Sober Up 101

Iwan resuscitates Bayu with a tub of hot water with clothes on; Bayu’s head goes first. Followed by his belly and legs. As the bag floated, signs of life emerged, and Bayu jumped out of the tub. Like an endangered animal evading hunters but got captured in a few seconds. Cornered and wet, Bayu receives a rain of warm water from the shower as Iwan does everything in his power to drive Bayu into a corner. After a few minutes, Bayu gave up under the rain, barely moving. But his eyes are still good indicators of life. Not long after, he pukes.

Iwan is now in the living room, chilling and watching the news. He feels relieved because of infotainment, but his feeling of relief soon aggravates. Bayu’s sanity returns after he regurgitates and throws out dinner from yesterday. He starts cooking for a very early breakfast at 1 AM with a bundle of noodles, shallots, garlic, leeks, pepper, salt, coriander, candlenut, and water. The stove has several modes, such as induction, air fryer, and grill. But now, it’s time for the charcoal-fuelled earthenware stove to shine. Powered by LNG and the smell of earthenware, Bayu mixes and stirs the ingredients in a wok while Iwan observes them. A smoky aroma filled the room; Ayu turned off the smoke detector so she could watch Bayu cook through so many CCTV angles. LNG nozzle spraying a blaze of rooster comb that engulfs the wok; unfortunately, no wok hei for now. The stove turns off, and Mie Godhog Jawa is ready to serve.

“Dude, here’s yours, what do you think?”

“A bit too salty, but it’s no big deal. Thank you for the meal.”

“Sure thing… Whoa! Would you look at that?”

“A fire breakout at Gadingharjo village? That place may be as dense as a slum area, but there’s no recorded fire there for 70 years.”

“No firefighter, the extinguisher ain’t working. That huge fire could still trigger a response from a piped water supplier to burst a nearby pipe. Kinda sus, ain’t it?”

“It’s sus for real; the LNG pipe is so secure that it won’t even leak and explode.”

Both of them started discussing possibilities that might have caused the fire and the likelihood of ulterior motives. Mie godhog switched to coffee and papaya, and the discussion started.

“Seeing the plantation around the village on fire, I believe that this fire is man-made for a certain purpose. Probably land clearing.”

“Land clearing for what? If they want to get rid of the plantation, just chop those rambutan trees down; it’s harvest season, and rambutan made excellent firewood.”

“Let’s say that the regional government got greedy a bit and decided to turn that place into a luxurious estate. An estate is feasible with so many amenities, close proximity to a train station, a beautiful view, and enough money. No, even a satellite town or an entirely independent city is feasible.”

“Interesting, but who would buy it? This region’s free and adequate housing won’t cause the locals to buy it. Even from other regions.”

“Hold on, I’ll turn my phone into projector mode first.”

Bayu picks up his phone, sets the mode, and turns off the lamp. Then, a bright wallpaper shows up on the wall—a group of women from different series that Bayu has watched over the years and become obsessed with.

“Oh God, touch some grass, will you? There are two new women as well; get a grip on yourself.”

“No women are interested in me, dude.”

“How about Agatha? She’s your childhood friend; you even simp for her-“

“Don’t remind me of my cringe past! Back to our main topic! Look at this: a land transformed by a developer in West Java. It is a planned city; it started small but has grown bigger until now. It can happen to Gadingharjo. It’s a matter of time and money. No one might live there at first, but high-class facilities, international events, and job opportunities attract citizens far and wide.”

“Interesting… If the regional government plays it safe, that spot is perfect for a new plantation. Rambutan’s status as an exotic fruit has become regular since the plant was introduced to other countries. Snake fruit is rarely exploited by other countries, making Indonesia the largest snake fruit producer.”

“Who would even eat it? The skin is rough and rugged with tiny spikes ready to pierce your hand.”

“Peel the fruit and export it raw; turn it into juice and wine. Especially wine, make it a local specialty, and sell it expensively.”

“How about the plantation rejuvenation? Both fruit and tree are brutally jagged. Even with machines, the spikes can linger in the ground, posing a serious threat for those who’re unaware.”

“A new breed of snake fruit tree with no spikes exists.”

“But they taste like trash; it’ll take several years to complete. Enough time to build houses and exhibition halls. Not to mention, the demand exists.”

“For what?”

“Investment! You buy land; you build properties on it. Since you’re the owner, rent your property to others with great amenities beyond doubt. Make it expensive, of course. With big plots of land being used, land availability drops, making land more expensive; higher land value in that city makes the surrounding land more expensive, and then, on a higher level, you can control the land prices. Make the same fire, modify the schemes, bribe some officials, and cheap, affordable housing is no more. Don’t ask me how to pull it off; I’m no landlord.”

“I got the gist… I never thought you’d be able to create such a detailed idea.”

“Dude… It’s normal, you know.”

“But you’re dru-“

“No, I’m not! I’m perfectly fine!”

“Then why are you buck naked?”

“What?! Dude, why don't you tell me earlier?!”

“It’s fun to see you carry on with activities without realizing it. Good thing the heater’s on. Thanks, Ayu!”

“Ayu, you too?! You even conspired against me, your own master?! How evil can you be?!”

“Master, evil is just a matter of perspective.”

“Iwan! Since when am I naked?”

“Since you finished vomiting and walked out of the toilet.”

As Bayu changes clothes, the discussion ceases. Since Iwan is too lazy to go home, they reach a consensus. Bayu sleeps on the chair, and Iwan sleeps on the floor. Both of them sleep until early noon.