Mmm... Grass-Flavored Bubble Tea...

"You were right," I admitted, my robotic voice box crackling with resignation. "Azuki's definitely got that yandere thing going on. Who runs a cleaning robot fan club with three thousand followers?"

"Ha! Finally!" Gomi pumped her fist in the air, nearly dropping her Screen Sneak. "I told you something was off about her. Nobody's that obsessed with neatness without being at least a little unhinged."

"Maybe we should warn Cleansuke? I mean, technically it's still my body at risk here."

Gomi waved her hand dismissively. "Nah, let's just see how this plays out."

"Are you serious? This is exactly like that manga where the yandere girl- Wait, you just want to avoid doing any actual work, don't you?"

"What? Me? Lazy?" Gomi clutched her chest in mock offense. "I'm wounded, truly wounded. Besides, I'm already working hard on... uh... documenting this fascinating social experiment!"

"You're literally lying on the ground right now."

"It's called a strategic observation position." She rolled onto her stomach, still monitoring Azuki's phone feed. "Oh look, she just posted a zoomed-in photo of your hands organizing erasers. The comments are wild."

"Since when is watching someone's social media considered work?"

"Hey, I'll have you know social media surveillance is a highly specialized field requiring-" Gomi's defense was cut short by a massive yawn.

"You're falling asleep while trying to convince me you're working hard."

"I'm conserving energy for... important... things..." She closed her eyes.

"Gomi!"

"Five more minutes, Mom..."

I left Gomi snoring in her "strategic observation position" and rolled down the hallway on my mechanical legs. My cleaning protocols kept trying to distract me - there was a concerning amount of eraser dust under the display cases - but I forced myself to focus on finding my body before Azuki did something crazy.

I spotted Cleansuke methodically organizing books in the library. Just as I approached, my sensors detected Azuki lurking behind a nearby shelf, phone raised.

"Excuse me, but this area requires immediate sanitation," I announced in my most official robot voice.

Cleansuke looked up. "Acknowledged. I will relocate to permit cleaning procedures."

"Wait!" I blurted, then caught myself. "I mean... there is concerning data regarding student Azuki that requires your attention."

"Processing request. Please specify nature of concern."

Before I could respond, Azuki emerged from behind the shelves.

"Greetings, Azuki-san," Cleansuke said. "Would you like assistance organizing your materials?"

"Actually..." Azuki sidled closer, twirling her hair. "I was hoping we could discuss our upcoming date- I mean match?"

My circuits nearly shorted. "Warning! Student safety protocols indicate-"

"Shh!" Azuki pressed a finger to where my speaker would be. "Let the grown-ups talk, little robot."

I tried to protest but my cleaning protocols activated at the sight of her fingerprint on my casing. While I frantically buffed myself, Azuki led Cleansuke away, throwing a possessive glance over her shoulder.

I zipped through the hallways, my mechanical wheels squeaking against the polished floors. No sign of my body or Azuki anywhere. Not in the courtyard, not in the cafeteria, not even in the notorious make-out spot behind the gym.

"Come on, Gomi, wake up!" I nudged her with my robotic appendage. She just rolled over, muttering something about quantum cows.

I tried everything - playing cleaning jingles at maximum volume, simulating various emergency alerts, even attempting to tickle her with my dust brush attachment. Nothing worked.

"Gomi! Azuki's probably plotting something terrible right now and you're here…"

"Mmm... grass-flavored bubble tea..." Gomi smiled in her sleep.

"For crying out loud!" I revved my motors in frustration. "What if Azuki makes Cleansuke fall in love with her? What if-"

BRRRRRRING!

Gomi shot up like she'd been electrocuted. "I wasn't sleeping! I was conducting a horizontal analysis of... wait, was that the lunch bell?"

"Finally! Quick, we need to-"

"Food time!" She sprinted toward the cafeteria.

"No! That was the warning bell for last period! Gomi, wait!"

"What?" She skidded to a stop. "Oh man, I slept through lunch? This is the worst!"

"Forget lunch! Azuki's going to force Cleansuke into a Dai-Bōku match tonight and we have no idea where they went!"

"Oh right, the yandere situation." Gomi scratched her head. "Well, guess we're doomed."

"How can you be so casual about this? That's my body out there!"

"Relax, what's the worst that could happen?"

"She could make Cleansuke lose on purpose! Or worse - win! Do you know what happens to cleaning robots that develop a taste for victory?"

"They... get really into polishing trophies?"

"No! We need to find them before-"

The bell rang again, drowning out my mechanical wails of despair.

-

The final bell rang and my cleaning protocols finally released their iron grip. I zoomed through the halls, dodging students rushing to their lockers. For once, the scattered papers and candy wrappers didn't trigger my compulsive need to tidy up.

I caught sight of my body walking with perfect posture toward the school entrance. No Nezumi in sight. No Azuki either.

"That's... unexpected," Gomi said, appearing beside me with a half-eaten melon bread.

"Where are they? The match is tonight!"

"I mean isn't this good? No Azuki means no drama. No Nezumi means no relationship complications. You're in the clear!"

"But the match-"

"Will be fine." Gomi dusted melon bread crumbs off her uniform. "Look, I gotta head home. The cows need milking and Mom's making her famous curry. Have fun watching yourself clean up the competition!"

"Wait, you're abandoning me?"

"It's not abandonment if I announce it first!" She sprinted away before I could protest.

I waited in the shadows of a potted plant until most students cleared out. Rolling to my shoe locker, I popped it open with my mechanical appendages. The AR hub I'd jury-rigged last week still hung from the top shelf, its cables dangling like technological spaghetti.

I extended my data port and connected. The world pixelated, then reformed into the glowing grid of the Akashic Net. I looked down at my avatar - still a vacuum cleaner. Great.

"Here goes nothing."