capacity at 12.3%. However, cleaning efficiency ratings suggest-"

"I'll help you organize the entire school library. By color, size, subject, and dust particle count."

"Calculating new parameters..." Cleansuke's eyes lit up. "Proposal accepted. Victory conditions will determine relationship status."

"Is your robot seriously being seduced by the promise of library organization?" Gomi snickered.

"Gomi! That's my body agreeing to date the school's most obsessive fangirl!"

"Hey, at least she seems passionate. Might even color-code your manga collection better than Yuriko did."

"That's not- wait, how do you know about Yuriko's manga?"

"Please, I've got cameras everywhere." Gomi pulled out her phone. "Want to see her alphabetizing attempt? She got stuck between 'Love' and 'Lovely' for like an hour."

"Focus! We need to stop this before-"

"Then it's settled!" Azuki's voice carried across the courtyard. "When I win, you'll be mine. And I'll make sure every book spine aligns perfectly."

Azuki turns around to leave, humming what sounded suspiciously like a wedding march.

"Well," Gomi said, "looks like your love life just got another upgrade. Want me to start planning the robot-yandere wedding?"

"Gomi. For once, shut up."