Chapter 13:
A Cynic’s Guide to Igniting Love in a Future World
The quiet hum of NOVA's central headquarters was almost hypnotic, like a lullaby designed to soothe any lingering unease. Soft blue light bathed the walls, casting a cool, ethereal glow across the empty halls. For a lifeless structure in the dead of night, it offered an odd sense of calm, as though the building itself were trying lure them in.
“Not much security to get in, huh?” Ren muttered, glancing back at Nexi.
It hadn’t taken long for Nexi to hack open the main doors. No alarms, no guards—just a quiet click and an open path. They waltzed right in as casually as someone entering a 24-hour convenience store.
“A consequence of centuries of peace, I presume,” Nexi replied, its soothing, synthesized voice too serene for Ren’s taste. After a pause, it added, “This must be what humans refer to as the phenomenon of déjà vu.”
Ren’s footsteps echoed in the stillness as they moved deeper into the building. Nexi floated close behind, its gentle whir cutting through the silence.
When they reached the elevator bank, Ren’s shoulders relaxed a fraction. “Made it,” he said, hitting the call button.
“The main control room is located at the very top—floor 69,” Nexi informed him as the elevator doors slid open.
Ren stepped in and smirked, his hand hovering over the holographic buttons. “Didn’t think NOVA would be a fan of dirty jokes.” He paused, narrowing his eyes. “Or maybe the writer of this whole mess thinks he’s funnier than he actually is.”
Nexi tilted slightly in confusion. “I do not understand the humor.”
“Yeah, you and everyone else.”
The sleek elevator interior glowed faintly, and the tactile sensation of the holographic buttons as Ren pressed 69 never failed to weird him out.
“Guess it’s too much to ask for a fast ride,” he muttered, leaning against the wall. The elevator began its ascent—agonizingly slow compared to those in Ren’s time, let alone a technologically advanced future. And then came the jingle.
♫ “Feeling good, no, feeling great! Sip Green Joy, smile another day!” ♫
Ren’s head snapped up. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
The upbeat tune looped endlessly, its peppy melody drilling into his skull. The elevator crawled by each floor, the numbers lighting up one by one, but the journey felt like an eternity.
“What kind of sadist AI came up with this?” Ren groaned, rubbing his temples.
“NOVA’s analytics suggest it boosts mood efficiency by 27%,” Nexi replied.
“Yeah, by driving people insane.”
Finally, the elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. Ren stepped out, only to stop dead in his tracks.
“What...?”
It was the same lobby they’d started from. The same polished floors, the same faint hum of the building, and the same ridiculous sense of calm.
“I can confirm,” Nexi said, “we are still on the main level.”
Ren’s mind raced. He had felt the elevator ascend—the subtle shift in gravity, the lit-up floors—but here they were. Back to square one.
“This... doesn’t make any sense,” he muttered, stepping back into the elevator.
“Unfortunately… I’m currently unable to explain the inner workings of this phenomenon… More informational analysis will be needed,” Nexi said.
Determined to prove he wasn’t losing it, Ren pressed the button again. And again, the jingle began its assault.
♫ “Feeling good, no, feeling great!” ♫
When the doors opened, the lobby greeted him once more.
Ren’s eye twitched. He pressed the button again.
And again.
By the sixth loop, his sanity was hanging by a thread. His hands trembled as he thought of pressing the button to go up again, but his resolve hadn’t wavered. Not yet.
“I don’t have time for this,” he growled, stepping out and spotting a holographic sign pointing to the stairs. “We’re doing this the old-fashioned way.”
“Considering the current unusual circumstances, this is a sensible plan, Mr. Ren,” Nexi said.
“Easy for you to say, Mr. Hover Bot.”
***
The staircase was just as strange. A sign near the entrance read 20th Floor, despite every logical sense screaming that they were still on the ground floor. Yet, large windows lining the walls revealed the city below, its neon lights glittering like stars.
“What the hell is going on?” Ren muttered, shaking his head and starting up the stairs.
Nexi hovered behind him, scanning their surroundings. “How peculiar.”
The first staircase ended at the 31st floor. Ren opened the door cautiously, revealing a brightly lit office floor. Rows of cubicles stretched into the distance, intersected by hallways that seemed to twist unnaturally. Neon lights buzzed overhead, casting an unsettling glow.
“This place is starting to feel less like a corporate building and more like a fever dream,” Ren muttered.
They passed an open breakroom, where an odd vending machine caught his attention. Its glass display was filled not with snacks or Green Joy but fresh pairs of socks.
Ren blinked. “Okay. Now I’ve seen everything.” Does NOVA have some kind of foot fetish we don’t know about?
“Perhaps foot comfort is a priority in the NOVA building,” Nexi quipped.
Ren snorted. “Not bad, Nexi. But leave the sarcastic jokes to me.”
After navigating the labyrinth of cubicles, they found the next staircase and continued upward. Ren’s legs burned with each step, but his determination pushed him forward.
“Who designed this place?” he grumbled. “Oh, right. NOVA. Well, hopefully, they fired their architect.”
***
The 40th floor brought a new challenge. The door opened into what could only be described as a dystopian DMV. But weren’t all DMV’s inherently dystopian? Even in a Utopian future, that’s something that never changed. Rows of uncomfortable chairs filled the space, and a solitary robot manned a counter at the center. Behind it, a lone elevator glowed faintly.
“Going up! Number 1161, going up!” the robot called cheerfully to no one.
Ren approached, already bracing for frustration. “Hey, how do I get to the next staircase?”
“This elevator is the only way up,” the robot replied. “Ticket, please.”
Ren sighed. “I don’t have a ticket.”
The robot ignored him, shifting to the next number in the queue. “Going up! Number 1162, going up!”
Nexi generated a holographic ticket from the dispenser: 1282.
“Are you serious?!” Ren finally lost it.
“Any disturbance will result in your immediate removal,” the robot warned.
Ren groaned and slumped into a chair, crossing his arms. “Why does God hate me?”
“No need to stress, Mr. Ren. I’m sure it will be our turn before we know it!” Nexi said.
Ren sighed. “Sounds like Mira’s rubbing off on you.”
Time dragged on as the robot called each number with agonizing slowness, repeating the numbers three or four times over to an empty room. The Bossa Nova version of the Green Joy jingle played overhead, somehow more tolerable but no less maddening.
“Almost there, Mr. Ren. Just 120 more customers to go.”
Hearing that almost made Ren shed a tear.
At some point the sight of the empty seats around Ren had blurred together into darkness.
…”Last call!”
A faint sound echoed in Ren’s ears, until something nudged him, and Ren’s eyes darted open.
“Mr. Ren, I believe that is our number,” Nexi said.
“Huh? What?” Ren woke in a daze.
“Last call for number 1282. Going up!”
Ren jumped up as the cogs in mind started spinning once more. He wiped the half drool from his lips and rushed over. The robot scanned the projected numbers that floated above them and opened the counter to let them through to the elevator.
“How long was I out?” Ren asked groggily as pressed a button to open the elevator.
“Unfortunately, my internal clock is malfunctioning. I cannot confirm,” Nexi replied.
Finally, the elevator ran open and they headed in. As soon as Ren pressed the button only button available, floor 52, the classic jingle resumed its loop.
♫ “Feeling good, no, feeling great!” ♫
This time Ren did shed a tear.
The elevator eventually opened onto another staircase. Ren’s exhaustion was evident as he climbed, but Nexi’s voice cut through his haze.
“I’m detecting unusual quantum fluctuations in this area. Please proceed with caution.”
Ren frowned. “I’m almost afraid to ask what that means...”
A figure appeared briefly at the top of the stairs before darting out of sight.
“Hey!” Ren shouted, giving chase. But as he climbed higher, the staircase seemed to twist and distort. He glanced down and froze. A shadowy figure below mirrored his every move.
“What the hell is going on?”
“Ren, I believe—” Nexi was cut short as Ren broke into a sprint once more.
Ren’s chest heaved as he stopped to catch his breath, trying to process what he was seeing. How many flights of stairs had they climbed? It felt as if they long should have reached the top, yet there was no end in sight. It reminded him of the infinite stairs in Bowser's castle in Super Mario 64.
Ren glanced at the figures once more. They appeared to be copying him. Slowly, it began to click.
“Ren, as I was trying to explain. I believe what we are experiencing is related to the fluctuations I was detecting.”
“...I see. It’s… us.” He calmly went up another flight of stairs and as soon as he realized the reality of what they were experiencing, the stairs reached their end on floor 69. He almost couldn’t believe it.
Ren was exhausted and disheveled but they finally made it.
“Background analysis is complete… Ren, it seems as if these strange occurrences were a direct result of NOVA’s security systems.”
The moment he stepped through the door, the distortions vanished and a realistic holographic projection seemed to dissolve around them. The corridor ahead was eerily normal, with clean lines and soft lighting.
“Guess they really didn’t want us here after all,” Ren muttered.
As he walked toward the imposing metallic door marked NOVA Central Control Room, he couldn’t help but glance out the large windows. The city glittered below, neon lights casting reflections on the glass.
Standing before the door, Ren took a deep breath and steadied himself.
With a final push, he opened the door. Somewhere in the back of his mind, an absurd thought echoed: Rev up those fryers!
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