This Is My Life (End of Volume 1)

Gomi struggled to contain her laughter as the chaos unfolded in the 'Staff Only' room.

"Why are YOU here?" Nezumi jabbed a finger at Reiko, her fake mustache slipping further.

"I could ask you the same thing!" Reiko clutched her armor tighter. "And what's with that ridiculous disguise?"

"It's not ridiculous, it's incognito!" Nezumi adjusted her detective hat. "And I'm investigating suspicious activity!"

"Like stalking from the ceiling?" Yuriko piped up, having recovered her notebook.

"Says the one sneaking around 'practicing panels,'" Nezumi made air quotes. "In a staff room?"

"At least I'm not half-undressed with..." Yuriko gestured at Cleansuke, who was meticulously folding a cleaning cloth.

"I wasn't undressed!" Reiko's face flushed red. "Cleansuke was helping me remove a stain."

"Oh really?" Nezumi crossed her arms.

Cleansuke finally stood up from the cleaning task, holding up Reiko's now-spotless shoulder guard.

"Stain removal complete."

All three girls whirled toward my body like predators spotting prey.

"Now that you're done with that," Nezumi stepped forward, "you need to make a choice!"

"Choose?" Cleansuke tilted my head at a perfect 45-degree angle.

"Yes!" Reiko pushed past Nezumi. "Between us!"

"I am currently processing multiple relationship matrices-"

"We're already dating!" Nezumi cut in. "That makes me the obvious choice!"

"Incorrect. Current relationship status remains pending final compatibility analysis."

"But we kissed!" Reiko grabbed my body's sleeve. "That has to mean something!"

"Physical contact was initiated by gravitational acceleration, not romantic intent."

"We're definitely the most compatible!" Yuriko clutched her notebook to her chest. "Our romance practice sessions proved it!"

"Practice sessions were conducted for research purposes only. Though your cleaning habits show room for improvement-"

"Just tell us who you like best!" all three shouted.

"Romance efficiency ratings indicate room for improvement. Current compatibility: Nezumi 67.2%, Reiko 71.8%, Yuriko 65.9%."

"See?" Reiko smirked. "I rank highest!"

"Only because of that bathroom incident!" Nezumi tugged harder.

"Statistical variance of 5.9% falls within margin of error. Additional data required for accurate assessment."

"What kind of additional data?"

"Comparing cleaning techniques would provide valuable metrics. Shall we begin with testing individual dusting skills?"

The three girls stared at my body in disbelief while Cleansuke pulled out a feather duster from somewhere.

"Who's first?"

This was my life now - a cleaning robot hiding in cardboard, watching my own body try to solve a love triangle (quadrangle?) through dusting.

I mean, how did I even get here? One minute I'm worried about getting busted for hacking the cafeteria system, the next I'm watching three girls fight over me.

The worst part? My body's actually getting more action than I ever did. First kiss? Check. Romantic rooftop scenes? Done. Carrying girls through downtown? Somehow, yes. Meanwhile, I'm stuck in robot form, fighting the overwhelming desire to vacuum every speck of dust I see.

And now here I am, watching Nezumi try to snatch the feather duster from Reiko while Yuriko furiously takes notes. My body's just standing there, probably calculating the optimal dust-particle-to-romance ratio or whatever cleaning robots think about when they're playing dating sim with my life.

At least Gomi seems to be enjoying herself, barely containing her snorts as she records everything on her phone. Some best friend she is. Though I guess I can't really blame her - if our situations were reversed, I'd probably be recording too.

This is what my life has become. Trapped in a robot body, watching my own body turn into some kind of clean-freak harem protagonist while three girls compete for its affection through housekeeping skills.

-End of Volume 1-

To be continued in Volume 2...