"Equal and Opposite Reaction"

Approximately ten seconds after entering shadows deeper in the alleyway, Zipper realized she’d made a terrible mistake. Greasy arms reached for her. Zipper managed to slip through his grasp at first and tried to sprint away, but then she tripped on her shoe-laces and fell face-first into the snow. The man pounced on her.

“Hey, wha-”

“Quiet,” he snarled. “My aniki wants to see you.”

“Your Anakin, wha-”

Heart in mouth, hot tears on her face, Zipper squirmed and squirmed, but the man’s grip on her was tight. He pinned her arms behind her back and produced a cord from his coat. With her arms immobilized, he space-taped her mouth, then went to tie her legs up. But right when he did so, he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He glanced back-

“Hiya,” said Magenta Sue, Nat Cool there with her.

Two fists came crashing into his skull. The man skidded away, down for the count.

Nat undid the cords while Sue pulled the tape off her mouth. “Gee whiz, you alright-”

“You guys!” Zipper exclaimed, pulling them into a tight hug. “H-How’d you find me?”

Sue shrugged. “We saw all your Hypernet posts about the festival and figured you’d be around here somewhere.”

“Aww, you guys are so smart.” Zipper sighed. “Listen, I’m gonna be honest. I was real jealous of your success. I should’ve been proud. I’m sure you guys could’ve used my support in your adventures and all that, but instead, I became a hippie.”

Nat tugged at her collar. Sue rubbed the back of her neck. “No, it's all our fault. We’re sorry about leaving you like that. We were trying to find ourselves or something, which is good, but we might’ve overdone it. There’s no point in finding yourself if your friends aren’t there with you.”

Nat nodded and pulled the group closer.

“Our friendship’s never been tested before now,” Zipper ‘sposed. “And looks like we passed with flying colors.”

“Who’s better than us?” Sue asked.

“No-body!”

The three then turned their attention to fedora-san. Zipper kicked him awake. “Tell me about your Anakin.”

Fedora-man grinned. “I don’t gotta tell you nothing-”

Nat pulled out her souvenir trench knife.

Fedora-man gulped. “We were trying to strike a blow against the Do-Nothings. I was gonna take you to the unfinished Ju-Ichi-Pyramid. It was for my aniki, Haraguchi...”

==========

Billy’s batman aboard the Asskicker, Haraguchi Aritomo, returned after the Chicagoland parade to his home of Neo-Neon Tokyo. He gazed upon the Tama beneath the neon glow and skyscraper screens, his reflection swirling back to when he was a third-year in high school. He stood atop in the rooftop in his gakuran, Azuki Nadeshiko in her sailor suit. She had his back to him, looking over the city.

She glanced back. “One day, Haraguchi, you’ll make a girl happy. I know it.”

That wasn’t exactly the answer he wanted to hear. That was a frustrating period in Neo-Neon Tokyo in general, thanks to a malfunction in the climate-control that caused an exceptional heat wave at the height of high summer. Tensions rose and anger flared, setting the stage for the final showdown between the two remaining delinquent alliances of Neo-Neon Tokyo - the Tigers and the Rooks. Everybody knew it would be the final battle. Interest in delinquency and community in general were waning.

Haraguchi and Azuki were childhood friends. When her father grew sick, Azuki took over running Starlight Cafe. Haraguchi visited her father regularly in the hospital, out of respect, maybe even out of some sort of unconscious familial love, especially now, when he lay dying.

“Haraguchi,” Otou-san said, lying frail beneath the covers of his hospital bed. “You’re not like the other youth of this colorless generation. You stick up for what’s right. You don’t back down. You’re thinking of joining Pioneer Defense Contractors after this, right?”

“I want to make something of myself.”

Otou-san smiled. “You already have. The Tigers would’ve burned down the Cafe if not for you and the Rooks. I’ve seen the fire in your eyes. Haraguchi, I’d like you to marry my daughter. You shall look after the Cafe and inherit its secrets.”

Haraguchi didn’t know of any secrets. He paused, pondering this, then placed a hand across his heart. “I’ll take good care of Azuki and the Cafe, Otou-san.”

After that, during an early winter sunset, came the Last Rumble. The Tigers and Rooks met on the Nihonbashi Bridge at the heart of Tokyo, beneath the criss-crossing highways, over calm water. The Tigers cheated, bringing pipes and brass knuckles, but the Rooks wiped the blood off their mouths and said they just don’t know when to give up, dig. Full of Japanese spirit, the Rooks battled the Tigers for hours, until, well past sunset, Haraguchi, with his Prussian officer’s uniform ripped, bloody fist raised, stood alone triumphant.

He then found Azuki on the Tama and told her what her father said.

Azuki gazed at the bloody fist wrapped in bandages. “My father has inherited Starlight Cafe’s bloody history. I’m sorry, but I don’t wish to. I want to create many truths, not destroy all except for one.”

“You’re in love,” Haraguchi supposed. “With Joe Weeze, the man across the sea.”

She nodded.

Standing on the same spot near the Tama years later, Haraguchi sighed and gazed up at a screen. His old boss Lawrence was speaking.

“Men of iron, men of steel, men of polymer. Any youth listening to this should put away their suits and ties and mop-tops. They should instead don polymer working fatigues and join us in the great crusade against Nothing.”

Haraguchi clenched his fist. It was time to get the gang back together.

Many of the old Rooks found themselves idle and nostalgic enough to join. They met in dojos and temple basements, screaming eagle banners sprawled across the walls.

The truths of modern society were self-evident. Humanity was in decay, slumping towards the fourth millennium. Nobody could face the truth, since they were spoon-fed their own realities by Alt-Is with Confrontational Capacities perpetually set to “Yes Man”. Art was the domain of unthinking machines now. People were apathetic to politics. They had everything they could ever want at their fingertips, so there was no reason to go beyond.

For those in the dojo, practicing karate moves, embracing a youth in revolt of their own - they would create a humanity based on strength, on ambition, on action. No more sitting around in your room. Humanity was meant for conquest, to expand across the stars, to be one species, united, indivisible. None of this Do-Nothing commune crap, none of this Martian prankster crap. None of this standing around in circles while saying what you COULD do.

For the Polymermen, there was no could. There was only action, only rejuvenation of the human soul on a species-wide level. Earth, of course, would be at the forefront at the movement, since Earthlings were exceptional, the fathers of humanity, the entire settled universe tracing its existence back to that pale blue dot. Once the Polymermen movement achieved power, Earth would embark upon palingenesis of the highest order under their command, and this Earth-based restoration of humanity would spread across the stars...

More and more arrived in the dojos, intent on becoming strong, on becoming Men of Polymer. A shipment of pie-guns just so happened to go missing off the docks. They could now be found in cells across Neo-Neon Tokyo, shooting Do-Nothing and Martian-shaped targets. A global network was forming through forums and message boards. Polymermen could be found in Big Dig, where Do-Nothing riots stained the city; in Chicagoland, where the parade swelled pride in the War on Nothing; in Saint Francisco, where pie factories armed the movement. In brown-colored polymer shirts, they roamed the streets, because somebody had to save humanity from itself.

In Haraguchi’s dojo, the Polymermen stood captivated while watching the news report of Lawrence's pranking of Ramble Station.

“The first blow has been struck!” proclaimed one of Haraguchi’s newest recruits, a rather effeminate man with raven-hair and medical mask. “We should keep up the momentum!”

Murmurs spread across the dojo. Haraguchi stood. The time had come. His Eye Implant projected a photo across a bamboo wall, depicting the rooftop of Crash Landing at the start of the Big Dig riot. He pointed at a woman in auburn hair.

“This girl here,” he said, frowning. “Zipper Chute. She’s very close to the Do-Nothings. We’ll capture her, and force Joe Weeze and his Do-Nothings to meet us. There, we’ll ambush them, and decapitate the Do-Nothing movement in one fell swoop!”

Lead by Raven Hair, the Polymermen cheered. Haraguchi could only focus on mop-topped Joe.

And then I’ll have my revenge.