BlackBrain. I

That same day, just a few hours earlier.

I’m cold…

Despite my dwindling memories, I knew those tremors beneath the blankets weren’t a good sign.

I was scared, but my body was so weak that I didn’t even feel agony. The little my vision allowed me to distinguish was the blue of the sky seeping in through the windowpane.

Where is Isayama?

For some reason, that was the only thought my brain offered. Fuzzy images of the previous night surfaced, and if I wasn’t mistaken, I had shared the starry sky with him.

My fingers were frozen, and my head felt empty. I barely had any sensation, but the stains on my pillow told me I had been drooling. Maybe that was the only thing I truly understood about my surroundings.

Even though the mere idea of absolute nothingness terrified me, I knew I couldn’t do much more.

I had only one regret.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said that…

I remembered that phrase—the one that brought him to the verge of tears. The one that seemed to carry so much meaning for him.

“Even if I lost all my memories, I’d fall in love with you again…”

How was that supposed to be true? How could I really fall in love with someone I didn’t even remember knowing?

My decay probably didn’t help…

Was it wrong to lie?

My only goal was to make our goodbye a little sweeter, seeing how much he suffered. He seemed to be trying so hard to find a cure for my condition…

I thought perhaps his soul might forgive itself for failing if I told him something like that. If I showed him, somehow, that everything would be okay.

Even though I didn’t love him, I couldn’t deny that I deeply valued the time he spent with me. He was always there to take care of me, pouring all his energy into making me feel better. His dark circles, his pale face, his doubts about the future, his distant gaze searching for answers in the sunlight…

I wanted to see him smile. It was unfair for someone to suffer so much for someone who couldn’t reciprocate. For someone to see in you a person whose existence you yourself had forgotten.

The old Katy must have been someone important to you, right?

I looked at my hands one last time. The darkness around me, the disconnection from the physical world, and the way my brain sedated me to spare me from suffering more than necessary, couldn’t deceive me.

It was in my hands that I found my last way to carve out a peaceful farewell. Hanging from my wrist was the answer.

With my remaining strength, I opened the recorder on my hologram and took a deep breath.

…

Once I finished the message, I managed to pull myself up and make it to the desk, where I barely managed to set the device down.

On the verge of collapse, I crawled back toward the bed.

I was about to reach it when darkness turned absolute.

I never knew if I made it to the mattress or not, but I felt an immeasurable peace.

I had fought to the very end, to my last breath.

All I could hope was that one day, Isayama might forgive me… for forgetting him.