The Subconscious

"You know, Hana, mom and dad; they loved you... and I know you don't remember much about them but—"
"But you're more like my parent than they ever was!" I said,
"Don't say that, they had to protect us... and... I'm sure they'll be proud to see you all grown up." brother said in a wavering voice,

My parents left us with our aunt, and after some time... we inherited our old house. Thanks to our aunt, we were able to live comfortably, she's a bit harsh but nice. She even supported us up until brother Das got a job.

Years gone by and I don't remember the faces of our parents... I don't have a strong connection to them. It was only me and brother.

He had to work while going to college, he got fired multiple times in many jobs, he pawns many of his possessions, and he comes home smiling. I know how hard he tries, I know he cries whenever I'm not at home, I know that sometimes when he smiles... he's in pain.

"Brother, are you okay?" I asked,
He smiles, "You don't need to worry about me."
"But—"

He pats my head and smiles, I know he looks sad; I want to help but anytime I try he just changes the subject. I wish I did more, I wish I could've helped him! I wish... I was there when he's suffering the most...

Now that he's gone for almost two weeks... I don't know what to do... he's more like my parent than my brother. I look up to him. I wish and wish! Hoping that he comes home... 

I cried and cried... while my friends were here to comfort me, I just can't bear the feeling of losing my only family.

Brother... please come home...

Some knocks at the front door, brother?! I quickly hurried and opened the door.

"Brother?!" I said,
"Oh, sorry for the sudden—" 
I interrupted her, "Who are you?"
"My name's Ayame, and the person over there is Eito, we are Das' co-workers. Can we talk to your brother?" she said,
"He's... not here... have you seen him?!"
"N—no... we haven't seen him..."

They also haven't seen brother... Is he really gone? I...

"Oh, um... don't cry... everything's going to be okay..." she said as she pats my head,
"H—he's hasn't come home in almost a week... I'm..."

I feel horrible. After a moment I invited them inside... and after crying for a few minutes, I calmed down. I brew try to brew tea but Ayame insisted that I sit while the other person, Eito, brew the tea.

"You said your brother hasn't come home in a week?" Ayame said,
"Yes... no one in this small town know where he is." I said,
"That's... I'm sorry..."

Brother... where are you? Just the thought of losing you is... too much...

"Hey... don't cry... your brother wouldn't want to see you sad, right?" Ayame said in a calming tone,
"Mm-hmm..." I nodded,
"We actually came here to thank your brother." Eito said,
"Why?"
"He told us to leave the restaurant we worked in, while it looks like he didn't do too much; he took all of the negative reputation that we could've gotten. For a while, he's one of the most talked about person in the neighborhood, though, all of it are negative." Ayame said,
"Yeah, after leaving the restaurant... our manager hired more workers and after a few days... the manager and a guy in a suit got arrested for workplace abuse, and harassing female workers. We could've been suspects since we worked there since the beginning. That place wasn't like that until that guy in a suit showed up." Eito said,
"That's terrible..." I said,

Brother... look at this... you saved someone.

"We... we want to help you find your brother!" Ayame said,
"Really?!" I said,
"Yep, we'll also support you in his place," Eito said, "We want to repay his kindness."
"But you don't have to though..." I said,
"Yeah, we don't... nobody has to ask... we'll still do it."
"Don't worry, for the time being... leave things to us adults!" Ayame said,
"Thank you... but you don't look like an adult, Ayame..." I said, "You look more like my age!"
Ayame blushes, "Oh, I don't look that young..."
"Hey... Hana, she prefers to be called old than young—"
Ayame interrupts Eito, "Would you kindly shut up?!"
"Woah woah! Easy there grandma!"
"Yeah, sure, smartass."

I laughed at them; they looked like a cat and a dog. Don't worry brother! We'll find you! If we can't... then... I'll wait for you to come home! I know you will... I just know it!

KINGDOM OF XIRN
ADVENTURER'S GUILD

I come inside what looks like an adventurer's guild, a lively atmosphere, drinks everywhere, arm-wrestling, and a bard singing. I go towards the receptionist.

After a small pause, "Hello there! And welcome to the adventurer's guild! My name's Ava! Would you like to post a quest? Or do you want to become an adventurer?" Ava said,
"Oh no... I'd like some information." I said,
"About what?"
"About the Kingdom of Doi..."
"Oh you can go to the library section of this guild! Just turn left, and you'll see it."
"Thanks, and one more thing... what's the news here?"
"Oh... our Hero named Arthur has recently been tagged as rogue, and the king recently just summoned a new hero! I believe they said he looks a bit old," she looks at me, "I'm guessing... kinda like your likeness I suppose... how old are you anyway?"
"I'm 39..."
Surprised, she said, "Really? Huh... somehow you looked older... and it feels like you've experienced all of life."
"Hey, I'm not as jaded as you think I am. My heart still skips a beat when I see someone beautiful." I said as I look at her,
"Heh, smooth words for someone with your age." she said,

The female bard in a beautiful voice sings something, I listen to her. As she sang, the lively and noisy guild slowly turns quiet...

Once there were trees full of birds,
Meadowlands vibrant with flowers;
Carefree the songs our children once sang
Gilding our minutes and hours.
Clouds came and covered the sun,
The breath of a baleful unease
Turning to ashes flowers in their fields,
Silenced the birds in their trees.

Hidden so deep in veils of deceit,
Imprisoned in twisting spells -
Are we the plaything of fiends, or merely the dreams
That we're telling ourselves, telling ourselves?

Enchanted by her soft voice and melancholic tone, gave the song a feeling of sadness. Still, I feel like I've heard this song before.

"Beautiful... isn't it?" Ava said,
"Yeah..."
"Her name's Elizabeth, it said that she learned that song from a hero who passed away. A hero who didn't do much from the war against the demons, but the she was the only hero who boosted the morale of the people just with her song and voice."
"But such a song—"
Ava interrupted me, "I know... it's a sad song... but we all need to believe in something be it god, family, or even some stranger that you don't even know. It's hard to believe in nothing you know...? That's why people from different kingdoms chose to believe in her and her songs."

I never believed in something intangible, I only believed my mother and father's words as if they're the one that kept me going. I never... believed in Hana... even though she's the one who's been at my side the most.

I look at my hand, flashes of the small demon I killed still haunts me. Is this what I need to do to get back home? Regardless... I need to keep going!

I gave her a coin and said, "Thanks for the info!"
"You didn't have—" Ava smiles, "Thank you and you're welcome!"

I go and read some stuff about the Kingdom of Doi. Apparently, it's a kingdom that can effectively use earth magic. Earth magic uses the earth round them but only when any part of their body are touching earth, rocks, etc. Use too much, and you risk your bones turn into hard jagged stone.

Why is magic so scary and grotesque? There aren't a lot of info about the Kingdom of Doi, I took the books that I read, put them where I got them, and leave the guild.

KINGDOM OF XIRN
TOWN SQUARE

There are a lot of people near the fountain all of them wearing armor, wielding weapons, and backpacks. I overhear some gossip,

"I hear the waters in the Kingdom of Tubic is getting worse and worse."
"A new wave of demons are getting close to the kingdom... FUCK! Can we take a break?!"
"Did you forget the gloves?"
"Is this all we have? Dammit, we lost too many in the last wave... and this time the demons are type 3..."

So there types of demons. I'm going to ask Lexia later... As I walk towards the castle, a woman wearing a strange robe called out to me,

"Young man, would you like to hear a truth that no one believes?" She said,

It looks like a scam... it's probably a scam... it's a scam. A truth that no one believes...? Huh... it sounds interesting enough, it wouldn't hurt to spare a couple of minutes. I go towards her,

"Very wise young man." She said,
"I'll assume you won't say it for free...?" I said,
"And smart! But for you I'll say it for free!"
I still gave her a coin, "What's the truth?"
She smiles menacingly, "This world, has a predetermined end. No one can stop it... not even y̶̘̟̱̜͐͊̂͝o̶̮̲͑̇͒͠u̸͕̒̚..."

A chill went down my spine, it reminded me when I saw that red moon. I soon as I blinked, she vanished. What the hell? Who is she? Does she know me? Was she an illusion? Either way... it feels like this probably won't be the last time I see her. 

KINGDOM OF XIRN
NEAR THE CASTLE ENTRANCE

I walked uphill since the castle entrance is there. I look back at me, I'm pretty high up... Man, if I have a camera I would be here taking pictures all day. This kingdom is huge and that feels like an understatement. I wouldn't be surprised if all kingdoms are like this.

Six people guard the entrance, they look serious. I walk towards them then they all bowed, one comes near me,

"Hero Das! We've been told that you've gone out!" a guard said,
"Uh, yeah. Did Kai said that I've gone out?" I said,
"Yes! But please for your safety, bring someone along with you next time."

They let me in. So he is telling the truth... I still don't believe Kai but he did at least gave me a direction. Go to the Kingdom of Doi he says...

I see knights do sword training on the left. On the right, Lexia is training some knights do water magic. 

I call out to her, "Hey Princess!"
She looks at me, "Hello there, Hero! Did you enjoyed the sights?"
"Yes! It still feels weird to be called a hero... can you just call me Das?"
"Then call me Lexia!"
"That reminds me... no one in the town knew that I'm a hero."
"It hasn't been publicly announced yet. Rumors about you being summoned is already widely known, maybe some people already knew who you are. Since my father was very strict on keeping your info, and seeing you healthy; I think tomorrow they'll announce that you're the new hero."

Ugh... I really don't want to stand out. Lexia looks at me, it's making me a bit uncomfortable.

"Looks like you don't want the attention." Lexia said,
"What gave it away?" I asked,
"Your face."
"I'm not really trying to hide it though... I just... I don't like being the center of attention."
"You'll get used to it."

I hope not. I don't want people placing their hopes in me... it's too much to live up to their expectations.

"Oh, I heard that there are types of demons..." I said,
"Yep! There are 4 types in general."

She explains the 4 types of demons...
Type 1: Demons that're mindless, and will attack anything on sight
Type 2: Demons that gained some level of intelligence; they can speak,
Type 3: Demons that can use weapons and magic,
Type 4: Demons that can coordinate and strategize,

Lexia further added, "If you noticed, they're classified if they're intelligent or not. That's because all types have different levels of strength, not all type 1 are weak and type 4 are strong. It's how those demons use their abilities is what makes them dangerous."
"Demons are terrifying..." I said,
"We have no time to feel inferior to them. I will do whatever it takes to protect this kingdom."
"Your resolve is commendable."
"I have something to fight for... what about you?"
"I—"

Before you all forced me to come to this world, I fight to see the day that Hana finally gets to be independent; to see her grow up in my parent's steed. Now, I fight to go back home; the world that I miss even though it's never been fair.

I exhaled, "I know what I fight for." I said while looking at Lexia,
Lexia smiles, "I see."

I look at the knights using magic, that reminds me... I haven't used magic yet!

"Hey Lexia, you haven't actually taught me to use magic." I said,
"Oh yeah! My bad, there's been too much happening lately. Let's get started!" she said,

Lexia called the knights using magic saying that they could take a break. She gestures me to go in the middle of the range while taking a bucket of water. The knights sit down and watched me.

"Let's start with water!" Lexia said,
"Sure!"
"Close your eyes and imagine holding a ball of water!"

I closed my eyes... its... kinda hard to focus when I know people are looking at me. A ball of water... I open my eyes... a messy blob of water formed on my palm then it collapses, dammit.

"Hey it's okay! Everyone's like that the first time!" Lexia said,

I failed after two more attempts, Lexia comes to me.

"What's wrong?" She asked,
"I-it's nothing..."

She looks at me suspiciously, "Hey guys! How about not looking at Das for a minute?"

The knights looks away. What? I feel like she knows that I'm nervous.

"Now give it your best shot!" she said,

I close my eyes and imagine a ball of water forming on my palm. As I slowly open my eyes, a ball of water formed! I did it! Now to fire it... Imagine a bullet being fired then imagine that bullet being replaced by water...

A strong sudden force flung my arm back, Lexia comes to me.

"You did it! Look at the target!" she said,

The target has a hole above the center, the trajectory was inaccurate, the knights applaud,

"That was more force than I anticipated," I said,
"Anticipate it next time. You wouldn't want your arm to come off." Lexia said,
"Did it actually happened?"
"It happens to those who put too much power without anticipating it."

I nervously laughed, there's something to keep in mind. I feel dizzy and lost my balance. I guess imagining something as fast as a bullet can take a toll in the mind.

Lexia helps me get up, "We have two more days to teach you all elemental magic!"
"Remind me what are the elements?" I asked,
"There's water, fire, ice, earth, wind, life and probably death?"
"Probably death?"
"I'm not sure about death magic, it's recently been discovered and there are only seven who can use it but they're unwilling to reveal it... it's hard to imagine, you know? You can't cast magic when the source is dead."
"What about something like earth? It's not alive, but how come a person use it as a source?"
"Those are classified as elements, it doesn't matter if they're alive or dead. As for life and death, they're not elements but since we don't know how to classify them for now..."
"You just call them elements."
"Yep! Now, let's cram all the knowledge and training into your head!"

She smiles brightly, yet menacingly... I look at the guards and they look away. What am I getting myself into?

"I'm 39 years old, I'm a jaded old man." I said,
"Don't worry, I'm sure you're not too jaded to keep you from giving compliments to women." Lexia said,

I think she heard when I gave her mother Claudia a compliment. Still, it looked like I was hitting on her... even though I wasn't trying to.

"Fair enough. Okay bring it to me!" I said,
"If you can survive!" she said,

And thus, my two day training from hell begun.

Day 1: Training my whole body. She said that 2 days aren't nearly enough to train, usually, it'll take more than a month... there's also a risk of destroying my whole body. A trait that all heroes have is the ability to withstand a certain amount of toll that the body takes from magic; a trait absent from people who are born into this world. 

Basically, day 1 has been seeing if my body can withstand extreme use of magic, while teaching me the forms of magic. It would seem that the result far exceeded their expectations. I'm one of the 3 heroes who has high resistance to extreme use of magic. 

Day 2: Weapons training. They had me chose a weapon I'm comfortable with; Weapons like broadswords, staff, mace, spear, knife, and more. I ended up picking the spear so I can reach demons from a far enough distance without getting too close. I also chose a knife incase I'm forced into extremely close situations.

KINGDOM OF XIRN
DAS' ROOM

It's the day where King Aaron summons me. My whole body hurts from the weapons training, the instructors expressed regret that they couldn't teach everything to me within the given timeframe and said that I should use my ventures towards the demon-spawn instead as training.

I learned enough info these two days from the knights, gossips around town, and posters. I guess the main one is how the hero before me is tagged as a rouge hero. Some demons are able to use magic... I'm trained for this! I'm ready!

Lexia comes in, "Hey! Did you get a good sleep?"
"Good enough..." I said,
"Here's some tea to help with your body."
I take a cup, "Thanks"
"In an hour, my father will summon you. So, for now... tell me about your world."
"There's hardly any to tell."
"I have nothing to do and staying here for an hour without anything happening isn't really thrilling."
"Fine..."

I talked about my world, and like I said... there isn't much I can tell and yet to her, it's more than a story... it sparked her curiosity. I ended up explaining a lot of things, after 40 minutes she asks me about my past,

"No!" I said,
"Just a little bit..." she said,
"NO!" I said aggressively,
"Why? Is it really important? Almost all heroes are open about their pasts."
"You don't need to know and I don't want you to know... you're not gonna die if I didn't tell you."
"What if I said I am going to die...?"

Fucking stubborn, after 2 days I got to know her a bit more and she became more annoying than I could imagine, and she's only like this to me... I don't know why... maybe this is her real personality.

I look at her saying, "Fuck off..."
She sighs, "Okay..."

She looks disappointed then she immediately smiles after a moment. 

"Let's change the subject! What's your favorite number?" she asks,
"What? Why the random question?" I asked,
"Just answer it!"
I sighed, "Four"
"Okay! Not gonna ask why because you don't like answering questions."
"I wonder who's the one who kept pestering me a minute ago?" I said sarcastically while looking at her,
She looks back and smiles, "I wonder who!"

Someone knocks on the door, the maid Ida comes in.

"Master Das, the king summons you." Ida said,
"Well, I guess it's time... let's go." Lexia said as she stands up,

Once again I'm being guided towards the throne room.

KINGDOM OF XIRN
THRONE ROOM

Me, Lexia, & Ida come in and kneeled at the king, the king gestures and we stand up, Lexia joins her brothers and sisters at the side.

The king smiles, "I've heard that you've made big progress these 2 days. Normally we would've trained you for a month but as you might've heard..." 
"Yes, I've heard that a new wave of demons are coming." I said,
"And that is where you'll go first. You'll join the 2 heroes, knights, adventurers, and mercenaries at the front lines of this kingdom."

So there are 2 heroes already at this kingdom's frontlines. I hope I can meet some fellow isekai'd brothers.

The king gestures; 2 people comes in and bows at the king beside me.

"Here's your team... Velle and Celdric... they will accompany you along with 1000 soldiers." the king said,
"Please take care of us!" Celdric said,
"Hope we'll be of use!" Velle said,
"Likewise" I said,

Celdric has a timid personality... like he's inexperienced. Velle on the other hand, looks tough yet refined; 10000 soldiers are also coming with... it's hard to get my head understand that number because it's so big.

"Lexia can vouch for their abilities. They will support you, and be your guide in this dangerous world." The king said,
"After in the front lines, what's next?" I asked,
"The demon spawn is located near the Kingdom of Ravins, you all will go and support them. Please Das, be the one who can stop this plague of demons once and for all!"
"I will..." I said while looking at the king

KINGDOM OF XIRN
CASTLE HALLWAYS

Ida and Lexia guides us towards the entrance. 

"Where's Ravins and Doi?" I asked,
"The kingdom of Ravins is in the south-east... while the Kindom of Doi is west." Lexia said,
"They're on opposite sides..."
"Yes, why do you ask?"
"What happens if I go towards Doi instead of Ravins?"
"Do you want to be tagged as a rouge hero?" Celdric said,
We all stopped walking and all of them looked at me, suddenly the atmosphere got tense, "Are you crazy? Who would want that?!" I said,

We started walking again. Fuck, I shouldn't have asked that... for sure they have their guard up and will not let me go if I do go to Doi. I need to come up with a plan...

KINGDOM OF XIRN
CASTLE ENTRANCE

Knights around us, they salute us. I really don't like the attention... I cover my face with my hand...

"You have to get used to it... you're the hero you know?" Lexia said,
I sighed and took off my hand, "I know, I'll at least act it out." I said,

I look and see Velle blushing and Celdric covering his face. They should be more confident... the irony, I thought.

We're walking towards a carriage, we get in along with Lexia and Ida.

"Wait... I thought you're going to stay Le— Princess and Ida" I said,
"Everyone in this carriage are important members to the frontlines. We need to boost the morale and since you're not the most leader-ish among us, I figured that I should go." Lexia said,
God she's annoying, "Thanks..." I said,

We go through town and see people cheering for us, praying for victory, and soldiers hugged their loved ones. 

People are losing their lives, families; everyone's prepared to not see each other again.

KINGOM OF XIRN
OUTSIDE THE KINGDOM

Lexia, Celdric, and Velle are asleep... only me and Ida are awake... Ida strokes Lexia's hair. I look out the window... 

"Master Das, what do you think about this world?" Ida asks,
"You don't have to call me master... just call me by my given name..." I said,
"Then... Das..."
I smile at her, "This world is like what people on my world are reading. Those stories are what fueled the idea of another world apart from our own. For people, it served as an escape to the cruel reality that they want to forget... and some just wants to be entertained. It gave people the idea of a restart button... some want a restart, some want the fantasy of being the most powerful; these people didn't have the luxury of having a choice... they were born into my world. When life gets too hard people get the idea that 'No one will care if I die' or 'If I die, this will all be over'. They think that dying is the only thing that gives them peace from the constant pressures of life, and I know that feeling all too well."
"Do you want to die?" Ida asks,
"No, I have this promise and I will fulfill it no matter the cost... no matter how hard it gets... but it was never always about the promise..." I said as I looked at my hand,
"Is that promise the only one that kept you going? What about yourself?"

I smile back and looked out the window... I didn't bother to answer the question. I knew from the start that there won't be anything for myself. I never wished for anything... I just kept going no matter how much I want to kill myself. Now, I'm 39 years old and sometimes I'm surprised I made this far.

I close my eyes and I slowly fall asleep... I need to rest before the fight.

To be continued...

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This is the end of the chapter! Thank you for reading this far!

I don't have much to say but I hope I see you in the next chapter! Take care!